MORNING SERIAL

“YOU can’t come in here!” and I stop. I stop.

And then it all happens quick. Like a flash Cher’s fighting Gwyn’s short legs. Like a tiger she is. And she’s so sudden that she takes him down. Gwyn’s falling hard against the floor of the van. His square body’s heavy when it falls. And it’s then the van suddenly shudders, and, watching, I get a panic feeling all fast like electric going up from my feet and to the start of my hair so it tingles and makes me hot and frozen.

I stand very still but the van isn’t still, not any more. It moves. It moves a bit, and where it is there’s not such a slope and I think maybe I can stop it? And I think maybe the big kids not laughing anymore will stop it? And now it’s down the bank, down, straight through the fence, and down and the wheels rolling. The wheels are rolling and through the back doors I can see Gwyn inside. His face is red, bristly, ugly, scared, and he’s trying to get up against the angle of the floor, and Cher’s inside too. Cher’s inside too. Cher’s screaming now inside the van while it goes. Cher’s screaming. The van’s rolling away and Gwyn’s trying to jump out, and he’s pushing and pushing with his legs out the door and onto the bank, shouting and pushing and falling to the ground. But Cher’s inside. The van’s going away. The van’s going. That’s all. That’s all.

People are shouting all round me, pushing and shoving. I’m pushed about like a crow in the wind. I’m crying, and I’m cross I’m crying, hot drips, like the prissy hogan Pigeon says I am. I’ve seen kids doing this in fairgrounds before, that lost look, turning and turning on the spot. Stupid. And all alone. And now I’m like them: lost. Because I’ve lost Pigeon, lost Cher, and I’m standing in the fairground between the people all alone.

Now I collect worried women around me like flies on a dead body. Fags going droop from their hands, they’re bending down to me, itching me with it’s alrights from lipstick mouths.

And then, there’s Efa! Breathing like she’s been running, covered in scarves and trinkets with threads and bells hanging off her all over, she’s coming towards me.