How to cope with tantrums

■ By Stephen Smyth, 38, from Rhydyfelin, near Pontypridd. He’s the father of Ayda, seven, and George, three, pictured above.

A CHILD having a tantrum can be one of the most stressful things to cope with.

I think the key – and this of course is easier said than done – is to try to remain as calm as possible.

You “losing control” will only escalate things and end up with both you and your child getting more upset.

Now I’ll admit, I do not have the longest of fuses, so at times I find it’s best just to pause. Take a minute or two to collect your thoughts so you can think rationally.

I’ve found if a child starts screaming and shouting, the first instinct sometimes is to scream and shout back. That won’t help anyone. Trust me.

If you can take a deep breath, remain calm and let your child see that you are not backing down and that they aren’t going to get their own way by performing, then eventually they are going to realise it’s not really getting them anywhere.

You have to stand your ground. No has to mean no. If you give in once, then your child will know exactly how to get his/her own way and no doubt the tantrums will become more frequent.

They have to know you mean what you say and no amount of screaming and shouting is going to change that.

You could ignore the tantrum. Don’t rise to it or acknowledge it, and make your child see that you are calm and not going to be moved on the subject.

Having said that, another route, and one I think can help, is to compromise or even distract.

Your child wants sweets for breakfast. Well obviously that’s a no, but sometimes it helps to say “no you can’t have that” and then follow with “but you could have…”.

A child can soon start to think “no” is the only answer you will give. Well, mine do. You can put a more positive spin on things by saying “no, you can’t have sweets now but if you eat all your dinner you can have a yoghurt with some fruit to dip in”.

You’ve compromised and in turn it’s not a big “no”, it’s just another option. They don’t necessarily get their own way but the situation is dealt with in a way in which means they still get a treat, just on your terms and in a way that suits you and works much better.

Every child and every parent is unique. To read more about Stephen and his great tips, and other support for dealing with tantrums and other tricky behaviours, go to http:// giveittime.gov.wales/tricky-moments-andcommon-behaviours

Parenting: Give It Time was developed by the Welsh Government. The website gives parents ideas so they can make decisions about what can work for their child and family.

It aims to help parents to build a positive, healthy relationship with their children.