Mel would be looking down at me, thinking ‘You b**tard’. We talked about going on the road for years
Comedian Griff Rhys Jones chats to MARION McMULLEN about the joys and perils of travel
What was the starting point for your forthcoming tour Where Was I?
IT IS going through my own experience from the last 15 years. I’ve sailed a boat to St Petersburg and around the Med, travelled to Morocco, the Galapagos, India and Australia and made TV series like Greatest Cities, A Slow Train To Africa and Three Men In A Boat.
It’s about what sort of travel I enjoy, travel in general and how television travel series changed me from being a stay-at-home guy... also how I attracted ladies of a certain age fan club along the way.
What have you found yourself doing for the TV shows?
(LAUGHS) I’ve been pushed into all kinds of things. ‘Can you jump off a bridge? Abseil down a waterfall?’
I do say no sometimes. I say ‘Look, I’m in my sixties. I can’t do everything a 24-year-old can do.’ But there are experiences I have done for television which I never would have had the chance to do otherwise.
What’s the most dangerous thing you’ve done?
IT’S always those things you do not even know are dangerous and it’s only later you think: ‘Why on earth did I do that?’
I went with a TV crew to Badu Island in Australia to meet the high priest of the island at the sacred lake to feed the sacred crocodile. He was throwing bits of meat in, but the crocodile would not come. The guy was then called away and handed me the bag of meat.
The producer said ‘We must get this crocodile’ and I didn’t even think about it. I went right to the edge of the water and started dangling the meat.
Everyone screamed at me afterwards ‘What were you doing that for? It’s crazy.’ But I didn’t realise how dangerous it was at the time.
Any other memorable experiences?
I DO joke about it now – walking through the sewers of Manchester effluence. It was very smelly and I was with a team dealing with the Manchester fatberg.
The producer even said at one point: ‘Can you look a bit more enthusiastic?’ I then fell headfirst into the sewer, into the water. It happens to me a lot, but I’ve never injured myself.
Have there been any close shaves?
I WENT on a trip to the Galapagos one time with a group of friends and when I was there to my astonishment the boat burst into flames and we had to swim for it.
I’ve been pushed into all kinds of things. ‘Can you jump off a bridge? Abseil down a waterfall?’
TV has given Griff the chance to try things he never would have done
I was lying in the water waiting to be rescued, looking back at the boat, and I thought ‘I’m in mortal danger – where is my camera crew? I’m all alone.’ This was all happening and there was not a camera in sight.
So how are your language skills?
(CHUCKLES) Italian is a language that I think I can speak. I make it up with a bit of French and Spanish and I know a few Italian words and I can do all the Italian gestures.
I will blunder in with the two or three words I know and it does get me into trouble. People reply and I have no idea what they are talking about. The price of sheep? I don’t know.
I remember a bicycle holiday with the kids. I went to a bread shop trying to buy bread for a picnic. There was a big line of old ladies all looking like Les Dawson and I pointed at the bread, ‘questo?’, and the woman looked at me and just said ‘No.’
There was nothing I could do to make her sell my any bread. I was miming eating bread, pointing and everything. They eventually sent for a priest and he only was fluent in only two English words – ‘B*gger off.’ (Laughs) I’ve never to this day any idea why I was not allowed to buy bread.
Do you have a jet lag cure?
THERE is no cure. I’ve travelled first class ... once. I went to Australia for an advertising campaign. I was only standing in for Spike Milligan, it was a long time ago, and it was an advert for breakfast cereal.
They booked me into first class and I spent a lot of time looking at the other first class passengers trying to figure out who was paying for their tickets.
I arrived in Australia and they gave me a day off to recover from jet lag, but they shouldn’t have done that. Jet lag does not hit you the first day but the second day. I was falling asleep on my feet the second day. It
was embarrassing.
What do you always pack?
I RUN. I’ve run in Nairobi, across Red Square and various locations in the south of France. You can run around Sydney Opera House as well and under the bridge. Running takes up space with shoes and all that stuff, but I pack my running kit when I can. I regularly leave behind phone chargers, wash bags and articles of clothing.
What do you think your late comedy partner Mel Smith would think about you now touring?
(LAUGHS) Mel would be looking down at me thinking ‘You b**tard.’ We talked about going on the road for years or doing something like The Odd Couple but in the end we just never got around to it.