Dragons the Dragon Den

Duncan Bannatyne

I’D SET up a theme park called Bannatyne’s Dragon Land on some brownfield wasteland. I’d have some of the dragons giving the kiddies rides, and other ones that they could pet, although I’d get their fire-breathing mechanisms taken out and have them de-clawed by vets. It would cost £30 to get in, or a family ticket for two adults and 3 children would be £100, and people wouldn’t be allowed to bring their own food in. If they wanted to eat, they’d have to go to the Dragon restaurant or the St George Café where a small glass of orange would be £4 and a burger would be £12.50, and the chips would be extra. Shoulderpads Woman

I SPENT years in the logistics business, and it’s a world that I know inside out, so I would employ fleets of dragons to deliver parcels. Because they have vertical take-off, they could deliver to congested urban areas with ease, carrying the parcels securely in their talons. They could locate the correct address by magic, or if you don’t believe in magic, they could be equipped with a sat-nav system that gave them a sharp electric shock across the bellend when they flew over the correct address, painful enough to make them drop the parcel down the chimney. Theo Paphitis

I’D SET up a flying taxi business called ‘Dragon Cabs’. It would be a bit like Uber, but instead of cars, we’d have a fleet of a thousand fire-breathing dragons, with each one licensed to carry up to four passengers. You’d book them via a mobile phone ‘app’ that gave you a price there and then, and tell the dragon master where you wantedtogo.Assoonasthebusiness started making money, I’d set up a rival business called ‘Firedrake Taxis’, because as any successful entrepreneur will tell you, when you have a thriving business, you should set up your own competition before anyone else does. Deborah Meaden

EACH year, over £250,000,000’s worth of metal is stolen from Britain’s scrapyards. Usually, the thieves strike at night, drugging the oil-covered guard dogs with tranquiliser-laced meat. My company - Draco Group Security - would rent out fire-breathing dragons to guard these scrapyards during the night. Since they don’t actually exist, dragons can be anything your imagination wants them to be, so mine would be immune to tranquilisers, and I could charge scrap men top dollar to rent them out.

I’D SET up my own dragon-fired power station, where I would keep the dragons in a boiler room and use their fire-breathing abilities to drive steam-powered electrical turbines, generating countless kilowatts of power for very little cost. I would break their wings so they couldn’t fly off, and have people poking them up the arse with sticks to make them breathe fire. On the face of it, this may sound very cruel, but the beauty of a dragon-based business is that since they don’t exist, you can treat them how you like without falling foul of the animal rights brigade.