Council are warned they could have ‘blood on their hands’
Mum’s verdict on proposal to withdrawWomen’s Aid funding
A Lanarkshire mum of two, whofledanabusivemarriage with support from Women’s Aid, has warned the council that it will have blood on its hands if proposals to withdraw the lifeline organisation’s funding are pushed through.
The 30-year-old student nurse, who cannot be named for legal reasons, fled from the marital home clutching her two baby sons after systematic physical, sexual, mental, emotional and financial abuse at the hands of her husband of nearly five years.
Claiming she was let down by Police Scotland “multiple times,” Tania (not her real name) was at breaking point when she bolted with her sons in February 2019 from the rented property in North Lanarkshire to the sanctuary of her mum’s house.
She was among those who on Thursday staged a protest outside N o r t h L a n a r k s h i r e C o u n c i l ’s Motherwell headquarters, appealing to councillors to reverse the decision to pull the plug on funding provided to local Women’s Aid ser vices following a competitive tendering process.
Tania, who says she lied that she’d fallen down stairs when the physical injuries inflicted by her former husband landed her in hospital, says he was, until they married, a calming influence who promised her the world.
“He totally took advantage of that vulnerable side of me that wanted the love that I craved,” she said.
“Little things happened at the start, but it didn’t register at the time that they were red flags. I wasn’t clued up on what domestic abuse was and how it presented itself.
“He was controlling but at times when I questioned things, he would make me think I was completely crazy, loopy and had made it all up – to the point that I started believing it. He broke me down into a vulnerable person.”
Tania claims the police were called repeatedly after reports of domestic abuse.
“On one occasion, my ex-husband had been drinking and poured a glass of wine out and told me I had to drink it, and I refused. That led to me getting a physical beating. A neighbour could hear me screaming for help and called the police. The police turned up and saw the glass of wine, radioed through to the station, and said: ‘She has clearly been drinking, so we will just separate them for the night’.”
Two days after she fled with her boys, aged two and 12 months, Tania discovered her estranged husband had been in a relationship with another woman who was carrying his child.
She claims he stalked her – and on one occasion tried to snatch her sons from her in a supermarket.
“I started withdrawing. I was terrified to go anywhere or speak to anyone,” said Tania, who claims her 29-yearold ex forced her to have sex, and would masquerade as her to send reassuring texts to her concerned family from the mobile phone he kept from her.
“I contacted the police. It was a female officer and she said: ‘If you don’t mind, I will pass on your details to Women’s Aid.’ No other officer had ever mentioned them before. Women’s Aid knew I was going to contact them. In the first couple of minutes of speaking to them, it was such a sigh of relief to find out you’re not crazy, you didn’t do anything wrong and you did not do anything to deserve it.
“They put me into a refuge and gave me food and clothing. They were helping with the kids as well, protecting them.”
She says a High Court trial date has been set, at which her former husband will face 13 charges relating to her own allegations and those of at least one other woman.
“If I’d had to do this on my own, I wouldn’t have had the strength,” admits Tania.
“If it was not for the continuous support of Women’s Aid, doing updates and explaining the court situation, looking out for my wellbeing and checking up on the kids as well, I would not have had the strength to go as far as I have.
“They don’t just get you out of a situation, and that is it – they go above and beyond. They put the puzzle of your life back together.”
Tania – who’d had to pull out of her college nursing course because her then husband had objected to her being in contact with male doctors during placements – was able to resume her studies after a letter from her Women’s Aid key worker that explained her ordeal and gave assurances of the support she continues to receive.
Due to other sources of income, none of the groups will have to close its doors should Women’s Aid fail in its campaign to save the funding its long-established North Lanarkshire, Motherwell District, and Monklands branches receive from the local authority.
Maintaining that continued reliance on alternative, short-term funding streams would threaten the rights and safety of women and children experiencing domestic abuse, Tania fears that “a lot of women will fall off the radar”.
“When we were last on a Zoom call with councillors, I made it quite clear: What is it going to take for you to realise it would be blood on your hands for another woman to die, or another child to die?” she said.
Contact Women’s Aid by email: helpline@womensaid.org.uk, specifying when and if it is safe to respond, and to which email address.
Police Scotland say they are committed to tackling domestic abuse and keeping people safe. If the abuse is ongoing, those in danger should always phone 101, or 999 in an emergency.
People can also: speak to the police in person by attending the local police station; use the Police Scotland online reporting form (only where the abuse is not ongoing); contact Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline on 0800 027 1234 for 24/7 support.