‘The memories of the things we’ve had to go through will stay with us forever’
ASENIOR nurse working in one of Wales’ busiest A&E departments believes many of her colleagues will carry the trauma and heartache of the coronavirus pandemic with them for the rest of their lives.
Annemarie Morris, a senior sister at Morriston Hospital in Swansea, said nurses have had to become “stand-in family members” for dying Covid-patients due to the strict visiting restrictions in place.
She admitted she has frequently had to deal with members of the public “begging” A&E staff to see their severely unwell relatives, resulting in a spike in aggressive behaviour, verbal abuse and complaints.
But in the face of such unrelenting pressure, she stressed everyone working in the department has delivered, particularly during the second wave when they’ve also had to contend with the return of non-Covid illnesses and injuries.
“The memories of the things we’ve had to go through will stay with us forever,” she said. “But I haven’t got enough words to say how proud I am of our team. They are, second-tonone, the best I’ve ever worked with in my career as a nurse.”
Annemarie, 46, from Trebanos, Swansea, was one of the nurses tasked with preparing Morriston’s emergency department ahead of the anticipated surge in coronavirus patients 12 months ago.
She said the worrying scenes she witnessed on TV in Italy sprung the department into action.
“When we heard that Italy was putting protocols in place to not resuscitate some people, and putting a blanket [stop] on anybody over the age of 70 getting a ventilator – which then reduced to 60 – that was the moment we realised this was really serious now,” she said.
“You only do those sorts of things when you are desperate. We thought if it gets anything like that here then we are going to be in trouble.”
She said it was “all hands on deck” at the emergency unit in late February and early March, with staff making signs, moving areas and equipment around and being FIT tested for PPE.
“You can imagine the anxiety levels. The more we were doing to the department, the more our colleagues were getting concerned by it,” she said.
“Our consultants worked alongside us and helped us with whatever we needed doing. We built walls in days. The changes within a week were absolutely phenomenal. I’d say we spent about 50 hours a week preparing for what was to come - and then it was a waiting game.
“We’ve had a lot of agency staff working with us [to boost numbers], and they said when they came to Morriston they felt like they were very safe. They felt as if we’d prepared well which is the biggest compliment you could ask for.”
During the first wave, she said staff were taken aback by the amount of young people being admitted to A&E with confirmed or suspected Covid19 who had no previous history of chronic illness.
“We were seeing exceptionally young people with no co-morbidities coming in who literally couldn’t breathe. You were looking into their eyes and they were petrified. They
weren’t allowed to have anybody with them. It was very, very difficult,” she recalled.
“To see those people sorts of coming in – and being severely unwell – was just confirming our worst fears that this virus was real.”
But Annemarie admitted that Covid-19 deniers on social media became a growing frustration for her, particularly when she had to treat her own colleagues who were dying with the virus.
“It was a kick in the teeth because they haven’t had to sit there and look after a colleague when they are taking their last breath,” she added.
“I had to look into the eyes of one of my colleagues, knowing that he was going to be put to sleep and probably never going to come around – and he didn’t.
“It’s difficult to get that across to the general public. I came off social media in the end because I couldn’t bear it. They were mocking the situation when they didn’t understand what was going on.”
As one of the more experienced nurses in the unit Annemarie, who has worked in Morriston Hospital since 2005, took it upon herself to be
a strong and comforting presence for her younger clinicians. If you show you are frightened and you can’t hang on, then the staff are going to feel even worse,” she added.
“On a personal level I found [the pandemic] exceptionally hard because I lost two very close family members during this time, not of Covid I may add. But because of the fact the virus exists I couldn’t go to their funerals.
“I haven’t been able to grieve for them, and that’s the same for every family member of a patient that’s died within the hospital. They’ve had to listen to a doctor telling them on the phone that they will no longer see their relative. How on earth do they live with that?”
Annemarie added that the emotional toll on staff in ED has been “absolutely immense”, with some experiencing an element of “compassion fatigue” as time has gone on.
“Even though they say you shouldn’t take your work home with you, how can you not?” added the grandmother-of-two.
“I put my mum and dad in isolation way before the government guidance came in. I isolated from
them, my grandchildren, and it was the same for many of my colleagues.
“I was very lucky to have my daughter with me as she works in reception at the hospital. so she was allowed to come out of that [role] and concentrate on much of the organisation [such as managing the Covid-19 signs].
“Our wellbeing team is fantastic and also deserve a lot of recognition. A lot of things have been put in place to help them support our staff. We also want staff to be trained to recognise problems in others as some people will think they’re coping fine when they’re not.”
When it came to the peak of the second wave in late December and early January, battle-weary medics in hospitals such as Morriston experienced a significant upsurge in Covid cases once again.
Annemarie added: “The first wave was all about the anticipation; not knowing what was going to come through the doors, not knowing if our PPE was going to work, not knowing if we’d have enough PPE. It was emotionally draining. But we found we were solely concentrating on the sick who were coming in.