‘THEY NEED TO KNOW IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK’
Mum sets up support centre for young men following son’s death
ON WEDNESDAY, April 15, 2015, Rachel Degaetano’s life changed for ever. Her 21-year-old son, Chae, killed himself. He was found by a dog walker in an area of woodland within walking distance of the family home in College Road in Barry in the Vale of Glamorgan.
He had been battling mental demons since he was 13.
Now the Barry mother of five wants to set up a suicide support centre in the town, to help other young men in the town who may be struggling like her son was – and the families left behind.
“In March and April of 2014, I lost two good male friends to suicide,” she said. “In March 2015, another young lad took his life and my son died in April 2015.
“Since Chae’s death, another seven young local lads have taken their lives – the latest in January 2018.
“That, for me, signalled enough. Something has to be done. We need to support our vulnerable young adults.
“There are not enough resources, they have nowhere to go, they don’t know how to control their feelings, or even what to do with them.
“It’s time that changed. They need to know it’s OK not to be OK.”
She hopes setting up a support centre can help those struggling – especially after she faced her own challenges herself.
“At the moment it’s the only thing that I’m keeping going for,” she said.
“I don’t want to see another family going through what I’ve been through.
“There’s no support out there. When the police came and told me Chae had gone, they went, and that was it. They don’t offer you counselling or anything.
“There needs to be something. You’re grieving and sometimes you’re blaming yourself and then health that in turn makes you feel guilty and you get to the point where you feel suicidal. So many people left behind after suicide consider it themselves.
“I think it was only because I had support from my partner and friends that I didn’t [take my own life]. I would text them and say I can’t do it any more and they would be here. “There needs to be a go-to place.” Rachel has teamed up with the Jacob Abraham Foundation (JAF), which already has a support centre in Cardiff.
The charity, soon to be renamed Suicide Support Cymru, was established by Jacob’s mother Nicola after the 24-year-old killed himself in October 2015.
Working together, Rachel hopes to replicate JAF’s work to help prevent suicide, through direct intervention with vulnerable people, raising awareness of mental health and suicide issues, promoting positive mental health, and supporting people bereaved through suicide in both Barry and the Vale.
Now she needs to raise £85,000 to start up the centre.
Named Gobaith (Barri), the campaign began with a public meeting at Barry Town Football Club a few months ago, with the local community turning up in force to support Rachel’s plans for a safe place.
“It’s going to help massively,” she said. “JAF have saved 12 lives so far that they know of and, if we can replicate that, that would be amazing.
“My sister suggested that I go in and meet her [Nicola] and I thought they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I met Nicola and it was like a meeting of minds.
“We were so alike and focused on doing something and both agreed there’s not enough being done.
“The next step for us is to register as a charity and just keep fundraising. I’d like to be open by the end of next year. It’s not going to be overnight but the sooner the better.”
Rachel now hopes she can use her son’s story to achieve something positive.
“It’s exhausting,” she said. “When someone close dies, you grieve for a while, but then your life moves on and you expect it to be the same. But it’s not.
“Yesterday, I saw pictures of Chae and it hurts. It never stops. It just goes on but I’m feeling like I’m trying to give back as much as I can.”
For confidential support, the Samaritans can be contacted free around the clock, 365 days a year, on 116 123.