‘THERE WAS NO CURE, THERE WAS NO HOPE, IT WAS A BLACK HOLE OF DESPAIR’
Welsh actor reveals the heartbreaking battle his wife fought with cancer
WELSH actor Hywel Emrys has revealed the brave battle fought by his wife against cancer. In Hunangofiant Dyn Lwcus (A Lucky Man’s Autobiography), Hywel opens up about the death of his wife Liz, aged 56, to cancer last year, and portrays his own experience of losing someone so close to the cruel illness.
Hywel, who for many years played the role of Derek, the garage owner, on popular Welsh soap Pobol y Cwm, said that when Liz died from bowel cancer in July 2015, he needed to get his thoughts down on paper – a process which led to his writing an autobiography.
“It was a form of catharsis that morphed into a book,” said 60-yearold Hywel. “I lost my own father at a young age and I only have faded memories of him now, so I hope that by writing this book it will act as a memory for my children when I leave.
“My children never met my mum and dad because they died before they were born. I thought if I put down on paper exactly what happened to their mum they’d have a record of her life.”
Hywel, who met his late wife at Cardiff pub The Halfway in 1981, said he hopes that the book can also be a help to those going through similar issues.
“I hope talking about my experiences in such an open way will help those who are going through the same thing,” he said.
“Some of the book is very light and fluffy – a lot of interesting things have happened to me in my life but the key to everything was Liz’s battle with cancer.
“That’s left a very deep mark on me. It’s changed me as a person. I now know what’s important in life and what isn’t. I can see now what’s frivolous and I can see now what’s really important.
“If anything, the majority of people who see a loved one pass away to such a horrible disease will say it would have strengthened their relationship and make them realise what their feelings for each other really are. There is very much a truth in the saying ‘you don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone’ and with Liz it was you don’t realise what you’ve’ got until it’s’ going.””
Diagnosed with bowel cancer in the summer of 2013, Liz battled the disease for two years.
“The first round of chemotherapy she had actually controlled it, initially it gave us some hope that we were in control of it,” said Hywel. “By the second round of chemotherapy the cancer had gone into the lymph nodes.”
He added: “We never asked the doctors how long. We didn’t want to see a chequered flag in the distance and have our lives geared towards approaching this flag. “I guess there was self-denial that she would get better and the chemo would work. “About four or five weeks before Liz passed away she had to go to Velindre to have a blood test to see if her body was strong enough to take another round of chemo. Sadly, she didn’t come back. “She’d expressed a wish to come home, but it was when a nurse said to me ‘you know she’s coming home to die’ – that was the moment when all hope flew out the window. That was when I realised that Liz was actually going to go. There was no cure, there was no hope. It was a black hole of despair.” Unfortunately Liz sick to return home. Hywel said: “I went to see her on the ward and she was smiling, joking and she said ‘They’re moving me to a side ward, they’re moving me there to die, aren’t they?’, and I joked and said ‘No, they’re moving you there because you’re complaining of everybody snoring.’ She laughed and broke into a broad smile, knowing what I knew, knowing she was going to pass away, it cut me in two. How I kept my was too composure IdI don’t’t k know, brings tears to the eyes.”
As she lapsed into a deep coma, Hywel recalled how something extraordinary occurred – an incident that amazed him and his children Ffion, 22, and Sam, 20.
“Liz was in a deep coma and the family were there for the whole week,” he said. “She wasn’t reacting to anything. My daughter was waiting for her degree results. I phoned the college and asked for special dispensation for my daughter to receive her results so we could tell Liz.
“They agreed and when my daughter got her results, she leaned down to Liz on her hospital bed and said ‘Mum I’ve got a first class honours degree.’ And Liz went ‘yee ahh!’ like a cowboy. We couldn’t believe it. She must have been hearing everything. We were stunned.
“That was proof to me that if somebody is in a coma speak to them because they can hear you.”
Now, 18 months after Liz’s death, Hywel is getting his life back on track with the help of an old flame called Eleri, who he was engaged to before he met his late wife.
“I was engaged to Eleri when I was in college before I met Liz. We split up and went our separate ways. We met up again through Facebook, went for a coffee and now we’re see- it stilltill ingi eachh otherth andd are i in a relationl ti ship.”
Hywel said his children are very accepting of the new woman in his life.
“Ffion said to me, ‘Mum told me to make sure dad meets somebody else and make sure she’s not a witch!’
“Sam also said to me: ‘I don’t care what she’s like as long as you’re happy.’
“Fortunately they like her. I’m sure Liz would be happy that I’m moving on, but of course she will never be forgotten. Liz was part of my life for 35 years.
“She was a marvellous lady. She was strong, funny and a fantastic mother. She kept me grounded.
“You can’t wipe out that and you can’t compartmentalise that. It’s part of you. Even when you move on it’s always there in the background.”
Hunangofiant Dyn Lwcus (A Lucky Man’s Autobiography) is published by Y Lolfa and will be launched d at the caffi bar at t yr Hen Lyfrgell, , Cardiff, on n Tuesday at 7pm m with Ieuan Rhyss and entertainment from Lisa Angharad