THEY SAID WHAT?

“Working at the JobCentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day”

– Comedian Adam Rowe’s joke, funniest of the Edinburgh Fringe.

“I fell off the back of the Norwegian Star and I was in the water for 10 hours, so these wonderful guys rescued me. I am very lucky to be alive”

– Briton Kay Longstaff, who was rescued by Croatian coastguards

“I am not an elite. My ambitions have changed. I know I am not going to Hollywood, and I don’t mind any more. I think there is hope in just getting on and doing stuff, just getting on and doing”

– Comedian Helen Lederer. “I can’t even clap in time”

– Katie Piper, above, a Strictly Come Dancing contestant, underlines her lack of rhythm.

“I was a bit unfair to Elton John, on a drunk night on television in New York, when I spitefully said ‘I think it’s bang out of order that you announce a farewell tour every time, and it stinks of grabbing money’. I wish I hadn’t said it”

– Sir Rod Stewart

“There are some. I hardly know their names. You go in and you work with your family, my wonderful, dysfunctional family ... You do your scenes and you go home. Some of the others, you might meet them in the green room for a cup of tea but you might not see them for weeks”

– Coronation Street veteran Bill Roache on the increasing cast in

the soap.

“The sadness of Billy Connolly now is that his wonderful brain is dulled”

– Broadcaster Sir Michael Parkinson on the ailing Scottish comedian.

“I’m an actor, therefore a chronic narcissist. I’m excellent at talking about myself ”

– ex-Royle Family actor Ralf Little.