DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE IF YOU’RE LOST FOR WORDS
IN his mid-50s Martin Buckridge, a lifelong stammerer, walked down the high street near his home in Cardiff and went into shops and businesses telling them about his condition.
The response was a revelation. Instead of the cold embarrassment of his parents or the bullying of his school teachers as a child, Martin was met with support and congratulations for his courage in speaking out.
“I just went to the till in shops and introduced myself as a stammerer and asked if could tell them my full name and why. They were all very supportive and said ‘good on you’ and ‘keep up the good work’.”
For someone who once found it hard to say his name out loud, this was a huge victory.
“It was fantastic to talk about it. The reaction I had was so positive that I then stopped strangers in the street to tell them. For me it was something I had to do, to slay that beast and be open about it.”
The civil servant, now 61, said he took the plunge because therapy he was having at the time encouraged him to open up rather than hide his speech condition.
Stammering, the struggle to get words out, affects an estimated 1% of adults and 5% of children, but is still a little discussed and understood condition. Stigma and embarrassment surrounding it can affect lives, careers and relationships.
Martin, who started stammering aged around three, said he grew up in a family that never talked about his condition. His parents made him feel ashamed and he never had a conversation with his siblings about his stuttering until that time he decided to go into shops and talk about it.
When asked his name in public as a child, Martin found it so hard he sometimes gave another name rather than none at all. He was less worried about getting into trouble than seeming to be unable to speak.
“Every stammerer is different but many find it helpful to open up,” he said. “There comes a point when every stammerer is ready to deal with it. That was not until about six or seven years ago for me. For the first time, I spoke to my brothers about my stammer and they were very positive, too.
“For as long as I can remember I was painfully aware of stammering. My stammer was a source of shame and embarrassment to my parents and hardly ever talked about.”
At school he says he was bullied more by teachers than children and when he left home to go to university aged 18 he took himself to speech therapy.
“You never stop being a stammerer but learn to control it. It’s a matter of confidence,” he said.
Ironically, Martin, who finds speaking at work meetings and to friends in the pub hard, said learning to do public speaking has helped him. He is a member of public speaking club Cardiff Toastmasters and said rehearsing what he is going to say helps.
This weekend he joined around 200 delegates from all over the world gathered in Cardiff for the British Stammering Association national conference.
The condition is often hidden, according to Michael O’Shea, who said his crippling stutter began aged four after he was severely beaten by a nun during his first week at school in his native Ireland.
“After the beating I didn’t speak for three months and when I started again I had a stammer,” Michael, 62, said. “My parents never hit me so physical violence was alien to me.”
Beaten with a stick by a teacher at the same school three years later meant his stammer grew worse.
Michael said his parents didn’t question the school because the culture in Ireland at the time was that no one questioned authority.
He spent thousands of pounds on speech therapy through his 20s and 30s but none helped until, aged 43 and married with two sons, he found a system The McGuire Programme.
Since then Michael has spoken near-fluently but describes himself as a “recovered stammerer”. He must practise techniques he was taught to overcome his stammer and ongoing support is vital, he said.
Now a life coach and trainer, Michael detailed his experience in his book, Why I Called My Sister Harry, and helps others with stammers.
Before this weekend’s conference he was asked to run a workshop for a group of “covert stammerers” from South Wales, including a judge, a midwife and accountant. All have devised ways to hide their condition.
“Covert stammerers keep words in their heads but there is real fatigue in that,” said Michael. “Covert stammerers are walking thesauruses. Stammerers learn skills and some people can hide it very well but are working very hard underneath.”
Society is getting more aware and understanding about stammering, believes Rory Sheridan, 22, a photography graduate who exhibited his work at the conference, video interviews with fellow stammerers. Rory, who began stammering aged around four, said family, friends and his school were supportive and he had speech therapy. But he worries his condition will make it hard as he looks for his first graduate job.
“I was picked on a bit at school because of my stammer. Awareness in schools is slowly improving but there are still issues,” the young Londoner believes.
“A lot of young people seem a lot more switched on about disability. My advice to young people would be to reach out to the British Stammering Association for professional support and to meet people who stammer because it can be very isolating.”
Yinka Dolan, 52, agrees. She began stammering aged 11 when she started high school at home in Warrington. It was not until adulthood that she became more aware of negative responses, when a work colleague made fun of her inability to find words when answering the phone. In her 30s the mother of two set up a support group. Yinka, who runs the Warrington Stammering Support Group, travelled to Cardiff to share her experiences and hear those of others.
“Stammering made me feel ashamed,” she said. “I used to block – I was speaking and words just wouldn’t come. I was a covert stammerer and switched words when I couldn’t find one. I tried techniques like sliding the words out.”
She said she had successful speech therapy but still struggles. Speaking on the phone can be hard so she tells people she has a stammer.
Martin, Michael, Yinka and Rory have very different experiences of stammering. To those who don’t stammer they ask two things – to maintain eye contact while they are trying to reach for words and to never finish their sentences for them.
“There is still stigma when it comes to employment,” said Yinka, “Stammering is physical and psychological, it is different for everybody.”
Martin’s advice to those with a stammer is to seek support and communicate about it. But this, like speaking, is often not as easy as it sounds.
For more information visit: www. stammering.org