‘Many live in fear and shame of having HIV, but I refuse to be one of them’
Outpouring of support as Wales rugby legend Gareth Thomas opens up on his diagnosis
FORMER Wales rugby captain Gareth Thomas has received an emotional outpouring of support from around the world after revealing he is HIV positive.
Thomas, who came out as gay in 2009, is thought to be the first UK sportsman to go public about living with the virus. Yesterday he told of how he was driven to suicidal thoughts as a result of his diagnosis.
Thomas has told of how he kept the diagnosis a secret for years since it was revealed to him during a routine health check. He had no idea the diagnosis was coming and described it as “being hit by a 300-mile-an-hour train without expecting it”.
Following his comments, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn called him a “role model” and referee Nigel Owens said Thomas was “brave”.
Thomas’ decision to speak out also won the backing of the Duke of Cambridge, who is the patron of the Welsh Rugby Union.
Through his Kensington Palace account, adding “W” meaning it was written by William himself, he retweeted Thomas’ video, and added the message: “Courageous as ever – legend on the pitch and legend off it. You have our support Gareth. W”
Wales coach Warren Gatland was asked about the Thomas news at the team’s World Cup training camp in Kitakyushu, Japan.
“It’s always sad when an ex-professional sportsman picks up an illness of any kind,” he said. “Our thoughts go out to him and we hope things are as good as they possibly can be.
“As the players become aware of the news, I’m sure they’ll talk about it.”
The Terrence Higgins Trust said Thomas’ story will “transform attitudes towards HIV that are stuck in the 1980s”.
The HIV charity said: “Gareth is proof that an HIV diagnosis shouldn’t stop you from doing anything you want to do.”
“Gareth blazed a trail by being the first rugby player to come out as gay and has done so much to encourage inclusion and diversity within the sport. Now he is doing that once again with HIV, showing that this virus doesn’t need to be a barrier when you’re diagnosed and accessing treatment.”
Mr Corbyn said: “Gareth Thomas has again shown enormous strength in declaring himself HIV positive. A role model challenging stigma and prejudice.”
And Mr Owens said: “Stay strong my friend and as always well done for being so brave and speak about these important issues that affect so many and will help even more.”
Crowds cheered their support for the former British and Irish Lions captain yesterday as he took part in the gruelling Ironman Wales event, in Tenby, just hours after revealing to the world his diagnosis.
There were shouts of “Come on Alfie” and “Go Gareth” as he finished the two-mile swim section of the course in under an hour and a half, before getting on the bike for the 112mile cycle, which he completed in just over three hours and 10 minutes, before going on to tackle a marathon – 26.2 miles – in Tenby town centre.
During the event he went over to see family members – which included his mum and dad, who had all come to support him and wore matching T-shirts – and broke down in tears as he hugged his husband, before resuming his race.
In an interview published in yesterday’s Sunday Mirror, Thomas – affectionately known as “Alfie” – opened up on his diagnosis and said his thoughts immediately turned to death, darkness and how he would be able to carry on living. He lived in fear of not being in control of his own life and of people who knew revealing “the secret that you’re holding”.
He said that led him to think of taking his own life.
In the candid and emotional interview he described how he sobbed in the arms of a doctor, feared he would die and felt like ending it all by driving over a cliff.
The 45-year-old said he was breaking his silence because he wants to end stigma around HIV.
He also revealed he and husband Stephen – who he met after being diagnosed – married three years ago. Stephen does not have HIV.
Gareth, who won 100 caps for Wales, says of his diagnosis: “I’ve been living with this secret for years. I’ve felt shame and keeping such a big secret has taken its toll.
“I had a fear people would judge me and treat me like a leper because of a lack of knowledge. I was in a dark place, feeling suicidal. I thought about driving off a cliff.
“To me, wanting to die was just a natural thought and felt like the easier way out, but you have to confront things. And having a strong support system and the personal strength and experience of overcoming those emotions got me through it.
“Many people live in fear and shame of having HIV, but I refuse to be one of them now. We need to break the stigma once and for all.
“I’m speaking out because I want to help others and make a difference.”
Gareth was speaking ahead of the Rugby World Cup starting – when he will be a pundit for ITV.
While reluctant to reveal the date of his diagnosis, Gareth spelled out the profound moment he was given the news by medics.
The former British Lions captain, who retired from rugby in 2011, said: “I’ll never ever forget the moment I found out. I went for a routine sexual health test at a private clinic in Cardiff.
“I’d had the tests every now and again and they’d always come back OK. I didn’t feel ill and I thought everything was going to be fine.
“The woman who did the test took blood as usual, then I went out to my car and waited for about an hour before going back in to get my results.”
He added: “When I went back in, I sat down on a chair next to a doctor’s bench. She told me in a quite matter of fact way I had tested HIV positive.
“When she said those words I broke down. I was in such a state. I immediately thought I was going to die. I felt like an express train was hitting me at 300mph. I wasn’t expecting it at all. Then I was thinking ‘how long have I got left?’ I was distraught.”
Gareth, who is 6ft 3in and 16st, found himself sobbing on the doctor’s shoulder while struggling to understand the enormity of the news and what the future held.
He added: “She treated me with such empathy and understanding and after about 20 minutes I got myself together. I remember she told me, ‘You need to go to the hospital right now and start the process straight away, because the doctors will be able to help you better understand your diagnosis. Don’t wait for tomorrow’.
“I drove straight to Cardiff Royal Infirmary, but I was still in such a traumatised state. In tears, I rang a good friend on the way and blurted it out. I told him, ‘I’ve got HIV – I’m going to die’. He was trying to comfort and reassure me and telling me to go and speak to the doctors, but I’d already made my mind up that my life was over.
“I’d never known anyone with HIV or AIDS. And everything I’d heard about HIV was death and frailness. Like most people I lived with the belief that HIV is terminal. I tried to keep going as normal in the days afterwards, but felt completely numb.”
Gareth had to reveal his diagnosis to a string of former sexual partners so they could be tested. He says: “I had to tell people I’d had sex with since my last test that I was HIV positive.
“Your history suddenly becomes very relevant and you have a duty of care to tell them. I did it over the phone. That was hard.”
Gareth married his teenage sweetheart Jemma in 2002. They split up after he told her he was gay – and he went public about his sexuality 10 years ago. He was the first British rugby international to “come out”.
There are an estimated 101,600 people in the UK with HIV – Human Immunodeficiency Virus – but many consider it too taboo to reveal it.
However, Gareth said he believed he could now “make a difference” by opening up on his diagnosis.
Gareth admitted he once believed the myths surrounding transmission of HIV. He adds: “I thought that if people knew about me being HIV positive they wouldn’t want to breathe the same air as me, they wouldn’t want to drink from the same cup as me and if I walked into a coffee shop everyone would just walk out because they’d be so scared of being infected by me.
“I think if you went out on the street right now and told 10 people you have HIV, 50% of them would be scared you’re going to give it to them.
“I don’t blame people for thinking it, because I did too, but we need to change that by talking about it and educating people.”
HIV targets and alters the immune system, increasing the risk and impact of other infections and diseases.
Without treatment, the lifelong infection – which is spread through sexual contact and blood – can progress to AIDS. No cure is currently available for HIV or AIDS.
But modern advances mean HIV patients in countries with good access to healthcare very rarely develop AIDS once they get treatment.
Life expectancy of people with the virus is approaching that of a person who tests negative, as long as they adhere to a combination of ongoing medications called anti-retroviral therapy.
Gareth takes one tablet containing four medications each day.
His condition is now under control to the point it is considered “undetectable”, and can’t be passed on.
He receives regular counselling and has blood tests at Cardiff Royal Infirmary every six months.
But Gareth has never used the main entrance, saying: “I’ve always gone through a side door before opening hours because I thought if people spotted me they’d put two and two together and work out my secret.
“It has all been shrouded in a sense of shame and from me entering the clinic to leaving always feels like a blur. I still don’t feel I could walk in through the main entrance even now, although maybe that’ll change.
“HIV is a scary subject. There’s a lot of fear and ignorance. But the fear is something people learned in the 1980s from the tombstone adverts on TV. In 2019 there is nothing to be afraid of.
“People need to know that due to modern medicine HIV is not lifethreatening any more and because of the medication I take, there’s no way it can be passed on. It’s very controllable. In terms of effect on the body, diabetes is considered worse to have than HIV by doctors. I’m not dying.”
Speaking ahead of yesterday’s challenging Ironman Wales, he said: “I’m fitter now than when I played rugby and I didn’t have HIV then. I’m not just all right, I’m better than all right.”
Gareth, from Bridgend, made global headlines when he came out as gay while still playing rugby union.
A career in TV followed – he was on Celebrity Big Brother, Dancing on Ice and appeared on Oprah and the Ellen DeGeneres chat show.
Last year, he and MP Damian Collins launched a draft amendment to the 1991 Football Offences Act that would outlaw homophobic abuse at matches. In November 2018 Gareth was attacked by a 16-year-old in Cardiff over his sexuality.
Officers dealt with the youth offender by restorative justice following a request by Gareth – who believed it was the best way for the teenager to learn.
Praising the work of HIV and AIDS charity The Terrence Higgins Trust, he said: “Through the Trust I’ve met other people with HIV and that has been powerful. It made me realise how much good I can do and the part I have to play in making a difference.
“I hope me speaking out about my diagnosis will help a lot of people.”
GARETH Thomas has described being threatened by blackmailers as he tried to keep his HIV diagnosis from family and friends.
The former Welsh international says it forced him to break the news about his illness to his mum and dad – which he described as the hardest thing he says he has ever had to do.
He said the threats put him in “the darkest place ever”.
But he also revealed a joyful secret – that he is now happily married to husband Stephen.
And as support poured in from across the sporting world and beyond for “Alfie” yesterday, one of his former Cardiff RFC teammates said the brave 45-year-old would cope with whatever happened as a result of going public – because he has “the mindset of a champion”.
Meanwhile Gareth, opening up on the threats he was subjected to, said: “I’ve been threatened by people who said they would give away my secret. It’s sick and I’ve been through hell.
“I was being blackmailed and in my mind I thought you only get blackmailed for something really bad, which compounded the feeling of shame.
“When someone else knows a secret as big as that they can determine your happiness or sadness every morning and use it as a weapon against you and your family.
“It put me in the darkest place ever. I felt I was losing control of my own life.”
Gareth initially hid the devastating diagnosis from his loving parents Yvonne, 70, and Barry, 69, for years.
But he finally decided to tell them and his two older brothers, Steven and Richard, after fearing his secret was about to be exposed.
“When I was diagnosed I decided
straight away not to tell my family. I wanted to protect them and I didn’t want to put them through the pain,” he says.
“But then I realised that I had to be truthful with my family and my friends – and slowly, as I began to tell them, it empowered me.
“Telling my parents was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have – because I’d do anything not to hurt them.”
Yvonne, a retired hospital secretary, and Barry, a former postman, initially struggled to understand Gareth’s diagnosis and were left fearing the worst after living through the 1980s AIDS crisis.
Gareth says: “I could see that they were frightened for me when I first told them.
“But I explained everything to them and told them I’m not dying, why I’m not dying and that – because of the medication I’m on – the virus isn’t transmittable to anyone else.
“They said, ‘You’re our son and if you tell us you’re not ill and your life’s not in danger, that’s good enough for us and we will support you’.
“My parents and loved ones are fine with it. I was worried about how it would affect them, but I think sometimes I underestimate people. They’re amazing.”
Gareth says his husband Stephen, kept secret until now, does not have HIV.
They live together with Stephen’s 23-year-old daughter Anna near Bridgend.
The pair, who met while both helping to school troubled kids, got married nearly three years ago in front of about 70 close friends and family, including Gareth’s close pal “H” from pop band Steps.
Gareth – who was invited to Prince William and Kate’s wedding – says: “Me and Stephen have been together four and a half years and I told him about my diagnosis early on in our relationship.
“Stephen is from the valley and isn’t used to media attention or the idea of giving interviews, but he loves me and supports me 100% in what I’m doing.
“I was afraid of telling him, but I remember thinking, ‘If you are who I think you are, this won’t be an issue’.
“And if it had been an issue, then it wouldn’t have been the right match anyway.
“Stephen had a lack of knowledge about HIV at that time, which was good because it meant he didn’t have the stigma towards it many people have – and nothing daunts him.
“There are so many false misconceptions, outdated opinions and inaccurate information on the internet about HIV.
“Doctors always say ‘do not Google what will happen if I have HIV?’ The medication I’m on now makes the virus untransmittable.
“There’s no possibility of it being passed on at all from anything – blood, saliva or sex. People will say, ‘You’ve got HIV because of your lifestyle’. But they’ll also have diabetes or high blood pressure because of their lifestyle.
“I’ve learned to cope with my diagnosis and I always say now, ‘I’m living with HIV’. I know I have HIV, but HIV doesn’t have me. It doesn’t control me. I live with it. It’s easier for me to say it in that terminology because it makes it easier for me to accept.
“It makes such a difference. In our day-to-day lives me and Stephen never mention HIV now because there’s no need to. It’s under control and Stephen and Anna both know what they need to know.”
Gareth made headlines around the world when he came out while still a professional rugby union star in December 2009.
In 2010 he was voted one of the 101 most influential gay people in the UK and received Stonewall’s Hero of the Year award.
He has since advised a range of sportsmen, from diver Tom Daley to cricketer Steven Davies, on what to expect when they share the secret of their sexuality.
And he now hopes that by revealing he is HIV positive he can again inspire others.
Gareth adds: “I’ll never be proud of being HIV positive, but I accept it and I’m okay about it now.
“I couldn’t have even imagined doing this six months ago, but I’m ready now.
“I hope by telling my story I can help other people. That’s what I want to achieve.”
As public figures from all walks of life heaped praise on Thomas’s stance yesterday, Leigh Davies – who was best mates and midfield partner with Alfie at Cardiff RFC – said he was in no doubt that Gareth will cope after revealing publicly he is HIV positive.
“He will handle it because he has the mindset of a champion,” said Davies, who won 21 caps next to Alfie in the Wales backline between 1996 and 2003.
“The diagnosis seems to have been with him for a while, and he seems to be doing fine. Whatever the doctors tell him to do, he’ll do it, whether that involves taking medication, eating differently, exercising or all of those things.
“It would have been a terrible shock when he learned of it.
“But he’s been through a lot and this is one more challenge that he’ll deal with.
“He’s a champion person and he’ll fight it like a champion.”
Davies has no doubt the public, especially in Wales, will be there to back Thomas.
“Of course people will support him,” he said.
“No one has any hang-ups with Alfie. “He was the first rugby union player to come out as gay and he’s the first UK sportsman to go public about coping with this virus.
“I can understand him not wanting other people spreading rumours.
“The way to deal with a situation like that is to take back control, and that’s what he’s done.
“You have to take your hat off to him for leading by example in telling the world about this. It must have been tough.”
Davies continued: “The very mention of ‘HIV’ scares a lot of people.
“But it’s a situation many people deal with nowadays and maybe Alfie going public will do wonders in terms of education.
“It is sad that he felt he had to hide the diagnosis. I can’t speak for him, but it probably put him back into those dark days when he was hiding his sexuality from the world.
“But there are great treatment options out there for HIV.
“It isn’t what it was 20 years ago, because there are things you can take to manage it today.”
Davies and Thomas became close pals during their time together at the Arms Park in the second half of the 1990s. They had a reputation as party animals, playing hard on and off the pitch, with Thomas chronicling their exploits in his first book, Alfie!
“I loved that time,” wrote Thomas. “Leigh became such an outstanding mate, and we had some brilliant evenings.”
Sometimes their socialising would go on, and on, spanning more than 13 hours around Bridgend, according to Thomas.
Other Cardiff team-mates might join in closer to home.
“We had great fun,” laughed Davies. “Martyn Williams and Dan Baugh would come out with us sometimes, too.
“We had fun on the field and off it. The game hadn’t long left the amateur era and players were still adapting to the new ways.
“Pretty much everyone liked Alfie, but I remember in one game, before he had come out as gay, someone was heckling him from the sidelines, calling him all sorts of names.
“Before anyone knew what was happening, Alfie was in the crowd taking this guy to task. We were playing the match and I was worried where the ball was, while my midfield partner was in the crowd squaring up to someone.
“I don’t know if anyone in the media reported the incident. But it carried on into the town in the night.”
Davies and Thomas are not in regular contact any more but Davies still has a lot of time for his old buddy.
“People just take different roads and we’ve lost touch a bit, but are still good mates,” said Davies.
“You see all these boxers and people from other sports and some of them are really famous, but what Alfie has is a quality possessed by few.
“He’s a people’s person, a people’s champion.
“You have all these sports people wanting to be loved, but most of them don’t have personalities and can’t relate to people.
“Alfie is about people first, second and third.”
And those heady days in blue and black still bring back fond memories for Davies.
He said: “We were unplayable as a team in one particular season.
“We had an outstanding team. Behind the scrum, for instance, there were the likes of Rob Howley, Neil Jenkins, me and Alfie, Nick Walne, Liam Botham, Mike Rayer, Craig Morgan, Rhys Williams and Justin Thomas.
“We just clicked in the centre. “When you are mates with someone you just understand what he’s doing. Alfie was a really good player, with his strength and angles of running. It was a pleasure to play alongside him, while off the field he was a top man.”
Thomas recently spoke of how the reaction in Wales to his coming out as gay was a source of huge support.
“Welsh rugby was amazing with me,” he said.
“But more than that, Wales was brilliant. “This is why my proudest moment was being born Welsh.
“It was the Welsh public who made the difference between me being successful and not being successful.
“They helped me be true to myself.” In revealing to the world his HIV diagnosis, Alfie has been true to himself once more.
It’s the way he always prefers to be.
AS ONE of Wales’ most celebrated sporting heroes Gareth “Alfie” Thomas is an inspiration both on and off the pitch.
A glittering rugby career saw him rack up record appearances and try-scoring tallies for Wales, yet his work and campaigning on LGBT+ issues have seen him win plaudits among fans old and new alike.
Now, a decade on from coming out as a homesexual, Thomas has revealed he is HIV positive.
In a clearly emotional video he talks about the diagnosis and how it has affected him – but, crucially, as he has done so many times in the past, he also talks about breaking stigma.
His voice has already given support and courage to others and if there is any silver lining to be had from telling the world about his diagnosis it is this: once again he can help shatter any remaining
stigma and taboo surrounding HIV.
Clearly we have moved on from the prejudiced days of the 1980s, when fear-mongering and myths about the spread of the virus were rife – but there’s still an awful lot of work to be done.
It needs to be talked about and understood and, as Thomas says, the public information campaigns of the ‘80s left a legacy of misunderstanding about HIV that remains to this day.
He now takes one tablet containing four medications a day and his condition is “undetectable” – meaning it cannot be passed on.
At the heart of what Alfie has done by speaking out with such dignity and courage about being HIV positive is his determination to fight and be a voice for those living with the condition.
He is owed a debt of gratitude and respect for that and should be applauded for it.
He has already done so much to tackle stigma after coming out as gay, helping so many people as a result of his high profile in the sporting world.
It is clear from his attitude and resolve that he’s about to do it all over again and he will no doubt raise the agenda about breaking down misconceptions and educating the public on understanding HIV.
Anyone living with the condition can read this and be safe in the knowledge that Alfie will tackle the issue with the interests of fellow HIV patients at heart; he will speak for them and will do it all with his head held high.
He has been a role model both in the sporting world and for the LGBT+ community, and on today’s evidence there’s little doubt that this will long continue to be the case.