FAN-CRAGGY -DOZI!
CELEBRATIONS were underway in Glasgow last night after the announcement that Ian Krankie has been named ‘Britain’s Craggiest Ian 2020,’ knocking long-time champion Ian McShane off the top spot that he has occupied for the past 25 years.
Fold-faced Krankie said he was delighted with the award, and said that he and his wife and son James ‘Wee Jimmy’ Krankie would be celebrating at a private get-together of close friends and internet contacts in a layby off the A74 near Bridgeton.
absurd
The BBC’s absurdly-coiffed arts correspondent Will Gompertz dubbed K “a victory for the people.” He told us: “For a long time now people have felt that Ian McShane what it u heyday.”
Following an unexpected late-career resurgence in American TV and film, many commentators have felt that the former Lovejoy actor has enjoyed a relaxed, stress-free Hollywood lifestyle, complete with all manner of cream skin trea led to a significant smoothing and softening of his previously rugged, careworn and irregular visage.
“In the meantime,” Gompertz continued, fiddling with his glasses and wobbling his head to ensure that stray strands of hair flailed around eccentrically, “the Krankies have continued to plough a solid furrow in unglamorous, low-end showbiz work such as provincial pantomimes and occasional ironic guest appearances.”
gruelling
“This gruelling lifestyle, coupled with the effects of being an ageing Scotsman, have added countless lines, ridges and bumps to Ian’s already jowly countenance,” he added.
McShane himself took the top spot in 1993, at the height of his popularity in the British fictional antiques dealer-cum-sleuth field, when it was revealed that the previous title holder, Star Wars actor Ian ‘Evil Emperor’ McDiarmid, wore prosthetic make-up to achieve his rough and pitted facial appearance in Return of the Jedi.