THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A FRIEND WITH MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
PEOPLE react in all sorts of ways when someone has a chronic illness. Whether you know someone who has had MS for a few months or for many years, there’s a good chance they’ll have received unsolicited advice or unhelpful comments from well-meaning friends and relatives at some point or other.
Grazina Berry, CEO of Overcoming MS (overcomingms.org), explains a few key phrases you should avoid saying to someone who has MS...
■ YOU DON’T LOOK ILL – YOU SEEM FINE! “THE main thing for anyone who is a friend of someone with MS to bear in mind is that just because someone seems healthy or appears to be only slightly affected, how they feel can be a whole different matter.
“Many of the symptoms of MS are either invisible or, if visible, may not always be apparent. Symptoms can take time to develop and can vary from person to person and over time – no two people who have MS will be affected identically.”
■ YOU’LL FEEL BETTER IF YOU TELL PEOPLE “PEOPLE also won’t process an MS diagnosis in the same way, like any difficult news,” says Grazina.
“Not everyone wishes to disclose their diagnosis straight away, or to everyone, especially in the workplace, and their decision is a personal one which should be respected.”
■ AT LEAST IT ISN’T TERMINAL “LIVING with MS requires constant and long-term changes to one’s lifestyle to help manage symptoms. Therefore, thinking that living with MS can be made easier solely by thinking positively, is very much wishful thinking,” says Grazina.
“Instead, talk to the person openly and be accommodating to their needs, such as making sure there is access to a toilet, or finding a less physical activity to do together.”
■ YOU’LL FEEL LESS TIRED ONCE YOU’RE OUT AND ABOUT “MS fatigue isn’t the same as being tired from a bad night’s sleep and shouldn’t be played down,” says Grazina. “If you’re a friend of someone who has MS then simply be there, be present, and offer empathy instead of advice.
“Don’t stop inviting them to social occasions, even if they aren’t always able to make it due to their symptoms, and don’t make them feel bad about cancelled plans,” Grazina adds. “Being someone to talk to can go a long way towards crucially making someone feel less isolated.”