Tragic soldier’s mother hits at unit’s lack of care
THE mother of a special forces soldier who took his own life has criticised the care her son received from his unit in the days before he died, an inquest heard.
Corporal Alexander Tostevin, 28, was serving with the Poole-based Special Boat Service when he took his own life at his home in March 2018.
His mother, Alison Tostevin, told an inquest in Bournemouth that her son’s chain of command knew he had been contemplating ending his life.
“I think the thing that troubled and traumatised me the most was that everybody knew two days before my son died, he sat in a darkened flat with a noose around his neck contemplating kicking away a chair,” she told the hearing.
“Everybody knew that’s what my son had done, and I think that life must be cheap to people.
“How they think it is OK to leave someone with a dog, 999 and the Samaritans. I don’t know anybody who thinks that is good enough for their son.
“His care was casual and incompetent, and you destroyed us now our son is gone.”
A month before he died, Mrs Tostevin said her son had been placed on an informal “suicide watch” at the home of a special forces colleague and his wife.
“She told me at Alex’s funeral an informal suicide watch was set up, but it was not good enough and she was angry,” she said.
“He had been found in the gym rolling around on the floor, very distressed, and he went to them.
“It wasn’t good enough – they weren’t qualified, and he didn’t have any dignity, he didn’t have anywhere to sleep, and he felt he was intruding.”
Mrs Tostevin said her son had changed after returning from a tour to Afghanistan in 2010 and his mental health deteriorated.
“It was really awful. Lots of people had lost limbs, even their lives,” she said.
“Alex said children would strap bombs to themselves and lead them into danger. Alex said they would give them sweets. He said he was frightened of children.
“The snipers would make new ‘murder holes’ in compounds and they would have to go out and they were targeted by snipers constantly.”
He was mentioned in dispatches after being shot in the helmet while providing covering fire to allow two comrades to get to safety.
Mrs Tostevin said after he returned from Afghanistan he would take a cricket bat to bed for safety and became frightened of silence and loud noises.
“When he came back from Afghanistan he had changed. He wasn’t like that before,” she said.
“He got more irritable. He was doing things out of character which were disrespectful. He was being silly with girls and money.”
Cpl Tostevin, from Guernsey, had joined the Royal Marines at 18 and later passed selection for the Special Boat Service, completing an overseas operation with the unit in 2016.
The inquest heard that there was a court case in April 2017 following an incident in a club, and the following September he had gone absent without leave.
Mrs Tostevin said: “I knew he loved his job and took it very seriously and was very proud to be serving. It was obviously worse than a lark. It indicated to me that there was a problem.”
Mrs Tostevin described her son as being “sad and not himself ” at Christmas 2017 and he feared he had bipolar disorder.
“He wasn’t himself, he wasn’t bubbly, he was just sad, just not himself – a shell of Alex,” she said.
In one message, following a discussion about the actor Stephen Fry’s documentary on his own bipolar disorder, he told his mother: “I have been risk-taking since I got shot in my helmet.
“I feel like I have expired, and I feel my work is slipping away and I can’t stop crying.”
Asked what she knew about this, Mrs Tostevin replied: “I didn’t know that he was stockpiling pills – I should have known.
“I didn’t know he was practising killing himself, I didn’t know.”
Mrs Tostevin said she was unaware he had used illicit drugs and said she did not believe he was a heavy drinker.
A welfare officer, known as WO1, was assigned to him as he was facing a disciplinary hearing. He also spoke to a community psychiatric nurse and a Royal Navy psychiatrist.
Referring to the disciplinary proceedings, Mrs Tostevin said: “It was ridiculous, it was cruel.
“I remember he said he just wanted it to be over with and wanted to get back to work. He would rather go to prison for a short, sharp shock and take it on the chin and carry on with his career.”
In 2016 Cpl Tostevin went on an overseas operation with the Special Boat Service.
Kirsten Heaven, representing the Tostevin family, asked Mrs Tostevin: “Is it your evidence that Alex had been exhibiting behavioural changes well before that period?”
Mrs Tostevin replied: “Yes.”
The inquest continues.