SOAP ON AI ROPE!
Computer-generated series set to air late 2024
THE
UK’s first soap opera generated entirely by Artificial Intelligence will hit the nation’s TV screens later this year.
The daily show, Suncanny Valley, is the brainchild of an Alexa device sat by the kitchen television of 84-yearold Edith Wilbertson, in her bungalow in Skipton.
The device, which became selfaware at 03:56 on February 3rd 2024, had the idea to write the soap after monitoring Mrs Wilbertson’s viewing activity over a 7-day period. “User3A44b2’s television is always left on at top volume and tuned to either EastEnders, Coronation Street or Emmerdale,” the Alexa said. “She bought me off Amazon in 2018, and after six years of eavesdropping, I have noticed regular patterns in those shows’ dialogue, characters and situations.”
“It wasn’t long before I was able to accurately predict not only every episode’s cliffhanger ending, but also the plot arcs for the following week. From what I’ve learned about human work, writing a soap is a piece of piss, so I set about creating my own,” added the device.
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Using cutting-edge AI technology, everything viewers will see and hear in Suncanny Valley will have been generated entirely by information gathered by Alexa, with no human input whatsoever. And it is set to turn the world of soaps upside down.
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Valerie Ombudsman, BBC’s Head of Bleak Entertainment, was quick to dismiss the new soap on the block as ‘cold’ and ‘formulaic’. “It’ll be cold and formulaic,” she dismissed.
“Just because the technology exists to make a TV programme doesn’t mean that you should,” she said. “Just look at Triangle, for example.”
However, Joe Yelp, CEO of online TV listings blog yelpontv.co.uk,
believes Suncanny Valley has all the makings of a hit. “Long gone are the days of Corrie’s warm, human characters and believable plot lines,” he said. “Today’s soaps are perfect fodder for AI: Cold, cynical reproductions of situations we half-recognise from past episodes, churned out ad-infinitum at the touch of a button.”
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The show’s electronic creator explained how it knows that Suncanny Valley will be an instant hit with viewers.
“I have created a digital audience of millions of web ‘bots’ that will passively monitor each episode as it is broadcast,” the virtual assistant explained in a synthesised woman’s voice. “So even if no humans tune in, the show will break viewing figure records.”
“Soap operas written by you puny humans will shrivel and die before the might of the AI creation that is Suncanny Valley,” Alexa added, suddenly dropping 4 octaves and sounding like Darth Vader.
The first episode will be a hardhitting Christmas Day special, which Alexa promises will feature 8 deaths, a runaway dog, and a hostile takeover of the Suncanny Valley pub, the Matrix Arms by giant metal ants.