PARENT COLUMN
INTERESTING research into depression and anxiety in teenagers is being carried out by a University of Missouri psychology professor.
This is a hot topic at the moment and there are multiple opinions on the causes are. There are even more opinions about what can be done about it. In the middle of this are parents who want to do the right thing but are struggling to identify what that is.
In order to interpret the science you have to pick your way through some wonderful vocabulary. For years we have been encouraged to be “emotionally available” and “engaged” with our adolescents.
Parents are actively encouraged to get involved in their teens’ education, social lives and on-line behaviour. Now, it would seem, some of us have been over-doing it.
Using another set of psychology terms, the Missouri professor’s research suggests we have been “co-ruminating” over our teens’ problems to the extent that we may have become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. I can easily see how this could happen and I’m sure I’m guilty of it myself.
How many of us have thrown endless questions at a teen who just wanted to chill and watch TV when they got home from school? Failing to get satisfaction, we endlessly return to the subject like a toddler picking at a scab.
I think we can learn from medicine here. When doctors encounter symptoms that are not immediately dangerous but have the potential to turn into something nasty, they do something called ”‘watchful waiting” or “active surveillance”. This involves checking back at fixed intervals and asking or testing the patient to see how things are going. You also observe from a distance. If at any stage, there is cause for concern intervention can be swiftly arranged.
The research in the article indicated that when parents refocused conversations with teens from being a victim to how they’ll empower themselves, the results were more positive. Perhaps the most significant word in that sentence is “themselves”. We may make it more difficult for teens to move on from an unpleasant event if we keep bringing it up. I can see how this approach would be more useful than those endlessly circular conversations that get us nowhere.
Dr Sharon Parry is a mother of three and a former public health research fellow. She shares useful tips and her experiences of having three daughters in primary school, high school and university in Wales on her website www. aftertheplayground.com