“YOU HAVE MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK”
AS HE PUBLISHES HIS FIRST NOVEL, GRAHAM NORTON TALKS TO EMMA JUSTICE ABOUT UNREQUITED LOVE, DATING ON TINDER AND WHY HE’LL NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH MADONNA…
GRAHAM NORTON TALKS DATING, HIS NEW NOVEL AND MORE
“I WONDER IF HE’S REALLY AS FUNNY AS HE IS ON TELLY,” SAYS MY CAB DRIVER WHEN I TELL HIM
I’M ON MY WAY TO INTERVIEW GRAHAM NORTON. THE ANSWER IS YES BUT ALSO INCREDIBLY THOUGHTFUL AND SURPRISINGLY VULNERABLE AS HE ADMITS TO WORRYING ABOUT HOW HIS DEBUT NOVEL, Holding, WILL BE RECEIVED. GRAHAM, 53, has already published three books, his memoirs The Life and Loves of a He Devil and So Me plus
Ask Graham, a collection of his advice columns. He also hosts The Graham Norton Show on BBC One and his
Radio 2 show. Graham, who now lives in London, grew up in County Cork, Ireland, where he still has a house and his mother Rhoda lives, so it’s no surprise that Holding has an Irish setting. It’s a brilliantly evocative and fast-paced mystery, which will in my opinion not only be a bestseller, but also a box office hit – especially if they cast Julie Walters and Brendan Gleeson (Graham’s choice for his lonely hero PJ, a Garda) in the lead roles. You read it here first…
I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE A NOVEL
BUT IT’S LIKE SAYING YOU WANT TO PLAY THE PIANO – if that’s the case then by the age of 52 you really should be banging out a tune! So I’m relieved to say I woke
up on my 53rd birthday having finished this book.
I WROTE IT IN THREE BIG CHUNKS AND IT TOOK ME ABOUT A YEAR. I got a two-book deal when I wrote The Life and Loves of a He Devil and it was the only reason I finished it. My publisher kept saying, “So Graham, about that novel…” I thought I’d write a cynical story set in London about smart arses talking to each other. So I’m surprised that I wrote a sweet, sentimental tale set in West Cork, Ireland. I’m not sure what genre it fits into – “cosy crime” perhaps?
THE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING “A MAN OFF THE TELLY” IS THAT SOMEONE WILL PUBLISH YOUR NOVEL. The downside is that my persona can get in the way when you read it. I tried hard not to put “me” in the book but I’m there in some way – the characters are outsiders and emotionally stunted for a start! They feel they haven’t had choices – that life just happened to them. I gave it a happy(ish) ending because I felt it would be too cruel to have everyone’s lives end badly. I wanted there to be hope.
I INTENDED TO WRITE IT IN IRELAND BUT, WHEN I WAS THERE LAST SUMMER, I SLICED A BIT OF MY FINGER OFF. I was washing my Irishman of the Year Award (I kid you not), which was this big glass thing that shattered in the sink. I’m just getting the feeling in my finger back now.
THERE’S LOTS OF CONFLICTING ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO WRITE FICTION. As a debut novelist I knew it was important to plot it out so I made the crime element the scaffolding of my story. Then the characters just took on a life of their own. And yes I know it sounds pretentious when writers say that!
I DIDN’T GET WRITER’S BLOCK, I GOT WRITER’S LAZINESS. There were a few points, even as far as 30,000 words in, when I could have easily given up and tossed the book aside. So my advice to other first-time writers is KEEP GOING. Write something – anything – every day or your halfwritten book will end up under the bed. I SENT AN EARLY DRAFT TO MY MUM, MY SISTER, A FEW FRIENDS AND MY OLD ENGLISH TEACHER WHO I’M STILL FRIENDS WITH. They were all gentle with their criticism but they didn’t hold back either. They pointed out things that didn’t hang together. I listened to them and the book changed a lot.
FOR ME THE PLEASURE WAS IN THE WRITING – NOT IN THE SHARING. I was worried writing would be like doing a long stretch of boring homework but I loved it. Now I know people are going to read it, I feel vulnerable. I hope it’s a success but if nobody likes it I’ll still write another one – I’ll just keep it in a biscuit tin afterwards.
BEST. BOOK. EVER. IS THE REVIEW I’M LOOKING FOR! I haven’t done this for a laugh. I’ve done it seriously so if people don’t like it I can’t dismiss it as being a joke. I’d like to think bits of the story will move people and that they will get a sense of place from it.
I’M GLAD THAT BOOKS ARE MAKING A COMEBACK. People are rediscovering them because, you know, that page-turning thing is quite good! Kindles are great for taking on holiday but there’s something special about holding an actual book.
ON SUCCESS
PEOPLE FIND HAPPINESS IN DIFFERENT WAYS. I go back to Ireland and still know people who have never left and I think, “Do you have no curiosity? Do you not want to see anything else of life?” But at the same time they probably look at me and think,
“Why did you leave? What are you looking for that you can’t find here?”
PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SUCCESS AND AMBITION IN VERY NARROW TERMS. In work it’s easiest to define. For me it’s about people watching my show, buying this book and listening to the radio. And in that arena I’ve far outstripped any ambitions I ever had. I’M VERY CONTENT. I overuse that word but I think if you find it then you’re doing well. Some people never find contentment and that’s a curse. They think, “If I lose weight I’ll be happy… if I have a baby… if I get a pay rise… but I’m not that person. I’m usually the one saying, “Isn’t this great!” ON HIS CAREER I HAD NO PLAN B, WHICH IS A GOOD THING BECAUSE IF I DID, I’D BE DOING IT NOW. My plan A wasn’t working for a very long time. I was living on the 18th floor of a tower block in a council estate in east London and not making any money. I’m glad I didn’t find success until later in life – it makes you a more rounded person.
I DON’T BECOME FRIENDS WITH ALL THE GUESTS ON MY SHOW. Some of them are really hard work! Sometimes, the next day, I’ll read the gossip columns and see they’ve gone out to dinner without me. My name is on the title credits and when I walk out everyone claps, but as soon as the guests arrive it’s my job to make them look funnier and more interesting than me. I’m basically the hired help!
THERE AREN’T MANY PEOPLE LIKE MADONNA IN THE WORLD. You need a particular mindset to become that person and driven doesn’t quite cover it. It’s extraordinary and intimidating because there’s no way you can relate to them as an equal. They’re part of a super race. The only other people who come close are Tom Ford and Oprah.
IF I WERE PM FOR THE DAY I’D TACKLE TAX EVASION. If the very rich paid their fair share we’d be in much better shape. There would be more schools and more hospitals, people wouldn’t be as >>