THE NUMBERS GAME

WOMAN&HOME’S ASTROLOGER PENNY THORNTON DISCOVERS SOME POSITIVES AS SHE ENTERS WHAT SHE FEARED MIGHT BE THE “AGE OF INVISIBILITY”

PENNY THORNTON ON REACHING THE “AGE OF INVINCIBILITY”

NOW, SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOOK FORWARD TO THEIR BIRTHDAY, BUT

NOT ME. ON MY 25TH I REALISED WITH HORROR THAT 30 WAS ONLY FIVE YEARS AWAY AND A KIND OF PANIC SET IN. IT WAS THE POINT AT WHICH I DECIDED NEVER EVER TO DISCLOSE MY AGE, EVEN TO MYSELF.

I GO INTO MOURNING THE YEAR BEFORE I REACH A ZERO, BUT THE TRAGEDY REALLY BEGINS AROUND A SEVEN – 27, 37, 47 AND SO ON. SO YOU WILL APPRECIATE REACHING ANOTHER SEVEN IN A DECADE I CANNOT BRING MYSELF EVEN TO NAME IS A LIFE CRISIS OF SERIOUS PROPORTIONS. EVEN BERGMAN COULDN’T HAVE DONE JUSTICE TO THE BLEAK PROSPECT I WAS FACING.

IN MY MISERY I EXAMINED THE POSITIVES. I WAS STILL MOBILE. MOST DAYS I CAN RECALL THE NAME OF THE PRIME MINISTER AND THE CURRENT YEAR, BUT NOT, YOU UNDERSTAND, THE YEAR I WAS BORN.

AND I STILL HAVE A GOOD HEAD OF HAIR. APPARENTLY, I’M STILL EMPLOYABLE.

I SPENT THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY GIVING MYSELF A PEP TALK ABOUT HOW LUCKY I WAS TO HAVE SURVIVED THIS LONG WITHOUT THE NEED FOR A HIP REPLACEMENT, INCONTINENCE PADS OR STATINS. I KNEW THAT THERE WERE SOME POSITIVES TO REACHING – WELL, I STILL CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO REVEAL THE NUMBER – SO I DID WHAT EVERY SENSIBLE SILVER-SURFER DOES AND GOOGLED: THE PLUSES TO OLD AGE. SEE BELOW FOR THE BENEFITS OF MY RESEARCH.

AS I PONDERED THIS LIST OF POSITIVES ABOUT THE COMING OF AGE, I HAD AN EPIPHANY. THE BABY BOOMERS HAVE BEEN MOWING DOWN BARRIERS SINCE ADOLESCENCE – WE ARE THE GENERATION OF INNOVATION – SO, SURELY WE CAN DO THE SAME WITH THE CONCEPT OF AGEING. WE MAY HAVE REACHED THE AGE OF INVISIBILITY BUT WE ARE ONLY INVISIBLE

IF WE FAIL TO PARTICIPATE.

BEING A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH APPEARANCE AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ENGAGEMENT.

CERTAINLY THERE ARE BOOMER ICONS EVERYWHERE – TAKE ANGELA MERKEL

(THE MOST POWERFUL WOMAN

ON THE WORLD’S STAGE) AND

CHRISTINE LAGARDE (CEO OF THE INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND) – THE AGE OF INVISIBILITY HAS NOT DAWNED ON THEM. NEITHER HAS IT DAWNED ON MARY BERRY, JUDI DENCH, CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR, ANNA WINTOUR, NOR INDEED W&H’S EDITORIAL DIRECTOR SUE JAMES. THESE ARE BUT A HANDFUL OF WOMEN WHO STILL TURN HEADS AS THEY ENTER A ROOM, NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR STYLE STATEMENTS OR CREASELESS FACES BUT BECAUSE THEY COMMAND RESPECT; THEIR OPINIONS COUNT; THEY ARE BRILLIANT AT WHAT THEY DO.

GREATLY CHEERED BY SUCH THOUGHTS, I DUG OUT THE APPLICATION FORM THAT HAD BEEN SLOWLY WRINKLING IN MY DESK DRAWER AND WONDERED ANEW IF I WASN’T READY FOR A MAJOR CAREER CHANGE. AFTER ALL, TAKING ON NEW CHALLENGES IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SECRETS OF STAYING YOUNG OR AT LEAST CURRENT. LAST YEAR, IN AN EFFORT TO RECRUIT MORE FEMALE SPIES, MI6 HAD POSTED AN AD ON MUMSNET IN THE BELIEF THAT WOMEN IN GENERAL AND MOTHERS IN PARTICULAR “BRING A VERY HUMAN APPROACH TO GATHERING SECRET INTELLIGENCE...”

I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT THE COMPLETED FORM IS NOW WINGING ITS WAY TO VAUXHALL CROSS. SO, SHOULD I EVER DISAPPEAR FROM THESE PAGES, DO NOT FEAR THAT I HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED TO THE RANKS OF THE INVISIBLE SISTERHOOD, ALTHOUGH IN A WAY I HAVE.

I’LL INSTEAD BE SIPPING A MARTINI (SHAKEN NOT STIRRED, OBVIOUSLY) WITH MY EARLY BIRD DINNER, GATHERING INTELLIGENCE ON THINGS I CANNOT POSSIBLY DISCLOSE.

REACHING ANOTHER ZERO WILL ONLY BE A PLUS.

Taking on new challenges is one of the secrets of staying young