WOKE CELEB No. 2: Marina Hyde

PRINT journalist Marina regularly uses her weekly columns to speak out in suppor t of ILLEGAL immigrants, while simultaneously lambasting upstanding salts-of-the-earth like Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson and Rupert Murdoch.

But surely the Grauniad hack is not so blinded by ‘wokeness’ that she can’t still enjoy a zany April Fools’ prank?

I arrive at Hyde’s sprawling north London mansion at 6am after stopping off at a landfill en route, where I’ve managed to procure four large seagulls using a baited cage.

These things go absolutely mental when they’re kept in a confined space, so by the time I approach the journo’s house, the noise – and stench – is overpowering.

As luck would have it, Hyde is in the shower as I creep round the back of her house, so I quickly jemmy open the bathroom window and shake the birds inside before slamming it shut.

I have to chuckle as I hear the terrified creatures flapping wildly around the small bathroom, knocking bottles off shelves and showering the place with their foul-smelling faeces as the startled Hyde – with shampoo dripping in her eyes – tries vainly to throw a towel over them. It’s a delightful prank that anyone in their right mind would be thrilled to be part of.

Still giggling uncontrollably, I take a few pics on my phone of her flailing about, covered in feathers and bird droppings. Then I spray-paint the words ‘APRIL FOOL!’ in six-feet high letters across her front door, before leaping over the fence to await her ecstatic reaction.

But instead of the pea ls of laughter I was expecting, I hear only violent screams of terror over the incessant squawking and shattering of glass. Before long, they are joined by the sound of sirens asa troupe of police cars screeches into the columnist’s street.

I simply can’t believe what I’m seeing. Yet another miserable A-List snob has retreated so far up their own backside that they can’t take a simple, well-intentioned JOKE.

I feel myself shiver with despair as I flee the scene. Hyde is very happy to make fun of our cabinet members week in, week out in her tawdry rag, but STOP PRESS: When the joke is on her, it’s not funny!