Snoop Dogg

Dolan says: “Rap icon Snoop goes by a litany of inventive aliases, such as Snoop Dogg, Snoopzilla, DJ Snoopadelic and Nemo Hoes. As such, the Long Beach-born hip-hopper would have no trouble with the crucial best man task of assigning an amusing nickname to each member of the stag party. In the case of my stags, these have included ‘Fat Baz’, ‘Big Jim’, ‘Scouse Trev’, ‘Beer Monster’ and ‘Pervy Malc.’

It is traditional to get these monikers emblazoned across matching T-shirts bearing the groom’s face. And since Snoop operates his own online clothing store – The Snoopermarket – he would presumably be able to wrangle a decent price for printing up two dozen cheeky tees, all featuring the slogan ‘LAST FLING B4 THE RING.’

Getting to and from the stag location can often be a huge stumbling block. On six of my eight bachelor parties, we’ve been chucked off the plane before it could leave, due to incidents such as Big Jim shitting in the drinks trolley and Pervy Malc goodnaturedly grabbing a stewardess’s arse. However, as a millionaire pop star, Dogg has his own private so jet, the group could get as rowdy as they liked on the flight to Prague or Ljubljana, without worrying about the humourless cabin crew phoning the filth.

Regularly rapping in front of millions of fans, the wedding speech would also be a doddle for seasoned performer Snoop. But a good best man’s speech must walk a tricky line between being lighthear tedly risqué and still clean enough for a family audience. I know from bitter experience (my second wedding) that having a best man swear profusely during his speech can be uncomfor table to say the least, and since Snoop is known for his X-rated lyrics, it would be no surprise if he were to slip the odd ‘fuck’, ‘shit’ and ‘motherfucker’ into his toast, to the distress of elderly relatives. Ultimately, if Snoop could keep a lid on the old profanity, I think he’d a make tip-top hip-hop groomsman.”