CONTROLLING EX FORCED ME TO GET TATTOO OF HIS NAME
‘HE FRIGHTENED LIFE OUT OF ME’ – MUM’S STORY,
ALISA THOMAS sat reluctantly in the tattooist’s chair as her boyfriend argued with him about the design she was about to get on her arm. She didn’t even like tattoos but she was caught in a controlling relationship and Martin Mitchell was determined she would get his name permanently and prominently etched on her skin.
“He frightened the life out of me,” said Alisa, speaking out after Mitchell was sentenced at Cardiff Crown Court.
Mum-of-two Alisa, 29, from Llantwit Major, who works as a postwoman, first met Mitchell through work two years ago and they started dating.
Describing her first impression of him, she said: “He was really, really nice. He was charming and he paid me compliments.”
They moved in together and it soon became clear Mitchell had difficulties controlling his emotions, especially anger.
Recalling the first time he lost his temper, she said: “It was terrifying. It was within two weeks of him moving in when I first saw it.”
Alisa said her former partner came to pick up their son and she brushed her hair out of her face while talking to him outside.
When she went back into the house she said Mitchell “lost it”, accusing her of flirting with her ex and calling her abusive names.
“That’s the first time I saw it,” she said. “As soon as it happened once it just got worse and worse to the point I was not allowed out of his sight.”
She said Mitchell set out rules like banning her from saying her former partner’s name and insisting she use a derogatory name instead. He lost his temper with her for “messing up”.
Alisa, who felt herself becoming distant, explained: “I could see it happening. I was frightened to do anything.”
Mitchell did not want her to have any contact with her former partner and checked her messages, telling her what she could and could not say.
He started to control her appearance and pressured her to wear red lipstick even though she did not usually wear much make-up.
Mitchell also made her throw away any clothes she owned before they got together. “It was everything,” she said. “Shoes, clothes, underwear.”
The couple went on holiday to Gran Canaria in September 2018 and Mitchell decided she should get his name tattooed on her arm. Having previously had a small tattoo on her stomach she regretted, she did not want another.
“I don’t even like tattoos – it’s not my thing,” she said. “But you couldn’t say no to him. He wanted it on my entire arm so everyone could see it.”
The tattoo artist refused to do the name design that big but agreed to do a smaller version on her wrist. Mitchell’s name was branded on her skin and he told her: “Now everyone will know you’re mine.”
“Three weeks later he decided it wasn’t big enough,” she continued. “Not enough people were seeing it so he wanted me to get a bigger neck tattoo. I begged him no. I said I wouldn’t be able to have it at work.”
Alisa has since had his name covered with a black and white flower design.
The couple moved to Boverton in the Vale of Glamorgan in April last year and Mitchell would not let her put up any pictures of her life before their relationship. She said: “I had canvases of my kids but he e told me: ‘You’re not having those se in the house.’”
Alisa said she was not allowed ed to speak to male colleagues and d Mitchell expected her to stay y on the phone to him through- out her shifts.
“He would tell me who I could and couldn’t speak to,” she recalled. “I didn’t know who I was any more. I was miserable. I was not who I am. I couldn’t make one ne decision. It was suffocating. g. I was so worried every day about bout making him angry. I would shake hake all the time – I was so scared. cared. Towards the end I just wanted nted to die. It was getting so bad.”
There was an altercation following ollowing an argument at a pub on August ugust 28 last year and a neighbour called lled the police. Mitchell was taken to the
police station in Bridgend and told officers: “I didn’t think I did anything wrong. It was only a little push.”
He denied controlling or coercive behaviour and the case was listed for trial at Cardiff Crown Court on March 4. Alisa and other witnesses attended, ready to give evidence.
“I was terrified of going into the courtroom,” she said. “I could not imagine anything worse. I knew he would be there.”
Mitchell, 49, of St David Street in Ton Pentre, changed his plea as the trial was due to start and Alisa did not have to go into the witness box.
He was due to be sentenced later in March but the hearing was adjourned due to the coronavirus pandemic. On Monday, Mitchell was given a 16-month prison sentence, suspended for 18 months, and ordered to complete 10 days of a rehabilitation activity with focus on victim empathy.
He was ordered to complete 24 sessions of the Building Better Relationships programme plus 150 hours of unpaid work and ordered to pay £1,800 towards costs.
Judge Nicola Jones noted the offending happened over a prolonged period of time and said he had shown a lack of insight into his offending. She made a three-year restraining order.
Alisa said she did not expect him to get an immediate custodial sentence as she had been advised of the likely outcome. She reflected if he had gone to prison “he could feel what it is like to lose control of everything”.
Alisa is now recovering, trying to rebuild her and her children’s lives one step at a time – from counselling to finding a new home.
“It’s a long road. There are a lot of things to sort out” out,” she sai said. “But there is so much help out there.”
She added if she had realised support was available such as from Atal y Fro – an organisation helping families to break the cycle of domestic abuse – she may have spoken out sooner.
Alisa said the case was handled swiftly, adding: “I have got to applaud the justice system. I do feel like justice was served. It is out there now and we are free. Hopefully I can give at least one person the courage not to put up with this kind of abuse any more.”
If you or someone you know has been affected by domestic abuse visit the Live Fear Free website or call the helpline on 0808 80 10 800.