CHINESE CRACKERS! Wacky takeaway writes hilariously random replies to punter reviews
IT’S long been a firm favourite on Newport’s Chinese takeaway circuit. Enjoying an average five out of six stars on the Just Eat website, the New World Cantonese on the city’s busy Cardiff Road has, for years, prided itself on offering tasty, authentic Oriental meals.
However, it’s the venue’s responses to its customer online reviews that are providing the most food for thought.
From berating unhappy customers for making the wrong order choice and recommending hoisin sauce and duck pancakes as the “Jay Z of appetisers”, to even giving in-depth weather reports to explain why a delivery arrived late, the comments are often spicier than their ribs in Szechuan sauce.
When one customer wrote that her food was bland, the restaurant recommended she chose a dish with stronger flavours next time, saying: “You only ordered sweet and sour Cantonese chicken and sweet and sour chicken balls, and egg fried rice, all these are sweet and sour flavours, try ordering black beans or Szechuan sauce next time. We remind our customers that we are the best there is, there was, and there will be.”
Then, weirdly, they sign off by adding: “We Use Heinz Tomato ketchup where as others use Happy Shoppers Ketchup.”
Similarly, a complaint on October 18 that a food order arrived cold was met with the following reply: “It was extremely heavy rain, temperature was 10 degrees tonight. We delivered your meal under one hour, you live in a mansion on Chepstow Road with only name on your doorstep, driver has taken extra time to find you, sorry.
“It is still thundering down with heavy rain as I write this response.”
Rave reviews also get oddly random replies, like this response to a six-star write-up from Stacey.
“Thanks Stacey. The promise we made the promise we keep. No excuses. We don’t phone customers to tell them we will be late. We phone them telling them we are early so make sure they are in when we deliver. Even on weekends. When meals are delivered elsewhere over 1+1/2 bacterias multiply.”
Oliver opined: “Best Chinese I have ever had.” To which New World replied: “Thanks Oliver, wet and windy, but hot and tasty food delivered in 42 minutes on busy
Friday night – what else can you ask for? We pride ourselves in action, never will we ruin your night in front of Netflix and chill.”
However, the staff seem happy to put their hands up on the occasions when they get it wrong.
“Chips were not cooked fully and the rice was not either... had hard bits in,” critiqued a customer known only as Chris.
“Sorry Chris,” New World responded. “The new frying chef apologies [sic] and has learnt from his mistakes.”
Sometimes, though, a one-star review for the food not turning up can’t really be blamed on anyone other than the customer themselves.
“Hi Lewis, you ordered the meal for collection. We waited for you for half an hour to come to pick up however you told us you cannot drive and have no car.”
Some like one man called Simon, however, are quite mellow about his Saturday night order arriving late, a situation helped by the delivery driver being apologetic and handing over a few freebies as compensation.
New Work responded: “Thank you for understanding Simon. We always apologize to customers when running late and we always gives freebies even when we’re early. The only time we refused to apologize is customers swearing at us first. They spend twenty pounds and thinks they owns Buckingham Palace.”
Everyone has their off days – we are not Artificial Intelligence
– ONE REPLY