DIAGNOSIS A WAKE-UP CALL TO START MY BUSINESS
B AMIDELE Adenipekun has spent most of her adult life living under the shadow of breast cancer. The 40-year-old lost her mother and sister to the disease and fought the illness herself.
And she now lives in fear of what the future might hold for her 13-year-old daughter.
The Swansea mum is now using her heartbreak and pain to get others back on their feet.
She has set up a life coaching business to support patients and families suffering with trauma.
She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014 and had a double mastectomy.
“It was fight or flight and flight wasn’t an option. It wasn’t something I could run from,” she said.
“The numbness can go on for a long time but I didn’t have the luxury of being numb.”
At the time Bamidele was caring for her older sister who was already fighting the disease.
Together the pair supported each other until her sister’s death in January at the age of 46 – the same age their mother died from the disease 23 years ago.
Bamidele said: “I used the strength that she had, we were both encouraging each other.
“My sister was my number one cheerleader and support.
“Even though she’s gone, that encouragement she gave is still spurring me on.”
She added: “Looking after a loved one in pain you feel helpless but feeling helpless is not going to help them.
“You want to be there for them so you have to draw on your own resilience.”
Three years after her diagnosis, the single mother must now take medication for the next seven years after having three benign tumours removed.
She also faces the awful realisation that her family will continue to live under cancer’s shadow.
Her 13-year-old daughter Amy could face difficult decisions ahead.
“Amy has been very strong and she’s matured even more under the circumstances,” she said. “It’s brought us closer.
“It’s always been the two of us and she’s just been amazing.”
With such a complex medical history, Bamidele is conscious of her daughter’s future.
She said: “When you have a family medical history like mine you cannot live in ignorance but there is a time and place for everything and Amy is only 13.
“I have all the information and at the appropriate time it will be dealt with.”
She explained why she set up her business: “I didn’t want to be defined by my diagnosis, there is more to me than that.
“I’ve always dreamed of being a life coach, so if a diagnosis wasn’t a wake-up call to practise what I preach then what is?
“When life throws you something like that you can either sink or swim and I chose to swim.”
She hopes her experience will help others in the same situation.
She said: “When people have trauma they just go through the motions and go into ‘survival mode’ for a long time.
“I want to give people a satnav or map to get through this; it’s a journey to the new normal.
“My church friends and family would bring me food and make me laugh, but not everyone has that system.
“With a lot of organisations the focus is on the patient; the family are given tea and biscuits and not much else.
“There need to be more support centres.
“Many are good but do not have the funding or resources.”
After working for 17 years as a bereavement adviser in the civil service, Bamidele was forced to retire because of her illness.
To stop others doing the same she also runs seminars to teach companies how to deal with employees who need to take time off work.
“At work I felt unsupported and resigned,” the life coach said.
“It wasn’t because my manager was wicked, it was ignorance and the inadequacy of policies.”
Bamidele now hopes that she can make a difference to those in the same situation.
She said: “Even though trauma changes your life completely, the new normal journey can be a thriving and fulfilling one.”