Are Asian cultures right and we wrong?

WHEN I was 19 and my sister 17 we flew out to see our father, who was working in Pakistan in the 1970s.

We had a very interesting time, but were stunned by the local male reaction to us. Everywhere we went we were asked, “Where is your husband?” My sister and I were completely nonplussed by this. After all, from our point of view we were preoccupied with school exams and getting into college and having a career. Marriage had not entered our heads.

During the same visit, my father and I were invited and attended part of a three-day wedding ceremony. I can remember now how young the bride seemed. Someone told me she was 15.

I relate this experience now in the context of the toxic, sexually abusive culture that has been written about recently in UK schools, colleges and universities.

And I do seriously wonder whether Asian cultures have got this right and we in the West have got this wrong. After all, young people first become sexually interested and even active as teenagers. So why would parents and family members not be thinking about a suitable long term partner for their offspring at this stage?

Why not go down this route, rather than leave it to chance for people to try to find a partner in the socially vague and even toxic atmosphere combined with high levels of drug taking and alcohol abuse found in some social and educational settings?

Do we really need the proliferation of bars, clubs and night spots that have grown up since I was that teenager? What are these for? So that people can get drunk, hope to meet someone, fall over each other, and end up subject to physical and emotional misunderstandings, if not out and out abuse?

Would it not be preferable for parents and family members to keep an eye out for suitable partners for their offspring? Young people must have a say as well. This may all seem a radical proposal and against our culture. But are we proud of our socialising culture at it is? And does it work? No not really, there seem to be millions of people on dating agencies’ books, especially online, who somehow missed out on finding a decent partner earlier in life.

Perhaps we can resolve some of these problems but encouraging a culture more akin to the traditional Asian one that we experienced years ago.

Maybe there is quite a lot of wisdom in this at its best.

Elizabeth Smith Woodmancote, Glos