Why Deborah’s words strike a chord with all parents

AT the beginning of this week, bowel cancer campaigner and BBC podcast host of You, Me and the Big C, Deborah James, announced she had been moved to hospice-at-home care, revealing she did not know now how long she had left to live.

James was first diagnosed with Stage 4 bowel cancer in 2016, at the age of 35, and in the five years since her diagnosis, campaigned relentlessly to raise awareness of the disease, raising thousands for the charity Bowel Cancer UK.

I’ve been following James – known by her social media handle, Bowelbabe – on Instagram and reading her column about her cancer battle in The Sun for a while now. Her battle has been well documented, beating the odds several times, giving hope and comfort to fellow sufferers and their families, while no doubt saving many lives in the process. As with any social media ‘star’, James is a familiar face and voice on TV, radio and online and so I, like many others, have ended up over the years feeling like we know her.

Having lost a much-loved uncle to this disease, and living with IBD myself, I’ve cheered James on from the sidelines as she fearlessly campaigned to break the stigma surrounding bowel disease while all the while undergoing her own gruelling treatment.

In many ways, the fact that she has beaten the odds time and again almost makes her seem immortal.

Yet, in her heartbreaking final column in The Sun this week, James revealed her fight was coming to an end as her body cannot withstand any more. She wrote of her fear of death, saying: “I do not want to die – I can’t get my head around the idea that I will not see my kids’ weddings or see them grow up – that I will no longer be a part of the life that I love so much.”

Such a brave admission, when facing the unimaginable. Death is still such a taboo subject, we talk at great length about how we can avoid it, but not so much about how to accept it. We tend to pretend that it’s not going to happen, ignoring the fact that death is inevitable.

I am certain James’s fear of not seeing her children grow up struck a chord with parents everywhere. We just spent a week in Wales on a little family staycation. It was lovely to witness Ada’s excitement every day to be somewhere new, on an adventure with mum and dad. Fun things to do at every turn, an ice-cream break never far away. To top it all off, she learnt to ride her bicycle without stabilisers after just a few attempts.

After several requests to “let me go daddy!”, Peter reluctantly released his hold on her jacket, and we watched in astonishment as she pedalled furiously to the end of the road, shouting “I’m doing it! I’m doing it!” as she rode. This moment was another gift to put with all the others so far that we have been lucky enough to experience. And so many still ahead that we take for granted we will be there for. After I had Ada, I began to realise that when you’re a parent, you get a front-row seat to the best show in town. The thought of being forced to leave that show early doesn’t bear thinking about. Hence, the reason why we don’t like to talk or think about death I guess.

James has thanked her supporters after a fundraiser for cancer research she launched just this week has so far raised more than £4m. Her final advice before moving away from the public sphere to spend the time she has left with her family is this: “Find a life worth enjoying, take risks, love deeply, have no regrets, and always have hope. And finally, check your poo – it might just save your life.”

A truly remarkable woman.