SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS AT NEW THEATRE, CARDIFF *****

Panto is a crazy business. Men dressed as women, girls dressed as boys and, occasionally, magic beans or even the odd genie.

In Snow White, you get a lonely, lost girl who shacks up with seven short blokes she meets in the woods. Seems legit, right?

But, let’s face it, nobody’s here for the story. We’re all here for the silly laughs, a bit of a sing-song and the sheer ridiculousness of it all, and Cardiff’s 2017 New Theatre panto has plenty of that.

Cardiff’s headline cast pretty much ticks every box. You have an ex-EastEnder, Samantha Womack as the wicked queen, an X Factor contestant (Chico) as the handsome prince, a legendary sports star - Alfie - as the rippling henchman, not one but two cracking comedians – Wales’ own Mike Doyle and Tam Ryan and a charming Snow White, played by Stephanie Webber, who turns out to be from Cardiff. So, who’ll love what? Kids will love the daft jokes. It’s a little bit cheeky – think toilet gags and something involving Tinky Winky and you’ll get the picture. You can thank Mr Doyle, as the magnificent Dame Betty Berry, and Mr Ryan as Muddles the clown, for getting the biggest belly laughs out of writer Alan McHugh’s script. My 10-yearold and seven-year-old pretty much got every gag (even the ones they maybe shouldn’t have…). But there’s nothing smutty that’ll go over the kids’ heads.

The dwarves are a hoot, too. I won’t spoil the surprise but there’s a neat little stage trick going on that’ll make your night. I’ll say no more.

But the big surprise for me was Samantha Womack. Deliciously evil as the Maleficent-style wicked queen, she clearly loves camping it up a bit, doesn’t take herself too seriously and can more than handle a Cardiff audience. She’s even brave enough to have a pop at Alfie, Wales’ newlycrowned panto starlet. Albert Square’s loss is clearly the theatre’s gain.

As for Chico, 12 years on, can it really still be Chico Time? Apparently, it is. That’s panto for you.

Everyone will love the big comedy set pieces. A routine built around DVDs in a shopping trolley shouldn’t be quite as funny as it is. Same for the ‘if I was not upon this stage’ routine at the end. Panto comedy gold.

It looks fabulous, too. Plenty of glitz, a big old supporting company (including the kids from the Lorri Guppy School of Dance) lovely lighting and no scrimping on the back cloths. You’ll really feel you’ve had your money’s worth.

Now for the important stuff. How long is it? Each half comes in at about an hour each, which is spot on, I’d say, for parents and kids, so you can save the loo break for the interval. Any scary bits? Younger ones might require a little reassurance when the talking ‘fairest of them all’ mirror puts in an appearance, but those moments are brief. And any bangs, crashes and flashes? In true panto style, yes, there are, but it’s not over the top.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a funny, colourful, upbeat delight of a show. Give yourself a Christmas treat. Sandra Loy It’s at the New Theatre until January 14 2018 and tickets are availa-