‘Mam pays for the newspaper by sticking a shoehorn through the letterbox’
Joshua Knapman and Marcus Hughes discovered the thoughts of those people living in and around Newport
THESE are dark times but – as the corned-beef-obsessed Frances and Bill of Merthyr Tydfil have proved – seeing the lighter side occasionally is helping us all.
The hilarious self-isolating pensioners won the Welsh internet and made the “And Finally” news slots after their daughter, Melanie – an NHS clerical worker – posted a twominute clip of her grocery drop-off.
In a scene that will resonate with everyone trying to keep their captive elderly relatives safe and stocked up, Melanie engages with her folks through the letterbox.
“I got you evaporated milk but I couldn’t get any corned beef,” she yells as her Mam pays for the newspaper Melanie has also brought by sticking a shoehorn through the letterbox with a pound coin on it.
“Put the milk on top of the bin and step away!” Frances bellows back, as if she is a gun-wielding detective negotiating a ransom drop-off with a kidnapper.
Melanie backs off and takes the full force of Frances’ stir-craziness.
“I’ve been out the back talking to the cowing birds!” fumes the 74-year-old.
“Why don’t you talk to Dad?” asks Melanie.
“Oh, I can’t talk to him all day, he’s driving me nuts!” she replies.
Dad, meanwhile, is only visible via a cheery thumbs-up through the blinds at the window.
And just when we think Melanie’s daily parental check-in must be appreciated, there’s another fabulous tirade from Frances: “And, by the way, where’s my money back from the paper? Five pounds you’ve had off me this week and I’ve not seen a penny in change!”
Shot through with classic Valleys humour, it was a comic scene worthy of a Bafta Cymru. But, of course, Frances and Bill – a former nurse and ex-factory manager who’ve been married for 56 years – were for real. And for a fun-starved nation their performance was a two-minute treat to savour.
Melanie explained the background to giving her folks a bit of fame.
“I only put the videos online to cheer people up, because there’s so much depression about at the minute. Mam and Dad have both got underlying health problems so they’ve been self-isolating... and it’s driving them mental.”
Highlighting the act of checking in also served a bigger purpose, as Melanie added: “It’s a scary time for everyone, especially the elderly, so it’s important to make sure everyone remembers to call in on family, friends and neighbours who might be getting on a bit and can’t get about during this crisis.”
Since the lockdown was ratcheted up – and not before time after so many idiots treated last weekend like a bank holiday with bells on – very few should be getting about. We’re all adjusting to the New Normal. So, what has changed for us in quarantined Wales?
Well, for a start there’s having a night out while staying in. A fortnight ago I didn’t know what Zoom was. Now I’m thinking, “Should I put some mascara on for my 8.00pm with the girls?”
If you still don’t know what Zoom is, it’s a video conferencing platform that was once the preserve of corporate types but is now a way of necking wine with your mates who visit you virtually in grid formation on your laptop or mobile.
Other platforms are available. Skype, Google Hangouts, FaceTime... but my colleague Chris – who is to technology what Herod was to babysitting – suggested we had a work meeting via HouseParty this week. Using the teens’ favourite app, however, left us grappling with programme budget conversations while animated dice invited us to play HouseParty’s complete repertoire of integrated games.
So much communication via video is also giving an unexpected portal into the interior design choices of everyone from your boss to Robert Peston.
Some people have totally nailed the art of Skype style and rooms on Zoom. Those in the know face the window for flattering light, place the laptop on a box to avoid the cameraup-the-nostrils view and ensure a backdrop of intelligent bookshelves. Those who haven’t cracked it inflict their triple chins and a glimpse of knickers drying on the radiator.
On the subject of underwear, in a woeful attempt to exploit the commercial potential of a pandemic, Ann Summers posted a picture of a pouting model in the most uncomfortable-looking scanties, suspenders and stockings imaginable with the tagline: “Who else has spent the whole day in lingerie?”
If the anecdotal statistics of my WhatsApp groups are anything to go by, 80% of the female population are currently spending the whole day in a state of semi-undress. But none of them is trussed up like a Fifty Shades of Grey character. In fact, the no-bra plus comfy pants combo is one of the unexpected joys of social isolation.
The Ann Summers commercial isn’t alone in its inappropriateness. Another aspect of the New Normal, is that every single advert on television seems to belong to a parallel universe – a fantastical realm where pan-generational people still hug, shop in actual clothes shops and are planning sumptuous meals for the Easter weekend family get-together.
Back in the real world, we’re waving sadly at our parents and grandparents through windows, scrolling through out-of-stock websites and
playing Use-By Date Roulette with the ever-diminishing contents of our fridges.
And does Andrex even need to advertise? I covet bog roll in the same way as I used to dream about owning more than one Jo Malone candle. Dare I mention Toilet Paper Strategy? Too much information, perhaps... but anyone else thinking: “Do I really need that last wipe?” every time they’re on the loo?
At least that bathroom is probably sparkling as domestic chores have taken on a new glamour with a country in lockdown. Not for me, though, disappointingly. I always thought the reason I couldn’t keep on top of housework was lack of time, but I’m ashamed to discover that’s not necessarily the case.
There is also an irritating pressure to use this period of captivity for personal growth and self-improvement, rather than lie on the settee and watch 10 seasons of Spooks. Don’t succumb. It’s a stressful enough time without thinking we should emerge God knows when with a six-pack honed by Joe Wicks and fluent in conversational Russian. I could be imprisoned for the rest of my life and still not get through Middlemarch.
Anyway, I’m technically Working From Home on the usual day job. We managed to record the next episode of The Review Show for BBC Radio Wales with myself, presenter Gary Raymond, guest critics Charles Williams and Emily Garside, and soundman Terry Lewis all hooking up from our respective homes this week. (Have a listen next Friday at 6.30pm and on BBC Sounds as we highlight great Welsh content that can be enjoyed in the lockdown – from Georgia Ruth’s beautiful new album, Mai, to BBC Wales’ cracking new youth comedy drama, In My Skin.)
I actually shed a few tears when we were done because I was just choked by the effort all the team had put in to make it work. There was also comfort to be derived from doing what we normally do in these abnormal times.
It may also feel abnormal to find laughter in the dark at the moment, but as Merthyr Melanie and her fabulous parents Frances and Bill showed us, it’s also pretty essential. However anxious we feel, let’s hope we can still find reasons to smile.
ALMOST half of the confirmed coronavirus cases in Wales have been found in one health board area.
As of 2pm on Thursday, March 26, the Aneurin Bevan University Health Board, which consists of Newport and neighbouring Torfaen, Monmouthshire, Blaenau Gwent and Caerphilly, had recorded 358 of the 736 confirmed cases in Wales.
There have been at least five deaths in the Royal Gwent and Nevill Hall Hospitals so far.
On Thursday, Chief Medical Officer Dr Frank Atherton gave a reason for the surge in cases in this particular part of Wales.
He said the area is closer to England – and to the UK “hotspot” around London – so being on the border with England is an issue.
There has been a lot more testing in the ABUHB area, so “as a natural consequence there has been more cases identified”.
He stressed that as the epidemic unfolds in Wales, there will be areas which “flare up” with cases and then “calm down a bit” adding that it was a complex issue.
But while theories are being drawn up as to why the area has been hit so badly, and the Government restricts people’s movements, the people in and around Newport explain what it’s like to actually live at the epicentre of Wales’ coronavirus outbreak.
Martyn Butler, 65, lives alone in a flat in Newport city centre and has spent several weeks keeping his distance from others. Martyn recently had an operation as part of his cancer treatment and suffers from sciatica.
He said he has been taking precautions to limit his social contact and advising others since he began to hear news about the virus.
“I think we made a huge mistake right at the beginning of this,” he said.
“We were hearing things that seemed to be certain when it was far too early.
“We are making assumptions that we know what this is and how dangerous it is, but we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
“We have absolutely no idea how much of this virus is in the community already.”
Martyn is one of the founding members of the HIV and sexual health charity The Terrence Higgins Trust.
He said the current coronavirus outbreak reminds him of some of the earliest days of the HIV epidemic.
“I do remember feeling incredibly down in 1982 at this conference when we were trying to develop strategies for things like safer sex, and those sorts of things for the gay community,” he said.
“Some people thought I was trying to tell them how to live their lifestyles.
“I remember someone coming up and telling me they won’t start paying attention to you until their brothers, sisters or friends start dying or going down around them.”
He added: “We will get through this. We have learned a vast amount in the last 30 years about viruses and how to combat their worst effects.
“But just like HIV, you don’t want to be in the first wave.
“Buy yourselves time, effective therapies will emerge, a vaccine eventually and life as we know it will return to a new normal.”
Andrew Stone is a retired NHS worker who lives in Newport.
Both he and his wife have signed up to come out of retirement and help the overwhelmed service.
“We’re both experienced nurses; both retired about two years ago.”
The 57-year-old said: “I’ve noticed there have been gangs of kids walking around. I had a confrontation with a group of four girls – teenagers.
“They were all just almost holding hands. Walking arm in arm.
“I said, ‘What about the 6ft rule?’ – they just giggled at me and walked off.
“They were old enough to understand.”
He said he “completely” believes that some people aren’t taking the situation seriously.
“I suppose I’m as anxious as anybody really.
“I’m anxious that these kids are going to continue spreading it, after all that goes on the news and everything that’s on Facebook, why are they not getting the message?”
He added that some of the older people were slowly coming round to the idea of social distancing.
“I think the older people are getting it now. I think it’s mostly younger people, the teenagers [that aren’t].”
Andrew mentioned that the director of public health at Aneurin Bevan University Health Board, Dr Sara Aitken, said the health service in Gwent could be “overwhelmed” if Government advice is not adhered to.
He said: “That’s scaring a lot of people. But it’s not scaring the young people.
“And obviously, we know, there are younger people who’ve been getting it really bad.”
Talking about going back to work with the NHS, Andrew, who spent 15 years in ITU and 15 years in operating theatres,
said: “I can’t wait to get stuck in.
“I haven’t missed it at all, but I’m more than happy to go back.”
Izzy Cole had to leave her first year at the University of Nottingham early after coronavirus forced teaching to be suspended.
The 19-year-old is now staying at home with her family in the Gaer.
“I was heartbroken having to end first year so quickly,” she said.
“I was so excited to come to uni so when I met all my friends it was really sad to leave so soon.
“And teaching has been a bit of a nightmare too. It’s moved online mostly but no one has a clue what’s really going on with exams and coursework.
“I’m readjusting to being with my family again so I think in a week or so I’ll feel less stressed about everything.”
Izzy said she has been shocked by the number of people who appear to be ignoring Government advice to stay indoors.
“It’s been so upsetting to read news about people taking their children to parks etc,” she said.
“I can’t believe adults want to risk doing it. I don’t understand why we can’t grasp how serious it is.
“It doesn’t matter if you may survive it, but the people you pass it on to might not.”
Izzy said she agreed some groups of younger people had been flouting advice to stay inside, but she said other age groups have also been responsible.
“I think it’s definitely fair to say that younger people aren’t taking it as seriously as they should be,” she said.
“However, I’ve seen and heard multiple interviews with older people, usually around 60 to 80, where they’re talking about going outside to shops and various other places, not really caring if they get it or not.
“Even my own grandparents still go to the shop for their newspaper or milk, when my parents and I have offered multiple times to get shopping for them,” she added.
Linda Nelson works at JJ’s Convenience Store on Caerleon Road.
Today is one of her last days in work, before taking a two-week break, after her family had repeatedly told her to not to go in.
The 66-year-old, from Alway, who was wearing rubber gloves and a protective face mask, believes a lot of people aren’t listening to the advice.
She said: “You’ve still got the youngsters gathering, the police are watching now, but it may be a bit too late.
“Our customers are fabulous here though.
“Most of them are obeying, staying away; we might have two or three in here but one might be over here and another over there,” she said, gesturing to either side of the shop.
“They are keeping their distance themselves.”
She believes people were a bit slow on the uptake with social distancing. “It is happening now,” she added.
“I’m working tomorrow, then taking some time off, because of pressure from my girls.
“I do have underlying heart problems and diabetes so for safety reasons, I’m going to take two weeks off.
“It’s going to kill me, because I love my job, I’ve got the best boss.”
Linda said panic buying hasn’t been an issue in their shop, hinting that it seemed to be more of a problem with supermarkets.
However, she added: “The other morning there was a bloke, buying tins; beans, peas. He went up to £50. So we said ‘woah.’”
“The only thing we limit is paracetamol and toilet paper when we’ve got it.
“But there is a limit, isn’t there?” she laughs.
She said that people seem to be coping with the situation, but is expecting a lot more to come.
Linda added: “People seem fine, with their attitudes.
“Some are very extreme, you know, and there are more getting worried.
“It [stricter measures] should have happened earlier – all of it.
“I’m gobsmacked by all of it, it’s unbelievable.
“I don’t know what to think about it all – but the reality is starting to set in.
“And I think it’s going to get a damn sight worse from now on. We haven’t peaked yet, and if people think this will go away in a month or two, they can forget it.”
Daniel Hicks is a 25-year-old pharmacist at Martin Davies Chemists in Newport.
He lives in the city and, working in a such an in-demand industry, he’s seen people’s attitudes towards coronavirus change in short period of time.
He said: “At the start of last week, there wasn’t a lot of difference in how people were acting.
“We were still having people come into the shop as normal.
“But then as that progressed into the end of last week and into this week now, we’re noticing people are aware of social distancing and they’re trying to keep two metres apart.
“They have to wait outside, and they’re generally OK with that, because they understand what’s going on.
“It’s been a bit strange to get used to.
“As a pharmacist, you deal with loads of different queries, you’re with patients, in consultation rooms, just trying to help them.
“It is a little bit different – consultation rooms are out of use, we don’t want to get too close to patients – we’re trying to keep two metres apart, we’re trying to do consultations over the phones as much as we can.
“We’re quite busy here usually, and last week was a little bit mental with the amount of people coming in, but this week has been quieter.”
Daniel explained that it seems that people are starting to change their attitudes with regards to social distancing. He said there are fewer people around now, and that they’ve changed the way they work at the pharmacy too.
“Regarding our job, things didn’t change too much, but you have to think about how much service you can actually give, considering the social distancing aspect.”
He added: “There are less people on the streets. People are more aware of it.
“It’s quite mixed. You speak to some people and they really are trying with social distancing and avoiding elderly relatives.
“But you get a lot of people who don’t seem truly aware of what’s going on at the moment and what’s happening in other countries.”