STEREOTYPE STOPS MANY COMING OUT
LGBT+ people across the board would probably agree that coming out is a hard and daunting thing to do in certain scenarios. During Lesbian Visibility Week, which ends today, LGBT+ charity Just Like Us has released new research which reveals some lesbians in the UK have delayed coming out due to negative stereotyping.
Lauren De Oliveira, 33, who lives in Cardiff, said: “I am always worried about being overly sexualised. As a femme person, who actually doesn’t feel that femme, and as a lesbian.
“And I don’t just worry about it, it happens all the time. People make gross comments when we hold hands in the streets.
“CisHet [cisgender and heterosexual] men think they can come and join you when you are trying to have a quiet drink with your partner in a bar.
“Being a lesbian means you will always be a little bit less safe, a little bit less accepted, the different one in your office. I think we delay coming out because for a lot of women it means putting yourself out there in a dangerous, predatory world...
“Being gay you lose a lot of your anonymity because you stand out more, people notice that you are not doing things ‘the normal way’.”
More than two-thirds of lesbians say they delayed coming out due to harmful stereotypes, being labelled “manhating”, over-sexualised and even antitrans.
According to Just Like Us, there are two main reasons for lesbians delaying coming out, 30% said that coming out was viewed as “cringey” and 25% were told it was “wrong”.
Those who took part in the research said lesbians were often called taboo, embarrassing and old-fashioned.
Young lesbians between the ages of 18 and 24 are the most likely age group to delay coming out because their sexuality is seen as “over-sexualised”.
Pippa, 25, said that she didn’t feel comfortable labelling herself until she was 20. She said: “I started realising I was gay when I was 15, but didn’t really feel comfortable calling myself anything until I was 20. A lot of people made me think that I couldn’t be sure that I was gay, especially because I’d had a boyfriend before.
“I didn’t really know how to talk to people about it because the word lesbian is so tied to sex and pornography that it always feels like calling yourself lesbian is the same as sharing details about your sex life.”
Mara, 20, said the word lesbian was often used as an insult.
They said: “I came out as bisexual at 15, lesbian at 17, and non-binary at 19.
“My high school experience was quite challenging at times, as the word lesbian was often used as an insult, so it was difficult to come to terms with being a lesbian when most of what I had heard about them was in a negative light.”
One in 20 lesbians have delayed coming out because of it being seen as “antitrans”, according to the charity.
Amy Ashenden, director of communications at Just Like Us, said: “It’s heartbreaking to see that the majority of lesbians are delaying living their lives to the fullest and feel unable to come out because of tired lesbophobic stereotypes that continue to be perpetuated...
“It is especially sad to see that lesbians are delaying coming out because they fear being seen as butch, masculine and unattractive – societally there is a lot of work to be done around embracing women of all gender expressions and bringing positive messaging around being a butch lesbian to the forefront.
“To paint lesbians as ‘man-hating’, ‘unattractive’ or ‘anti-trans’ is to unfairly stereotype an entire community – these stereotypes are rooted in misogynistic ideas of what a woman should be and we can see the damaging effects of these stereotypes, particularly on young lesbians, in the research.”