‘In a world where global events are becoming as surreal as we could’ve imagined, perhaps beautiful beer is the only thing that will bring peace’
WE shouldn’t be surprised, but it looks like it’s down to beer to save the world. Having been satisfied with slaking the thirsts of generations upon generations, beer is now moving into the big league of statesmanship.
It takes a Scottish brewery to build a diplomatic bridge between Trump’s United States and Mexico.
On the day the President’s amazing phone conversation with Mexican leader Enrique Peña Nieto in his first week in power was leaked, craft ale pioneer BrewDog – loved by bearded hipsters since 2007 – says it wants to open a bar on the US-Mexico border.
BrewDog wants to build its Bar on the Edge half in Texas and half in Chihuahua, prompting you to wonder if President Let’s Build A Wall’s partition would bisect the pub.
“Let’s build a wall! Oh, there’s a pub in the way. Let’s go for a pint!”
On the Mexican side, US beers will be sold – on the US, Mexican drinks (along with BrewDog’s beers).
“Beer has always been a unifying factor between cultures,” says James Watt, of BrewDog (ignoring, of course, the plague of beer-induced disorder in town centres across Britain on an average Friday night).
He goes on: “And our business was born from collaboration and an inclusive approach – so we thought it would be fun to place the bar a few feet further to actually cross the US-Mexico border too.”
“We will request official permission from the local authorities to put it there and adhere to any red tape stuff, but I guess it would make it more difficult to build a wall if there’s a BrewDog bar in the way. We’re planning on putting the bar there anyway until someone tells us to move it.”
It’s to be built from old shipping containers and will be classed as a temporary mobile building.
BrewDog hopes it will become a “magnetic pole for craft beer fans” on both sides of the border to come together.
It’s a shame these plans weren’t public before Donald’s weird phone call with President Peña Nieto where he talked of “tough hombres” and helping Mexico deal with “that bigleague”, as if he’s living in a Western movie from the 1950s.
There were other highlights from the phone conversation.
Trump: “My people stand up and say, ‘Mexico will pay for the wall’ and your people probably say something in a similar but slightly different language.” Yes, in Spanish. Trump continued: “But the fact is we are both in a little bit of a political bind because I have to have Mexico pay for the wall – I have to. I am willing to say that we will work it out, but that means it will come out in the wash and that is okay.”
The presence of a pub across a little bit of the wall’s route at least means it’ll be a tiny bit cheaper, if nothing else.
Could the diplomacy of beer be used elsewhere around the world, as well as protecting us against the whims of a worryingly unpredictable US president?
What about a bar on the border between North and South Korea for army lackeys from both sides to drink together at, instead of the infamous loudspeakers pumping out ludicrous propaganda about nuclear bombs?
How about a party boat floating around the South China Sea in case things get hot and only a nice Ice Cold In Alex-style lager will cool things down?
In a world where global events are becoming as surreal as we could’ve imagined, perhaps beautiful beer is the only thing that will bring peace.
A bar on the Mexico-US border is just the beginning... in years to come hops, not hate will save humanity.