‘I was drinking a litre of whisky every single day’ – how addicts are dealing with lockdown
Support services in Wales are receiving just 30% of new alcohol referrals compared with this time last year in some areas. Ryan O’Neill reports
TIM Morgan’s bedroom at his parents’ house in Caerphilly is almost boredom-proof. On the floor next to his bed lies a rolled-up yoga mat and a pair of dumbbells.
Standing against the wall, waiting to be picked up and put down at will, is his deep red Epiphone electric guitar complete with faded stickers from bands like Rancid and Static Thought.
Before coronavirus took over, Tim, 37, was about to start his new voluntary peer mentor role with Cyfle Cymru in Newport, which helps support people with substance and mental health issues, before Government guidelines meant it had to close until further notice.
It’s not exactly what he’d planned. That said, it’s a far cry from when he was drinking up to a litre of whisky a day.
Just 12 months ago Tim was drinking so heavily that even after waking up in the morning with a violent hangover, his first thought was to go to the shop for a bottle of whisky.
He admits his substance issues dated back to when he started using drugs with his friends in school.
“I started smoking cannabis, and then it went on to experimenting with heavier drugs, as a lot of people did. I noticed a lot of people seemed to have the ability to stop, which I seemed to lack. I became an addict.”
Then a teenager, Tim says he began selling drugs, which he saw as “easy money”, and said things “spiralled out of control” from there.
“Before I realised, I was smoking crack, I had no money, I’d lost my flat, ruined relationships.”
A passionate musician, Tim joined a punk band and did the local live circuit for many years, which he says caused his drug use to escalate.
“We were gigging two or three nights a week, so you were up all night three or four times every week. We partied way, way too much.”
“Looking back, it was very stupid. I don’t know how I’m still alive, to be honest with you.”
Although he had used drugs throughout his adult life, it was only two years ago when his marriage broke down that Tim developed an alcohol dependency.
“I did drink when I was out doing drugs and socialising, but I wasn’t drinking every day. Before I knew it, I was drinking half a litre to a litre of whisky every day.”
He says the tipping point came a year ago when he woke up in his parents’ house after a night of heavy drinking.
“I woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover after drinking whisky I’d snuck into my bedroom. It was just after my relationship broke down. The first thing that came to my mind was to go to the shop and buy more whisky, even though I was in a terrible state.
“My parents were saying I was drinking too much but I was in denial, saying I wasn’t, the usual thing. But I suddenly realised they were right.”
In need of help, Tim contacted the Gwent Drug and Alcohol Service (GDAS) and was put on a harm reduction programme which helped him come off both alcohol and drugs.
“I don’t think I would’ve dealt with the drugs issue if I hadn’t addressed the alcohol issue, to be honest,” he admits. “The tools I learned and developed for alcohol addiction helped me stop everything else.”
Tim still attends his weekly Smart recovery meetings online which offer support to people in recovery, as well as other online events, exercise and music to keep himself occupied.
“To tell you how bad my drinking was, I picked up the guitar the other day and found an empty whisky bottle in the guitar case.
“I was thinking I didn’t even remember hiding bottles all over the place like that – that’s how bad it was!”
Tim counts himself lucky and says many who are struggling with addiction during lockdown might be isolated and unaware of the help available during the pandemic.
In Wales, drug and alcohol services provided jointly by Barod and Kaleidoscope are receiving just 30% of new alcohol referrals compared with this time last year in some areas.
The providers have launched the Time to Brew campaign to encourage anyone struggling to seek help through advice and professional information and guidance.
“People shouldn’t be afraid to reach out, because services are still available,” Tim says.
“Drinking does seem to be becoming an everyday thing. People feel like it’s a holiday so they’re drinking more, and I worry that services will be overrun when lockdown ends.
“People need to be mindful of their drinking, even if it means taking a few days off just to prove they can do it. There is nothing else to do for a lot of people. Alcohol is a depressant and should not be used as an excuse to kill boredom.”
Tim is staying with his parents at the moment and the father-of-three says he also chats to his kids on FaceTime every day.
“Whenever I feel a bit down, I get up and do something to occupy myself and make myself feel good that isn’t alcohol-related.
“I’ve never been apart from my kids for longer than a week but because of lockdown I haven’t been able to see them in about seven weeks, which is hard.”
Rachel, 44, was in her early 20s when she first started using heroin. Born in Australia, she moved to the USA with her family as a child.
She says there were never drugs in her family and that she had a happy childhood. It was a personal trauma in her life in early adulthood that sent her into the arms of drugs.
While she prefers to keep the details private, she said: “I can’t even explain how it made me feel. It put me into a very dark space and obviously led me into drugs.
“Heroin just happened to be there on that day. It took time for me to become an addict, I just played around with it for a while. I’m not a big drinker, but I went from maybe smoking pot once in a while to a strong heroin addiction.”
Rachel lived in West Virginia at the time and says she fell into heroin through a group of friends who were using it at the time unbeknown to her.
“It just crept up on me. I remember people saying, ‘Don’t use it for three days in a row or you’ll get addicted.’ I just thought that wasn’t going to happen to me.
“I didn’t even really know what heroin was or that any of my friends were heroin addicts because it was never really done in front of me. It was only when I started using myself that I realised half the town was using it.”
Eventually, Rachel ended up in hospital due to her drug use and almost lost her arm and leg. She stayed in a drug unit, which she says “probably saved my life”.
While in hospital, she spoke to another heroin addict who ran a selfhelp programme and began working there, staying clean for seven years.
It was when Rachel had a bad break-up that she relapsed and ended up in prison after being caught using again, violating her probation for a previous drug possession charge.
After 18 months in prison, she was forced to spend three months in immigration services and was deported back to the UK, where her family had returned.
“It was a horrible part of my life. In prison I’d been able to work outside and had a little bit of freedom, even though I was locked up. So to be put into immigration after, with absolutely nothing, was really hard.
“I just wanted them to send me back at that point, I just wanted to get out.”
Although she was close to her family in the UK, Rachel said she was “taken away from all her friends and recovery support network, everything I’d ever known”.
“There weren’t a lot of recovery meetings in my area at the time, so I didn’t really have any recovery support at all.”
She ended up in a troubled relationship and continued to use heroin, until she finally asked for help.
“I called my mum one day and said I needed help, and she got in touch with Kaleidoscope in Welshpool, which is how I got involved.”
Rachel volunteered with the Kaleidoscope Project and was employed there as a cleaner, as well as helping to run its Smart recovery meetings.
She had a brief relapse a year and a half ago, but has been clean since, and says there will be many drug users in need of help during the current crisis.
“Kaleidoscope have given me a lot of opportunities for training, I really latched on to them. They’ve been really good.
“I write down what I do for the day – you just feel better when you get up and dressed. I’m very lucky that where we live has woods and fields nearby where I can take the dog for a walk. My heart goes out to people who don’t have a place to just walk around. I feel sorry for people who are at home on their own.
“I do have my bad days, but I’m just trying not to let it get me down.
“If my story helps one person – I know there are people out there that need to know that help is still available even in lockdown.
“It’s not easy when you can’t see people face-to-face, but I still get my one-to-one meetings and feel really supported.”