CHOIR SET UP TO COMFORT DYING
AS Kate Munger’s friend lay in a coma dying from HIV and Aids, she did the only thing she knew she could do when she was afraid – sing. For two and a half hours, Kate, from the United States, sang to her friend as he passed away.
Consoled by the thought that she had somehow comforted her friend in his final hours of need, she set up a choir for others to do the same for other people who were dying.
Now the Threshold Choir has gone worldwide, with choirs set up all across America, Canada and Europe.
Now a Welsh branch has been set up in the Ceredigion village of Blaenwaun for singers to do the same.
Debbie Wasson, 41, set up the branch covering West Wales with her friend Thalia Beam in January after hearing about its success Stateside.
Thalia had been on a course about home funerals in the US when she heard about the idea, and after meeting Debbie at an event which promotes the normality of death.
Debbie said: “We met at a death café in Narberth. A death café tries to get people to talk about death, not in a counselling way, but normalise it. We meet up four times a year in a café, and there’s no real agenda. Sometimes they’ll give you a theme or something to talk about. It’s just trying to normalise death.
“I’d heard about it before but it wasn’t quite the right time to do it. But we met and had a cup of tea and decided to give it a try.”
Based in West Wales, the choir sends two to four members to sing soothing songs to people on the “threshold of death” – free of charge.
It’s designed to comfort those about to pass away, and co-founder Debbie says the service is about being with someone at their final time of need.
“The idea is that we do bedside singing for those who are on the threshold of dying,” she said.
“Family can listen, they can be with us or not. It’s specifically for the family, but they can get something out of it if it feels nice for them.
“It’s offering a gift of kindness to people that are dying,” she added.
“Sometimes people at the point of death are not in a place of conversation, but want company. If you’re singing to someone, you’re giving them something without asking anything from them. You can talk at someone for a bit but that can start to feel a bit soul-destroying.
“To sing, it’s like lullabies for babies to get them to sleep, it’s that kind of a gentle way of being with someone.”
Although the choir have yet to sing at any bedsides, they have performed at solemn occasions.
“We’re quite new and the Threshold Choir advises that you practise for six to nine months so you’ve got enough of a repertoire,” Debbie said.
“We haven’t actually done any bedside singing yet. We’ve sung at Dying Matters Week, an organisation that gives advice and information about dying. They do a week every year promoting the normalisation of death, a space to talk about it. They did coffin decorating and memorial buntingmaking. Lots of different people locally were involved. That normally happens in May. We sang there as a whole choir.
“We also sang at the Hiroshima memorial day in Haverfordwest as a whole choir. We haven’t done any singing yet, but we’re just putting it out there.”
Set up in January, the choir now has 14 members across West Wales from a host of different backgrounds.
“Thalia was a teacher but she’s American and did a course in America about home funerals, so she’s got an interest in death and dying from that point of view,” Debbie said.
“A lot of people have been touched by death along the way – my brother died and I was around when my grandad died – and I guess it touches people for different reasons in different ways. We’re a mixed bag – some of us are stay-athome mums, some of us are working, some of us are musical, some of us aren’t.
“We don’t all read music, there’s no auditions involved. It’s just a really beautiful thing.
“When you hear it, if it touches you in some way then people want to do it.
“We practise twice a month, once on a Friday evening and once on a Sunday afternoon, at my house in my kitchen, but the numbers are starting to get a bit big for that now.
“People come from Pembrokeshire, Carmarthenshire – some people travel 40 minutes to come to practices.”
But one thing brings them all together – helping people in their final time of need.
Debbie said: “We’re happy to go to a hospice, happy to go to people’s homes, care homes, hospitals. It’s by request only – people have to ask us to come – and it’s free, we don’t charge for it, but at some point we might have to fundraise to cover petrol costs.
“The idea is that it’s the kindness at a tricky time.” gift of