The things I’ve learned on my journey through parenthood

WHEN I first started sharing my parenthood journey in the columns of this paper eight years ago, my kids were six and two.

I lamented about 5.30am starts, about feeling constantly knackered, and laughed at the pearls of wisdom that very frequently came out of their mouths. My kids are now 14 and 10.

I’m still pretty knackered, I still wake up at 5.30am (although that’s down to insomnia, not them) and I still laugh at some of the amazing stuff they manage to talk about.

Parenting is a massively rewarding role to play but, boy, what a challenge it is too.

I thought nothing could be harder than those lonely night-feeds but the whole rollercoaster ride of motherhood means there has been a completely new set of things to learn.

As I sign off for my final column, here’s eight things every parent should know:

1. Kids don’t come with manuals

There may be countless books available on how to bring up kids but nothing teaches you more than the real thing.

And just when you think you might have mastered every parenting skill there is – you can guarantee that they will throw you a massive curveball and you’ll get it all wrong.

Every day is like a school day when it comes to learning about your kids. And parents are allowed to get things wrong sometimes. We’re only human after all.

2. You will feel guilty almost every day

If you work, you’ll feel guilty you’re not at home with the kids. If you’re at home with the kids, you’ll feel guilty that you’re not bringing in wages.

If you let them eat chocolate before lunchtime, you’ll feel guilty that you’re a rubbish mum. If you don’t insist they eat every single piece of broccoli on their plate, you’ll worry they will not be healthy.

If you send them to school with a tummy ache and then get the dreaded phone call from school to say they’ve vomited, you’ll feel guilty.

3. You will become the best multitasker ever

While most men probably think multi-tasking involves being able to read the paper on the toilet, or push the lawn mower around the garden and whistle a tune at the same time, women smash it in this department.

Loading the washing machine while making a dentist appointment and writing the shopping list is just the start of it.

Mums need the ability to time manage, multi-task and plan ahead.

We are masters of logistics and expert at getting things done.

Mums can turn something around in 10 minutes that used to take an hour. You simply don’t have time to hang around. Once one job is done, another is round the corner and you know how to plan ahead with such precision that organisational skills come easy.

4. You will learn the art of the “death stare”

I’m a big softie. I’m hopeless at confrontation, I used to shy away from arguments at school.

And however much I tried to stare someone out who had annoyed me, I was a complete and utter failure.

But something changed that day I gave birth in 2003. Now I can give the children – and anyone else for that matter – one of my “looks” and they know that they’ve pushed me a little bit too far and it’s time to stop.

5. You will turn into your parents

It’s true, there is no getting away from it.

You will do everything to avoid it happening but don’t bother. You will find yourself uttering, “I’m going to turn this car around if you carry on arguing” or “Your face will stay like that if the wind changes” and they will give you the same look you once gave your own parents.

6. You will see your own faults staring you back in the face

It’s not easy to take but when one of your children stomps off in a huff when they are losing an argument there’s probably only two people they have learned that from. But it’s actually quite sobering.

And it might make you think twice about slamming the door next time you are having a “moment”.

7. You will smile more than you’ve ever smiled before

Even on bad days, the smiles will outweigh the sighs. And your kids will say the funniest things. Write them all down and cherish them for ever. Laughing together is medicinal, infectious and good for family life.

8. You will never be the same again

Parenthood changes you. It makes you less selfish, more emotional and fiercely protective.

You will cry at things you’ve never cried at before, laugh louder and never take time, people or health for granted again.

Having children is pretty much like having your heart and soul walking around outside your body.

It is magical, miraculous and marvellous. Enjoy every minute.

They are, and always will be, your finest creation.