Western Morning News (Saturday)
Sussexes have thrown away a golden chance
W‘The Sussexes had it in their power to change things – not just cherry pick the organisations they fancy being of service to but of facing the adversity in their lives, grappling it, fighting it, standing up and being counted. I’m talking about changing the issues that surround race’
HEN our child became disabled, I never thought I’d be writing about that experience and linking it to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
Our lives were peachy when we had Guy. We were buying our own house, Hubs was well on the way to getting a consultant surgeon’s job, I was lining up for a big career move. We had loads of friends, and a perfect little two-year-old boy. The arrival of Guy was the icing on the cake.
Then one day Guy stopped breathing. And by the time he was revived he’d suffered massive brain damage. Our lives took a sharp turn and after that hot June day they would never be the same again. We were in for five-and-a-half years of anguished learning – and Guy was a hard teacher.
We lost our little lad when he died in my arms – a loss that we’ve never got over and never will. He never said a word, but his sheer presence was enough to drive us on to start a charity for young disabled children and their families. We achieved a lot for those little ones with no voice, including changing the law where elements of special educational needs were concerned. In the years that we ran the charity, Guy was the conduit behind it to help other disabled children and their families throughout the country.
Living with a disabled child was lifechanging. I’m sure Guy must have suffered during his short life, and that’s a hard one for a parent to accept. But the pain he gave us has been the biggest blessing, and we wouldn’t alter a thing. It’s changed our perspective on life, given us depth, more tolerance and certainly an insight into disabled people and their carers.
We had that traumatic experience thrust upon us. And I’m glad because it resulted in the charity, which changed many people’s lives for the better.
Life is difficult, life is cruel. People say awful things, whether you’re a royal or a road sweeper. I’ve had people tell me that it would have been better if Guy had died at birth. I’ve had people back into the walls of a lift staring at him in horror as he sat in his buggy gurgling, naso-gastric tube wobbling and I’ve reassured them that he’s unlikely to leap up and mug them.
Having a disabled child and starting a charity made us learn, like many others, that if something is worth achieving, you have to grow some balls, stop thinking about yourself, face tough challenges and think of the end product.
Which brings me to the latest Meghan and Harry story because I think they had challenges that they could have turned around. I’m not interested in the “he said she said” stuff. The long and short of it is that if you marry into one of the oldest dynasties in the world you expect to be in the limelight. Henry the VIII’s wives were often procured on the strength of a painting. Nowadays everything is transparent, there would have been no surprises for anyone marrying into “the firm”. This makes the whole Sussex debacle more bewildering because neither Meghan or Harry were starry eyed teenagers who had been living on another planet before they met. So I’m sorry living as part of the Royal family hasn’t worked out, but not for the reasons cited in the press.
No, I’m sorry it didn’t work out because I truly believe Meghan could have brought about racial harmony in a way that few others could have done today. The gift that Meghan and Harry were given was one of being loved by the world. And in the early days they had a world that hung on their every word. Now their bleats will simply be a turnoff.
The Sussexes had it in their power to change things – not just cherry pick the organisations they fancy “being of service” to but of facing the adversity in their lives, grappling it, fighting it, standing up and being counted. I’m talking about changing the issues that surround race.
Rather than running, they had the opportunity, if they had found the courage, to work at uniting a country, a world, that is divided by skin colour.
What a huge, brave challenge that would have been. It could have been the Sussexes’ calling, but they’ve let “stuff ” divert them, “stuff ’ that in time will be forgotten.
Until we learn to live in harmony, regardless of the colour of our skin or the dialect of our tongue, we are destined for misery.
Now the Sussexes have decamped, hurt, to California, we’ve lost a rare opportunity for healing.
I believe they could have been the ambassadors to do that, to shake up mental health, shake up the bigotry and double standards that exist around racial tensions.
They could have used their popularity as ambassadors who truly made their mark on the world. Impassioned action from Buckingham Palace would, I have no doubt, made far more impact than a chat show from California.
Hubs and I wouldn’t have changed a thing where our life challenges are concerned.
I hope Meghan and Harry are able to say the same when they reach our age.
I SEE that Paul Mercer (6 March) thinks ‘each country for itself ’ is an acceptable approach to foreign policy and that ‘protecting one’s own interests is not some sort of selfish attitude’. He should check the definition of ‘selfish’ which seems to be exactly what he says it is not.
This is an allusion to ‘every man for himself,’ a military and naval order with a very specific meaning, issued only as a last resort, where the situation is hopeless, collapse of a force or the sinking of a ship is imminent, and only after everything possible has been done to protect each other and especially the vulnerable – ‘women and children first’.
The parallels between a catastrophic shipwreck and the UK today are apt as we face the multiple catastrophes of Covid, which was mostly not avoidable; climate change, which could have been avoided by taking sensible action much sooner; and Brexit, which could have been avoided by not taking stupid action once – but Paul Mercer worked harder than most to bring that about with his endless parade of paranoid delusions about the incompetence of Brussels.
He’s still doing it now, claiming that Germany and France initially blocked exports of PPE when in fact the UK ignored the invitation to join the EU procurement for PPE and lost out as a result, claiming ‘when a crisis occurs, EU solidarity evaporates’. The UK is now the pariah, blinking in the headlights of reality while EU countries despite occasional squabbles still support each other in the main.
The UK has left the EU, in part because of Paul Mercer’s long running propaganda campaign.
I and our fishermen, our young people, our rights and UK businesses are paying the price for that. Brexit is damaging the UK. I wonder how bad Paul Mercer’s Brexit has to get before he realises his opponents have always been ‘backing our own country.’
I will continue opposing the selfish isolationist politics of people like Paul Mercer as long as he keeps damaging our country and our future with his ‘nationalism’.
Andy Swain Exeter