A mother in my 40s

LISA LENNKH, 47, IS AN INVESTMENT BANKER TURNED STYLE BLOGGER. SHE LIVES IN LONDON WITH HER HUSBAND MATTHIAS, 47, AND THEIR SON ALEXANDRE, THREE.

WHEN ALEXANDRE WAS LAID ON MY CHEST, I WEPT TEARS OF HAPPINESS. UNTIL THAT MOMENT I’D HELD BACK EMOTIONALLY, A PROTECTIVE MECHANISM AFTER MY STRUGGLE TO HAVE HIM.

I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN IN MY TWENTIES AND THIRTIES. I’D SEEN WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WOMEN IN THE CITY BECAME MOTHERS. EITHER THEY DROPPED DOWN THE LADDER BECAUSE THEY DISAPPEARED AT 5PM TO DO A NURSERY RUN, OR THEY LEFT THEIR KIDS WITH NANNIES AND NEVER SAW THEM.

I WAS HAPPY TO REMAIN CAREER FOCUSED AND, ALTHOUGH I HAD RELATIONSHIPS,

I NEVER MET THE RIGHT PERSON. BUT IN 2008 I STARTED DATING MATTHIAS, WHO DESPERATELY WANTED CHILDREN. I BEGAN TO FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT BECOMING A MUM.

NAIVELY, I DIDN’T GIVE A SECOND THOUGHT TO MY AGE EVEN THOUGH I WAS 40. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN FIT AND HEALTHY.

MY FIRST TWO PREGNANCIES BOTH ENDED IN MISCARRIAGE BEFORE 12 WEEKS. TESTS REVEALED THAT BECAUSE OF MY AGE THE QUALITY OF MY EGGS WAS DECLINING. IT

HAD CAUSED CHROMOSOMAL ABNORMALITIES IN THE BABIES I’D LOST. I WAS DEEPLY SHOCKED. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HADN’T BEEN ABLE TO CONTROL A SITUATION.

I REALISED THAT A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CAN’T STOP YOUR BODY AGEING. I WISHED I’D BEEN IN THE RIGHT PERSONAL SITUATION EARLIER IN MY LIFE, SO I DIDN’T HAVE

TO GO THROUGH THIS.

WE DECIDED TO HAVE IVF AND TO MY JOY I BECAME PREGNANT ON MY FIRST CYCLE. HAVING GLIMPSED A FUTURE WITHOUT A CHILD OF MY OWN, I FELT SO OVERWHELMED WITH GRATEFULNESS WHEN ALEXANDRE WAS BORN BY C-SECTION.

USED TO SURVIVING ON LITTLE SLEEP FROM MY BANKING DAYS, I COPED

WELL WITH LIFE WITH A NEWBORN AND BECAUSE OF MY AGE FELT ABLE TO TRUST MY MATERNAL INSTINCTS.

“I LEARNED THE HARD WAY THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES WHEN IT COMES TO FERTILITY”