Western Morning News (Saturday)
Grandparenting... an overwhelming joy
I’VE just given Hubs a slice of banana loaf, which I’d automatically cut into fingers. He understood though. Eating has taken on a whole new meaning over the last week because we’ve had our grandchildren to stay.
Those of you lucky enough to see your grandchildren regularly will wonder what all my fuss is about. Well I’ll tell you. Ours, four years and 18 months old, live in Chicago and they’ve come to visit for a few weeks.
“Can you look after the kids while we’re in London” said our son and his wife. “You’ll need to get help” said son. “The kids are very young and you’re, well you’re very capable but they’ll tire you out”.
Hubs and I read the note and ignored it. We couldn’t wait for the parents to leave. The house is chaos, an obstacle course of loud toys that play irritating music and shout out tinny instructions. But we don’t care, the joy of grandparenting is overwhelming and our hearts are singing.
Having brought up four kids we were delighted to learn that we haven’t lost our touch, haven’t forgotten how to horseplay, can recall nursery rhymes to the last word and delight in the child they bring out in us.
Today son and wife return and we sadly relinquish our small charges. We’ve had a ball, and I don’t care that I’m tired, that I got kicked round the bed last night (not by Hubs I hasten to add), that I’ve been suckered into reading lots of stories at bedtime, that my stash of chocolate was discovered by little fingers and smeared all over his face. It’s just glorious.
The trip isn’t over yet, but I’m getting teary at the thought of their departure. I’ve just got too many “Mummy genes” and am in my element being with them, watching Hubs sitting patiently doing maths at the table with the eldest boy, or sorting washers and showing him tools in the garage.
Good grandparents have a hugely important role to play and I defy anyone who says differently. Kids learn many things, including boundaries that they’re deaf to when set by parents. They feel confident in the hands of us older ones who have been round the block a few times, know that they can’t pull the wool over our eyes but also know they might just get away with something if we’re feeling lenient.
TV is usually a bone of contention with most families. It wasn’t a problem for us. The youngest found the remote control and settled himself down to watch a programme on Italian architecture. The eldest discovered the Keystone Cops and laughed till the tears rolled down his face.
We’ve learned to keep our own council. We’re wanted as a trusted babysitters (and yes we managed the whole time without extra help) but know parents must always have the last word on child rearing strategies. We probably don’t always concur with their views despite the fact that our experience has been hard won – sharing it might save a few parenting tears. I can’t remember if I listened to my parents – probably not. They were wonderful with our kids – even when it came to food. “Nanny’s peas are so much nicer than yours” they’d cry in unison. I mean how many ways can you cook a frozen pea?
As our grandchildren grow, I really want to take them “Gramping”. In a recent survey in the US, 61% of grandparents said they wanted to take their kids on holiday. Known as “Skip-gen trips” they’re now being offered as formalised group or individual experiences offering multigenerational interests. I hope the idea will catch on here – it would be enriching for all concerned.
Some people don’t like being referred to as a grandparent, think it’s a slur on their age. Recently a case went to court when a woman with three grandchildren sued her employer after another member of staff wrote a car review in which he described the Renault Kadjar as “comfy wheels for a grandmother” a reference to the woman. The woman felt the writer was having a dig at her age.
Being a grandmother and age are, I think, totally different. Being a grandparent should be a medal worn with great joy and pride. Insinuating age, and the possible decrepitude that goes with it, is a different thing all together. I truly hope that potty laws don’t start thinking the term “Grandma” is breaking age bias laws because they really would be missing the point.
We’ve loved this glimpse into being able to love another generation of our great family. It’s bittersweet because just as we get to know them, they’ll be off in the big bird in the sky and our relationship will be back to Face Timing. No bedtime stories – the time difference sees to that. No death by a thousand kisses. No squelching French toast between my toes under the table, or playing tag in the garden. Life is going to feel very quiet indeed.
“Should we consider fostering?” I said to Hubs as he stubbed his toe for the fourth time on a Power Ranger, wincing as it shrieked at him. The look gave me my answer.
No bedtime stories or playing tag in the garden. Life is going to feel very quiet indeed