MODERN FAMILY
SON junior has got some strong views on tomorrow’s General Election - but I’m yet to be won over by the strategy of not voting for someone just because they are “annoying ”.
Trying to explain who is saying what and what each party is pledging is quite difficult as eight-year-olds are more interested in the football and sweet (not fiscal) policies that the different parties may have.
It has got me thinking though about what would get him interested in politics, what he would like to see on a manifesto, and what would be his policies if he was Prime Minister.
When asked, he says his priorities should be obvious: “There would be no more terrorist attacks and muggers would get arrested and sent to prison for five years.” If only it was so simple. On further reflection he said any big brothers who are rude to either their parents or younger sibling would have to stay in prison for 12 hours, to see what it is like and by way of a salutary experience which should nip any meanness in the bud.
All funfairs and fairground rides should be free to use and compulsory eating of chocolate with every meal, including breakfast, would definitely get his vote.
I imagine he would also advocate stronger punishments (perhaps a decade in the Tower?) for any mums or dads who tuck into his stash of chocolate after the children have gone to bed.
Every single item in the stash has been mentally noted and stored, so you cannot get away with thinking “they won’t notice just one little button disappearing from the packet”.
I am also sure there would be something in there about parents who do not let their children have dogs. Such miscreants should be banished and replaced with a lovely golden Retriever called Steve who “would be walked” every day.
Another pledge my youngest floated is hair gel free on the NHS and radios should only be set to stations that play Harry Styles, Ed Sheeran and Little Mix on a continuous loop.
If he were to win and take up office I am sure there would be jobs for those who supported him throughout the campaign.
His older brother would be given the job of Minister in charge of helping out with tricky levels on the latest computer games.
His father might be Chancellor of the Exchequer, but there would be a clause inserted into the Budget that presents and treats will be provided on demand.
Me, well I would probably be his office manager organising his work and social diary, clearing up after him and making sure that his every whim is catered for, pretty much what I do now.
On a more serious note, he is at an age where he is starting to recognise his own beliefs, and any talk and engagement regarding politics, even if it is confectionary-based, is a really important part of his expanding education.