A PARENT’S VIEW
TALKING to your children about puberty and sex was probably something you chuckled about when they were small. You had this luxury because it was so far in the future and you had plenty of other things to worry about.
However, before you know it, you have a prepubescent big kid living in your home. The “talk” is no longer an abstract concept – it is something you need to deal with pretty quickly.
There is a lot of help out there for parents these days.
My eldest daughter is now 19 so it was some years ago that I prepared for my firstever “talk”. I remember being very conflicted. In some ways, I felt I was destroying her innocence. On the other hand, I did not want her knowledge to be based on the information – or misinformation – she picked up in the playground.
I have two other teen/tween daughters, so I have had three shots at this with varying degrees of success. I don’t claim to be an expert but I’ve learned a few things along the way.
First, it helps to ask around. I found it useful to talk to parents with kids a little older than mine. I spoke to friends and got some great tips. I felt a lot better when I realised they felt as ill-equipped as I did.
It seems we are not alone. Recent research by Boots showed 68% of parents found it difficult to broach the subject with their kids, with many avoiding it all together.
It is important to remember that it’s about them, not you. The information needs to be imparted at a time and place that suits them and in a way that they feel comfortable with. If they’re unreceptive, perhaps they’re not ready. Don’t force the issue. Let what you have said sink in and try again later.
Most children are naturally curious about their own bodies and about sex. They would like information, but not necessarily from you. I was a little disappointed to find I was not regarded as an expert on the subject, despite the fact that I have inhabited an adult body for many years and have given birth several times! Yet, you still need to ensure that the information they are getting is accurate and appropriate.
My suggestion would be to get some reading material and leave it with them. If you don’t know something, be honest and tell them you’ll have to look it up.
Dr Sharon Parry is a mother and former public health research fellow. She shares tips and her experiences of having three daughters in primary school, high school and university in Wales on her website www.aftertheplayground.com