‘IT IS ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK’
Closed coffins, no family, fears over infection, no PPE and why funerals will ‘never be the same’– heartbroken funeral directors speak to Ffion Lewis
FOR more than 40 years, funeral director Gareth Jenkins has supported families on their tortuous journeys to say final goodbyes to loved ones.
As an undertaker, he has reassured his customers with a friendly smile, comforted with a reassuring handshake, offered warmth with a solemn hand on the shoulder or knowing nod of the head.
But for the past six weeks the 61-year-old has been travelling with just one passenger.
The personal touches, so important for those grieving, have gone.
Strict Government guidance has turned celebrations of life into formalities.
Often attended by only a few. Unable to embrace or offer comfort to each other. Keeping distance at two metres.
“It’s a very sad picture. What is so alien to me is the distance, the lack of contact,” said Gareth.
“Now, when I get in the funeral car I can’t help but feel like I’ve forgotten something.
“Usually you’d have the family there with you but it’s just me now.
“We try and get to know the family as much as possible before the service, so we’d usually go to their home or they would come to us.
“I’m doing funerals where I’ve had no contact visually with the family, that is really hard.”
Last month, the Welsh Government issued guidelines on who should attend funerals.
The exact number varies, depending on the size of the building. Numbers must be kept to a minimum, though, with the two-metre social distancing rule applied.
Those who can attend must sit apart unless they live in the same house.
For families, these cold but necessary measures are devastating.
“It’s absolutely heartbreaking at the moment,” said Gareth.
“For a lot of people, they haven’t been able to see their relatives for weeks before they pass away.
“Whereas usually families would be able to come and see the body in the funeral home, that’s just not the case now – we’ve been instructed to close the coffins.
“I feel really sorry for people who haven’t been able to say goodbye – whether that’s because their loved one was ill or they’re not able to attend the funeral.”
While no universal number has been issued by the Government, individual local authorities have limited the amount of mourners in attendance.
“It’s a lottery at the moment who is able to attend.
We’ve had instances where children haven’t been able to be with their parents and I just think you have to exercise some common sense when they live in the same house,” he adds.
For Gareth, the only welcome change is the increased use of technology.
“The whole industry has changed enormously over the last two months or so, and it will do going forward.
“Everything is being done electronically now – from registering deaths to recording services for those who can’t be there.
“We’ve had some people joke that it is good for business but it’s really not.
“All services are down to the bare minimum, all of our limos have been put in the garage.
“The service we are able to provide is now very limited.”
Gareth also feels an enormous sense of responsibility to his staff.
“It’s stressful thinking of sending staff off to work around bodies without proper equipment.
“It’s concerning, we all have families that we have to go home to.
“Luckily for me, my sister is providing us with PPE because she has had to close her business so is making some for us.
“We’re getting bodies coming from nursing homes and hospitals who have the virus, so it’s vital to have the right equipment.”
Gareth says that with fewer people being able to attend a church or crematorium, funeral services have reverted back to more “traditional” ways of paying respects.
“It’s almost like going back in time. Where usually you’d think nothing of having 200 to 300 people attending, now that they can’t they’re finding other ways to pay their respects.
“It’s so emotional seeing everyone line the streets on the route to the crem.
“With there being no church services, it’s almost gone back to how it used to be, singing hymns in the street and preaching.”
For Michael Ryan, funeral director at Michael G Ryan Son & Daughters Ltd in Newport, funerals will “never be the same”.
The 69-year-old said that not being able to attend in person has changed how people are forced to celebrate a person’s life.
“I don’t think funerals will ever be the same.
“I’m 69 now and to me these are more like the funerals you’d see in the 1950s and ‘60s.
“Because churches are closed, people are paying their respects in different ways.
“We did one funeral last week where around 200 people lined the streets – people are still turning out.
“I’ve spoken to some people who have said that this is worse than the Second World War. In the war they could leave their houses other than when the bombs were falling, but today we don’t know where the bombs are coming from.”
Michael has been directing funerals across Newport and Cardiff for more than 20 years and says that not being able to build up the same relationship with those grieving has been hard.
“Not being able to shake family members’ hands or comfort them is definitely alien to us. You always build up a rapport with families but it’s more difficult now.
“There is also the problem of how many family members can attend. Some crematoriums say five, others say 10 – so it’s talking to the families about that too.”
Based within the Aneurin Bevan Health Board, one of the worstaffected areas in the country at one point, Michael said he has seen the number of funerals increase by around 30%.
“I don’t think it has been as heavy as we initially expected it would be. The amount of funerals we are currently doing is up something like 30% on last year.
“While usually we would be doing around 15 funerals a week, now it’s around 18.
“I would still say that in this area we are still finding that a lot of deaths are from people who have been treated in hospital.”
Michael has also been faced with the challenge of temporarily replacing staff who are now unable to work.
“A lot of our workers were retired gentlemen.
“At the moment a lot of them aren’t able to work because they are isolating so we have had to have other staff in to fill their roles.
“Because fewer family members can attend, funeral directors are now doing the bearings too, so we have that to think about with staff as well.”
James Richards, funeral director at Richards Funeral Services in Aberdare, has worked in the industry since he was 20.
“Everything is a lot less personable now, which has made our job more difficult,” said the 43-year-old.
“In our job you know it’s natural to be supporting the family and being there as much as you can, but we can’t do that in the same way now because of social distancing.
“Something I will say that has come from this is community spirit – support for the families has been amazing.
“We did one funeral last week and the streets were full of people all along the route, it was really emotional.
“The number of people who can actually attend is obviously one of the biggest changes; that’s difficult, not being able to have a full celebration.
“I suppose everything just feels more impersonal now.
“We have noticed a slight increase in the number of funerals we are doing but not necessarily just from coronavirus deaths, a lot of people had been ill before this,” he said.
James also acknowledged the strain on families who lost loved ones just before lockdown.
“The first few weeks were difficult, it was a bit of an adjustment.
“Obviously funerals are booked around two to three weeks in advance so we already had some booked before these new guidelines were put in.
“It then means changing everything and making sure everything was gone through with the family and they are happy with them.”