Mental health closet is no place for any of us to live
Reporter Gemma Parry has suffered with depression and anxiety since she was a teenager. Here she writes a deeply personal piece for Mental Health Day...
OVER the summer I began to realise that my mental health was back in an inevitable decline. It wasn’t a huge bolt out of the blue.
I’ve been living with the issues that go with my mental health for many years and it is something I’ve learnt to deal with as part of my daily life, but this time my depression and anxiety came back with a massive bang that shook up every aspect of my life.
It’s a condition that affects different people in different ways.
For me, it makes being around people difficult to the point where I feel unable to breathe, and brings with it a deep, unforgiving and what feels like an uncurable sadness that clouds every aspect of my life; my feelings, the way I think, the way I act and the way I percieve others. Basically, it’s horrible. The state of my mental health is something that has taken me many years to come to terms with.
According to my parents, I was formally diagnosed at 15, and even though 10 years have passed since then, I still find it incredibly difficult to identify as someone who has what would now be considered a disability.
Admitting that you have mental health issues, at any stage in your life, is difficult. I wrote about it a lot during my time at university and I described it then as coming out of a “mental health” closet, and I stand by that.
What I mean by closet is the space in which I feel it’s safe to stow away all the issues that go with my mental health and all those difficult conversations I’ve avoided having with friends, family and now colleagues over the years.
It’s a bit of a cliché, but I find it’s the easiest way to explain to someone my feelings of being trapped and keeping my thoughts hidden.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that coming out of that closet is something that people like me need to do.
Repeatedly, in my case, because I keep jumping back inside it and pretending that everything is fine, which I’m pretty sure isn’t the general rule of thumb for how this works.
In fact, I’m definitely sure that isn’t how it’s supposed to work. I’m not sure why I go through periods of hiding my illness and then being open about it.
In my job I’ve read a lot of stories about people being shunned because they are different and, in a way, I wonder if that is why I like to pretend I’m not. But, of course, we are all different. No-one is perfect – I’m certainly not – and even if someone says or thinks they are perfect, they can still be affected by mental health issues, just like you or me.
Around 25% of the UK are dealing or have dealt with some sort of mental health problem in their lifetime, so it’s pretty much a given that you will know someone who has their own closet, whether you know about it or not.
And if you don’t notice it, I’m not blaming you.
You can see someone with their arm in a sling and immediately know the problem and know what to ask.
But mental health is different.
What do you ask someone who is bipolar? What about someone who sinks into deep depressions, or someone who can’t be in crowded places because of their anxiety? How do you know without seeing the proof in front of your eyes?
Before my diagnosis, I’m fairly sure my family and friends wouldn’t have noticed the symptoms of my declining mental health.
Even I didn’t notice them, and I wish I had been given that knowledge and that I could recognise those symptoms not just in myself, but in others too.
It was World Mental Health Day earlier this week and I wondered why we have it.
I’d rather that we live in a world without a dedicated day to mental health because we are all already aware of it, and I really hope that one day we do.
In the spirit of that, I hope that everyone comes out of their mental health closets and has those difficult conversations with everyone in their lives who matters. Because, trust me, a closet is no place for a person to live in.
If you would like to donate to Mind, a charity which offers help to people suffering with mental health issues, visit www.mind.org. uk