Don’t duck the issue, here’s how to discuss terrorism with children
While the UK comes to terms with yet another terror attack on home soil, Winston’s Wish – a charity which supports children and their families after the death of a parent or sibling – compiled a list of advice for parents, teachers and carers on the best
How can you best explain this to your children?
They recommend talking to children using words they understand and are appropriate for their age.
“It’s best to use honest, clear language if possible. It’s probably best to tell children information a bit at a time, giving them the opportunity to come back with more questions. Older children will want and be able to handle more information.”
The explanation can be basic, especially for young children.
“All this news is because something very bad and very sad happened in Manchester. What seems to have happened is that someone attacked other people at a pop concert. It is very unusual that something like this happens. This is one of the reasons why it is on the news and lots of people are talking about it; it is also because it is very upsetting that something like this could happen. Everyone who has heard the news is very sad and worried.”
Should you stop children and young people watching television coverage or seeing the newspapers?
The charity says the story will be upsetting because children can imagine something like this happening to them or someone close to them.
While you may be tempted to stop them hearing about it, the charity says it is better for your children to have the opportunity to ask questions and receive reassurance because other children will have heard the news.
Their guidance says: “Your judgement of what your child can understand is very valuable. If your children are used to watching and discussing the news with you, they may be able to watch an early news bulletin with you beside them. Encourage children to ask questions about what they are seeing and answer as well as you can.”
As days pass, coverage of people grieving, online memorials and vigils may also trigger more questions.
The charity says: “We know that we cannot shield children from these painful events and that attempting to do so can have negative consequences.”
What should you say about the attacker?
“It’s really hard to be calm about something this terrible. But, if you find it possible, try and distinguish between bad acts and bad people,” Winston’s Wish advises.
“Children find the idea of bad people particularly frightening. Children are also very fair-minded and will want reassurance that the person who did this has been caught by the police and will be punished.
“Older children will appreciate more details and the opportunity to explore why people do such desperately terrible things and the way the family are feeling.
“This can be an opportunity to help young people develop their empathy and reflect on the value of life and relationships.”
How you can answer when they ask ‘why?’
If the children want to know “why?” you could say something like:
“No-one can completely know why. We know it wasn’t an accident. It’s so, so difficult to understand why anyone would be so cruel as to kill other people.’”
What to do if your children are now scared
Try to answer with some solid reassurance, such as: “We don’t expect anything like this will ever happen here.
“If one of us died for any reason, you would always be looked after by... (the other parent/aunt/uncle/ granny/family friend). I don’t expect to die for a long time yet.
“The police will do all they can to make sure this sort of attack does not happen here. It is really, really unlikely that this will happen to anyone we know. We will keep you safe.” What sort of effect will events like the Manchester Arena explosion have on children? Consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Andrea Danese, who is also clinical senior lecturer at King’s College London, told the Press Association: “It is difficult to say if this attack will hit youngsters worse because it was an attack on their peers.
“I imagine it will be very confusing and distressing for many young people seeing how these horrific attacks now have reached activities that are and should remain positive, enjoyable, and energising.
“Young people have huge resilience but should also know that it is OK to ask for help. We should not let stigma or ignorance about mental health take a toll.”
When asked what advice he would give to parents when discussing the attack with their children, Dr Danese added: “Parents can make clear that the attack is now over. Talk about emotions – parents can explain that it is normal to be sad and upset after such horrific events.
“Children should not be forced to talk about the attack if they do not want to. However, parents should be open and supportive if their children ask questions or want to talk.
“Parents should provide honest and accurate information or answers to help their children make sense of what has happened and clarify any misunderstandings about the event.”
He added that parents can also help their children regain a sense of control over their lives by sticking to normal routines and daily activities.