Grieving mum’s plan to ease the pain for others
ON Wednesday, April 15, 2015, Rachel Degaetano’s life changed forever. Her 21-year-old son Chae killed himself and was found by a dog walker in an area of woodland within walking distance of the family home on College Road in Barry in the Vale of Glamorgan.
He had been battling mental health demons since he was 13.
Now the Barry mother-of-five wants to set up a suicide support centre in the town to help other young men who may be struggling like her son was – and the families left behind.
“In March and April of 2014 I lost two good male friends to suicide,” she said. “In March 2015, another young lad took his life and my son died in April 2015.
“Since Chae’s death, another seven young local lads have taken their lives – the latest being in January 2018. That, for me, signalled enough. Something has to be done. We need to support our vulnerable, young adults.
“There are not enough resources, they have nowhere to go, they don’t know how to control their feelings, or even what to do with them.
“It’s time that changed. They need to know it’s okay not to be okay.”
She hopes setting up a support centre can help those struggling – especially after she faced her own challenges herself. “At the moment it’s the only thing that I’m keeping going for,” she said.
“I don’t want to see another family going through what I’ve been through.
“There’s no support. You’re grieving and sometimes you’re blaming yourself and then that in turn makes you feel guilty and get to the point where you feel suicidal. So many people left behind after suicide consider it themselves.
“I think it was only because I had support from my partner and friends that I didn’t [take my own life].
“I would text them and say I can’t do it anymore, and they would be here. There needs to be a go-to place.”
Rachel has teamed up with the Jacob Abraham Foundation (JAF), which already has a support centre in Cardiff.
The charity, soon to be renamed Suicide Support Cymru, was established by Jacob’s mother Nicola after the 24-year-old killed himself in October 2015.
Working together, Rachel hopes to replicate JAF’s work to help prevent suicide through direct intervention with vulnerable people, raise awareness of mental health and suicide issues, promote positive mental health, and support people bereaved through suicide in both Barry and the Vale.
Now she needs to raise £85,000 to start up the centre.
Named Gobaith (Barri), the campaign began with a public meeting at Barry Town Football Club a few months ago, with the local community turning up in force to support Rachel’s plans.
“It’s going to help massively,” she said. “JAF have saved 12 lives so far that they know of, and, if we can replicate that, that would be amazing.
“My sister suggested that I go in and meet her, and I thought they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I met Nicola and it was like a meeting of minds. We were so alike and focused on doing something and both agreed there’s not enough being done.
“The next step for us is to register as a charity and just keep fundraising. I’d like to be open by the end of next year.”
Rachel hopes she can use her son’s story for good.
“It’s exhausting,” she said. “When someone close dies you grieve for a while but then your life moves on and you expect it to be the same, but it’s not. It just hurts.” ■ For confidential support, the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.