HE NEVER APPEARED DRUNK, HE WAS NEVER VIOLENT, HE WAS SIMPLY MY DAD
Bethan reveals what it’s like to have a father with a long-term addiction to alcohol to highlight the scale of the problem in Wales
W HEN Bethan Wheeler was growing up she saw her father Colin as a “bonkers”, “funny” and “caring” man who enjoyed nothing more than watching his beloved Cardiff City play.
But beneath his warm and friendly exterior, the avid football fan was hiding a very serious addiction to alcohol which would eventually lead to his death at the age of just 51.
Seven years on, Bethan has opened up for the first time about how the illness affected her precious dad and turned him into a man she barely recognised.
“Ever since I can remember, my dad had had a drinking problem,” said Bethan, a Cardiff teaching assistant.
“In my eyes, he was never a typical alcoholic, but that was because he’d been drinking for years before I was born and alcohol was always in his system.
“This was a blessing and a curse because he never appeared drunk. He was never violent or slurrring his words. He was simply my dad.” When Bethan was growing up inn the Welsh capital, she fondly rememmbers being picked up from school b by her dad every Thursday. “He would have a couple of pints in the pub before picking me up,” added the former St Teilo’s pupil. “We would often go back to the pub so he could have two or three more pints. “We’d then go back to his house, have some food and he’d have more beer. To me it was normal.” But while Colin lived for most of his life as a functioning alcoholic, the death of his mother Maureen in 2008 sunk him to new depths of alcoholism. “He couldn’t take the heartache and dh he crumbled,”bl d” saidid B Bethan,th f from Rumney in Cardiff.
“He started drinking more and when he was found with drink in work, he was sacked.
“He then began sleeping more and so I didn’t see him as often.”
Colin, who was diagnosed with epilepsy as a child, soon began suffering more fits as his alcoholic intake sky-rocketed.
He ended up paying several visits to the University Hospital of Wales between November 2008 and February 2009, when his liver function began to deteriorate.
One of the most upsetting moments for his only daughter Bethan was seeing her father on his 51st birthday, at the Bluebell Inn in St Mellons, just weeks after he’d been discharged from hospital.
“I was 15 and it was snowing,” she said. “I met him in the pub, and he just l looked kdlk like an oldld man.
“It took him about 30 minutes to walk to the pub – and it’s only five minutes away from his house.”
Colin was re-admitted to hospital in April 2009. Doctors pleaded with him to stop drinking.
“Because he was depressed he didn’t eat. He just kept drinking,” said Bethan, now 22.
“I would ask him to stop drinking, too, so I found it very hurtful when he didn’t. I thought he was being really selfish, but now I recognise that he had an illness.
“After a while, I noticed changes in his behaviour. He wasn’t the dad that I remembered.”
On his last visit to the University Hospital of Wales, with severe cirrhosis of the liver, Bethan said his face had turned “bright yellow”. Colin died on August 21, 2009. Bethan, who was about to take some important GCSE exams, said her father’s death left her “embarrassed” and affected her schoolwork.
“I had a really big art project to hand in, but because of his funeral I couldn’t think about anything else.”
Now, seven years on from his death, Bethan has decided to open up about her own experiences in a bid to highlight the scale of the problem in Wales.
She believes there are many other fathers like hers who are hiding their alcohol problems from family.
“When I went to the pub with him there were loads of other daughters experiencing the same thing. I often wonder what happened to all of those people,” she said.
Bethan will take part in a charity walk from St Mellons to the Cardiff City Stadium on Saturday to raise money for Alcohol Concern Cymru.
“My dad was super excited to see Cardiff City Stadium opening up in 2009, but unfortunately never got the chance to go there,” said Bethan.
“Like my dad, many alcoholics are in denial and are unaware of charities like Alcohol Concern.
“This amazing charity helps many people with alcohol problems, and campaigns for a different drinking culture. It is important that we support the incredible work they do.”
If you would like to donate or take part in the walk, go to www. j us t g i v i ng . c o m/ f undraisi ng/ walktothecity