WHY WE’RE GETTING MARRIED IN OUR 50S
FOUR WOMEN TELL THEIR STORIES
CARRIE TAYLOR, 56, WRITES ABOUT HER DECISION TO MARRY LONG-TERM PARTNER MARK THIS SPRING. THEY LIVE IN KENT AND CARRIE IS ASSOCIATE EDITOR ON W&H. SO I’M TRENDING (AT LAST!)… JOINING THE EVER-INCREASING NUMBERS OF 50+ WOMEN GETTING MARRIED. SO… WHY? THERE WASN’T AN AWFUL LOT OF MULLING OVER OF THE DECISION TO GET MARRIED… IT JUST HAPPENED! I SIMPLY CAME HOME FROM WORK ONE EVENING LAST SUMMER IN A BIT OF A STRANGE MOOD AND, OUT OF THE BLUE (TO ME AS MUCH AS TO MARK), OUT IT CAME: “I WANT TO GET MARRIED.”
I’D COME IN LATE BECAUSE I HAD A COUPLE OF APPOINTMENTS IN LONDON AND IN BETWEEN HAD HALF AN HOUR TO SPARE. I FOUND MYSELF SITTING IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE, JUST PEOPLE WATCHING TO PASS THE TIME. THE STUDENTS LARKING AROUND,
THE DAD WHO’D BROUGHT HIS CHILDREN UP TO LONDON FOR THE DAY, THE YOUNG COUPLE FROM OVERSEAS WITH THEIR TINY TODDLER, THE OLD COUPLE SITTING SILENTLY ON THE BENCH… I CAN ONLY THINK THAT SEEING THESE LITTLE SLICES OF OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES MUST HAVE STIRRED SOMETHING AND GAVE ME A NUDGE…
MARK AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN 25 YEARS, MEETING WHEN HE WAS 23 AND I WAS IN MY EARLY THIRTIES WITH TWO YOUNG CHILDREN FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. I WAS FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT WITH MY OWN HOME, A GOOD JOB, SORTED – PART OF THAT FIRST GENERATION OF WOMEN WHO DIDN’T “NEED” TO GET MARRIED: WE WOULDN’T BE VILIFIED BY LIVING IN SIN, WE WERE ENCOURAGED TO HAVE CAREERS NOT JUST JOBS. SO, ALTHOUGH WE HAD DISCUSSED MARRIAGE BEFORE, IT WASN’T SOMETHING WE FELT REALLY MATTERED TO US. OUR RELATIONSHIP WORKED – WE’D BEEN THROUGH THE USUAL UPS AND DOWNS OF ANY COUPLE AND WERE STILL VERY HAPPY TOGETHER – SO WHY ROCK THE BOAT?
PART OF MY REASONING WAS THAT
I’D ALWAYS BEEN THE “LEAD” IN OUR RELATIONSHIP: OUR HOUSE AND ALL THE BILLS IN MY NAME, AND IN MANY WAYS, IT DIDN’T FEEL AS IF WE WERE A TRUE OUT-AND-OUT PARTNERSHIP AND I WANTED TO PUT THAT RIGHT. MARK’S INITIAL RESPONSE TO THE
IDEA WAS SIMPLY: “WHY?” MY RESPONSE: “I DON’T KNOW, I JUST DO…” WHEN HE REALISED I WAS SERIOUS HE SAID, “ALL RIGHT, THEN… BUT CAN WE KEEP IT REALLY SMALL?” AND THE DECISION WAS MADE… WE WERE GETTING MARRIED!
MY BIG SURPRISE: I LOVED THE WHOLE BUSINESS OF IT. DECIDING ON A VENUE
AND THE GUEST LIST, THE INVITES… THE DRESS! EARLY ON I BOUGHT A VERY BEAUTIFUL DRESS IN AN ONLINE SALE – REASSURING MARK THAT I WOULDN’T DO “THE WEDDING DRESS THING” – AND IT WAS LOVELY, BUT IF I’M HONEST, MORE “MOTHER OF” THAN BRIDE. THEN I WENT SHOPPING WITH MY SISTER FOR HER OUTFIT… AND HAPPENED UPON A DRESS THAT, IF I WERE GOING DOWN THE WEDDING DRESS ROUTE, WAS VERY MUCH “IT”. WHAT HARM TO TRY IT ON, JUST
FOR FUN? OH DEAR, IT FITTED PERFECTLY, OH DEAR, SUDDENLY AT 56 I WANTED
TO BE A PRINCESS! IT WAS BOUGHT ON THE SPOT. FROM THEN ON I BECAME NOT A BRIDEZILLA, BUT SO INTO THE WHOLE THING. THE ANTICIPATION OF CREATING A SPECIAL CELEBRATION WAS JOYOUS – AND WHEN OUR MOST RECENT FAMILY GET-TOGETHERS HAD BEEN FOR FUNERALS, THIS WAS SUCH A FABULOUS LIGHTNESS IN OUR WORLD.
THE DAY ITSELF WAS ALL THAT I COULD HAVE DREAMED: THE SUN SHONE, THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS GATHERED ALL SMILES (AND A FEW TEARS!). MY SONS WERE MARK’S BEST MEN AND MADE THE MOST LOVELY SPEECH. NOTHING PASSED IN A DAZE – WE SAVOURED EVERY MOMENT.
SO HAS ANYTHING CHANGED? WELL, NEITHER OF US HAD THOUGHT IT WOULD BUT IT SERIOUSLY HAS… WE SIMPLY FEEL MORE “JOINED UP”. OUR FAMILIES ARE AS ONE, THE THREADS OF OUR LIVES ENTWINED. I KNOW IT SOUNDS SOPPY, BUT THAT’S JUST HOW IT FEELS. I, WE, FEEL COMPLETE NOW. IT MAY BE STILL HONEYMOON PERIOD, BUT WE’RE BEING KINDER TO EACH OTHER,
MORE CONSIDERATE, NOT TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED. IT’S A BRILLIANT FEELING AND I HOPE THAT CONTINUES FOREVER.
GETTING MARRIED LATER ON MAY NOT BE FOR EVERYONE, BUT RIGHT NOW IT
FEELS VERY GOOD AND I’M SO HAPPY WE DECIDED TO GO FOR IT.
“I was that generation who didn’t need to get married… so what changed?’”