Handy hints to help your child make headway at high school
It’s an anxious time for parents everywhere – your child is beginning ‘big school’, Year 7. Here, head teacher of Cardiff ’s Eastern High Armando Di-Finizio passes on a few helpful tips to ease the transition...
IT’S the start of a new academic year and your first child is about to begin their journey through secondary school.
There’s a mix of excitement and trepidation in the house as your child prepares for his or her first day.
The uniform looks too big – “but everyone will be in the same position”, you convince your firstborn.
The bag is packed and they’re ready to go.
It’s probably not until you’ve asked if he or she would like you to walk them to school that it first dawns on you that your child is growing up.
The likely reply, if not on the first morning, then within a few days, will be, “no, that’s all right”.
In some ways it’ll be a relief; they’re becoming independent and growing up as they should.
However, there will be that little feeling in the pit of your stomach that’s telling you you’re about to lose the level of control over your child’s life that you had up until now.
I’m writing this both as a parent of three and as a head teacher, and so have experienced it from different perspectives.
As a parent, there has always been a niggling worry or concern at the back of my mind concerning my children. (Even though the day job has led to my wife taking the brunt of the worries!)
Here are just a few, given in the hope of providing some advice/reassurance for parents of children just beginning Year 7: Letting go... You’re not losing your child as such, rather, you’re watching them grow quickly into young adults.
Speaking for myself and my wife, I think this was much more about us than our children.
The anxieties we had tended to stem from experiences we had at school as children, and also the complexity of feelings one has when letting go.
With hindsight, and with my school background, I can say with confidence it’s vital you share the positives with your child and try your best not to let them see your anxieties. They need to know it’s a big adventure, in which they won’t be alone when it comes to support.
They’ll increasingly demand independence. But rather than dictate every move, if you allow them some space to make their mistakes – and at the same time be behind the scenes moderating what’s going on (at times you’ll have to say no) and supporting them – then they’ll learn as they grow and you’ll have a less stressful household. Organisation... There’s so much that is strange and new for a child starting secondary school.
To keep this stress to a minimum, it’s vital you know as much as possible about your child’s day-to-day movements.
Their timetable will tell you when they have PE or food technology (you may need ingredients).
They may also have a homework timetable.
Have copies of these pinned up somewhere.
Get them into a weekly routine, for example: packing their bag each night; doing their homework at a set time; making their own packed lunch (you’ll be lucky!) if they’re having one. Keeping track... The school is likely to have an online way of viewing your child’s progress.
This will often give you real-time information so that you can see if your child is in class on time and whether or not they have had any achievement or behaviour points that day.
Many schools now have this information available on an app which you can download. Ask your school if they have this. Please remember, information can sometimes be wrong for technical reasons, so don’t panic if your child is not marked in. It could simply be that the site has not refreshed its data yet.
It’s always worth calling the school, however, if you have any concerns.
Just be patient with the school if the info is wrong – human error can also occur. Friendship concerns... This is the source of many anxieties.
Your child will meet so many new people and will make many new friends.
Sometimes it takes a few weeks, sometimes even a whole term.
It’s very rare to see a child who doesn’t make a friend eventually.
There is, of course, the other side of this.
Your child’s friends at primary school will also be meeting new people and making new friends.
This can lead to jealousies or friendship anxieties.
Children can suddenly find themselves feeling left out and can even begin to feel victimised or bullied.
Again, it’s vital that anxieties from your own school days don’t come to the fore here and end up guiding your actions.
Children can pick up on your own anxieties quickly and it doesn’t take much for them to begin to feel like victims when a falling out has taken place.
The politics of the playground are complex, which children ultimately need to work out for themselves.
Obviously, no-one wants a distressed child and it’s vital the child always feels supported, but you can’t force two people to be friends with each other when one of them doesn’t want to be.
You can only make sure that they can live and work peaceably side by side in the school and your child learns to cope with this.
Communication with the school...
In addition to online communication, there is no reason why you can’t have regular spoken or face-toface communication.
The last thing your child wants is for you to talk to the school, but just because it’s much bigger and possibly more daunting, there is no reason why you can’t call the school if you have any concern.
Many issues can be resolved straightaway by the receptionist, but if not, then explain your concern and the receptionist is likely to either put you through to the relevant person or promise a callback.
Please remember, it is likely the person you hope to speak to will be teaching so be prepared not to have your query answered straightaway.
The best person to ask for is your child’s tutor.
They will be in a position to investigate anything concerning your child and co-ordinate any future discussions or meetings.
If you go too high, eg deputy or head teacher, it is likely they will only have to push it back to the tutor or head of year/house as they may not have the detail at their fingertips.
If you are not happy with how the school is dealing with the matter, then ask to speak to a deputy or the head. And finally... Your school will do everything it can to help you and your child have a positive experience throughout their time with them. If an issue concerning your child arises, try not to jump in straightaway if it is not serious or urgent. However, if things don’t resolve themselves, don’t allow the issue to grow.
Call the school – they want to work with you.