‘Having a part of my Emmy would be the best thing ever’
AMAN whose wife died from cancer hopes to have the baby they always wanted thanks to a surrogate.
Jake Coates said he is planning to have the baby he and wife Emmy so desperately wanted.
Emmy, 31, died in June just 18 months after being diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
Jake, 32, said: “Having a part of Emmy would be the best thing ever. I know how much she wanted to be a mum.”
Before Emmy’s death, doctors harvested her eggs and Jake’s sperm and the couple were left with nine viable embryos.
Their surrogate Liz Begg – a former schoolmate who volunteered to carry the baby after reading primary school teacher Emmy’s emotional blog – will be implanted with one of the embryos later this month.
Just over a month before her death she and Jake sat by Liz’s side as the first of their embryos was implanted. Three weeks later the couple discovered Liz was pregnant.
But just hours later Emmy slipped into a sleep she never completely woke from. And heartbreakingly just days later, doctors discovered the pregnancy was ectopic, and the baby could not survive.
Jake, from Monmouth, said: “I think it gave Liz and I comfort [when we discovered the pregnancy was ectopic] that this first little foetus or baby had gone with Emmy and she could bring it up in heaven, if there is a place.”
Shortly after Emmy was told that chemotherapy would prevent her from carrying a child, Emmy spoke candidly about the worst part of her heartbreaking reality in a beautiful video made by close friend Jonathan Nicol.
“Jake would be the best dad in the whole wide world so that’s something I find very hard to emotionally and psychologically deal with,” she said.
“That affects me so much more than being ill because you can fight an illness. But I hate that Jake is having to make these sacrifices for me because he’s the most amazing person in the world and he’d be the best dad in the world.”
In the moving footage, Jake rubs Emmy’s back and answers: “I’m not sacrificing anything. I’ve got the best wife on the whole planet.”
The couple met when they were aged just 11 and by 13. They split while at university before reuniting a decade later. By 2016, Jake was planning to propose.
But then Jake, a doctor, found a lump in Emmy’s neck and immediately feared the worst.
“Emmy came to see me in Australia and it was on the last day when she said ‘do you mind just giving me a neck rub?’” Jake recalled.
“We were sat in restaurant on a Sunday afternoon – a really sunny, beautiful day – and I just put my hands round her neck from behind and I knew straight away [something was wrong]. “My blood ran cold. I just said very calmly that she needed to have it checked out really quickly. I told her to make an appointment with her GP as soon as she got home.”
Soon Emmy was told she had thyroid cancer. Doctors later confirmed it had spread to her spine, lungs, liver and bones. It was incurable.
Emmy spent her final 12 months undergoing chemotherapy, planning her wedding after Jake proposed over a cup of tea, fundraising tirelessly for The Royal Marsden Hospital in London with a 2,000km tandem bike ride across Europe and writing a series of children’s books which they sold through their online business, Mollivers.
Emmy and Jake raised more than £140,000 in support of The Royal Marsden Cancer Charity. Their amazing achievement saw Jake named ITV Fundraiser of the Year at the Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards, in partnership with TSB, where he was joined by Emmy’s sister Sophie.
The couple wed in September 2016 but behind the scenes they were already secretly fighting for their chance to become parents.
“On our first day at the Royal Marsden in April last year we sat down and talked through all Emmy’s symptoms and all our options.
“Really it was a no-brainer. Even though symptom-wise she was at her worst, she desperately wanted children. It was the prospect of being able to store some embryos which kept her going initially.”
Within three weeks, Emmy’s eggs and Jake’s sperm were harvested, the embryos created, and she began chemotherapy the following day.
The couple soon discovered surrogacy can be difficult and Emmy started a blog detailing her story.
One of the selfless people who came forward and offered to be a surrogate was former schoolmate Liz, 32, from Hereford.
“I didn’t really know them at school but when Emmy started sharing her story on her blog, I knew I wanted to help,” Liz said.
Jake said: “We got on like a house on fire and her warmth and sweet nature shone through from the first second. She was the perfect fit. By February we were at the clinic, ready to go.”
Seeing the word ‘pregnant’ appear on a pregnancy test was the last time Liz would speak to Emmy.
Emmy was unconscious for most of the final two weeks of her life. Jake was sitting next to his wife when she took her final breaths and said: “She died blissful in the knowledge we were going to have our baby.”
In the week after Emmy’s death, doctors confirmed Liz was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.
“I’ll always be grateful that Emmy didn’t know what happened next,” Jake said. “Up until she died, we were pregnant.”
Now, with six embryos left, Jake plans to try again. And Liz says there was “never any doubt” she would give it another shot.
The second surrogacy attempt will be later this month and they are hoping for a positive test before Christmas.
Jake now faces a future as a single dad. “I know Emmy won’t be there when her baby is born – that will hit like a tonne of bricks.”
Jake makes videos of his and his wife’s story from hundreds of photos and footage and hopes to teach their child what Emmy taught him – to “smile, love and be kind”.
“Having a part of Emmy in the world is all important,” he said. “She would have been the most incredible mum of all time.”
To donate, you can go to www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ejtandemonium
Pride of Britain Awards is on ITV at 8pm tonight.