JUST 21 – AND SHE’S ALREADY BEEN AN ALCOHOLIC
Charlie-Jane reveals how she turned to drink while battling with depression
ON THE face of it CharlieJane Barber seemed like a normal, young professional. Work hard, play
hard.
But in fact she wasn’t just enjoying a drink with friends on the weekend. She was drinking a bottle of wine a night, hiding alcohol and contemplating suicide.
For an entire year she successfully hid her alcohol addiction which masked her crippling anxiety and depression.
After seeking professional help, the 21-year-old has now bravely shared her experiences of alcoholism in a bid to help others in a similar position. “I was too cowardly to just end my life. I was willing to let the alcohol do it long-term for me,” she said.
Charlie-Jane said she knew “something was wrong” when she was a pupil at St Richard Gwyn Catholic High School in Barry.
But it wasn’t until she started at St David’s College in Cardiff that she first realised she was experiencing anxiety and depression.
“I was really moody and not myself. I initially thought I was just being a typical teenager,” she said.
“But going to college broke me. It was the next step into adulthood and I just wasn’t ready for it.”
At times, Charlie-Jane said the depression made her feel like a “zombie”, void of any feelings or emotions. “There are widespread misconceptions around depression. It’s not just a feeling of being sad,” she added. “Some days you feel nothing at all, then other days all the feelings just come at once.”
Despite her mental ill-health she managed to land a “dream” job as a video editing assistant, yet the anxiety spiralled and she turned to alcohol to cope.
“At first it was just to de-stress after a hard day. I’d have a glass of wine after work in the evening.”
Before long, she admitted her drinking went from one glass to one bottle every day.
“I would function with it during the working week,” admitted Charlie-Jane, who now lives in Pontyclun. “Then on the weekends I’d binge out completely.”
She said she soon began sneaking wine into the family home that she shared with her mum, stepdad and three brothers.
“Some days I’d pretend to them that I was very tired and needed to go to bed, but I’d just go upstairs and carry on drinking. It was very hard to hide it from them.”
Charlie-Jane said she started to “lose her mind” and began contemplating ending her life.
“There was a massive lake outside my work, and during that time virtually every day I would walk there and think ‘I could just jump in and never come back up’.”
She said the turning point came in November 2018 when she was visiting a close friend.
“I went there with three bottles of beer on a week night. They sat me down and told me I needed to get serious help with my drinking.
“I told my boss in work that I was struggling a little bit, and I started going to an eight-week alcohol support group.”
While she admitted her depression was now under control, Charlie-Jane confessed she is likely to battle with these demons for the rest of her life.
She said she fears there are potentially many other young people in a similar position to her who are completely unaware they are developing a drinking problem.
“Young people are living in a very stressful world, but they have to try and help themselves. You can’t just skip things like college,” she said.
“Find the support from family and friends, do things in your life that you can enjoy. I appreciate that’s easier said than done.”
To help her overcome the addiction she spent many months creating a video of her journey and sharing it on social media.
She added: “If the video reaches out to just one person then I have done my job.”
Anyone seeking help can call Samaritans free on 116 123 or visit Samaritans.org