‘HAVING MY ADULT CHILD BACK AT HOME WAS A SHOCK’

LESLEY FRASER, 52, IS MARRIED WITH THREE CHILDREN. SHE IS A PHARMACEUTICALS ACCOUNT MANAGER FROM WORCESTER. “WHEN MY DAUGHTER, ELISA, 21, ANNOUNCED SHE WAS COMING HOME TO LIVE FOR HER FINAL YEAR AT UNIVERSITY, I WAS DELIGHTED. SHE WAS STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, SO IT MADE SENSE AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LOVELY TO HAVE HER AROUND AGAIN. THE DEAL WAS THAT SHE COULD LIVE AT HOME FOR FREE AND I’D PAY FOR HER FOOD, BUT SHE HAD TO FINANCE EVERYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING HER CAR, WHICH SHE DID THROUGH WORKING ONE DAY A WEEK IN A SHOP. THE REALITY WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. I’D FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE HAVING AN EXTRA ADULT IN THE HOUSE, ESPECIALLY A GROWN-UP CHILD WHO HAD HAD TWO YEARS OF COMPLETE FREEDOM TO LIVE HOW SHE WANTED. ELISA TREATED THE HOUSE A BIT LIKE A HOTEL, COMING AND GOING WHEN SHE LIKED, EATING NEW FOOD IN THE FRIDGE BEFORE USING UP THE OLDER STUFF, NOT REALLY HELPING WITH CHORES, LETTING WASHING PILE UP AND RECORDING OVER PROGRAMMES I WANTED TO WATCH. WE HAD SOME WORDS AND I LAID DOWN FIRM RULES, SUCH AS NOT USING FOOD UNLESS THE PACKET WAS OPEN OR CONSULTING ME. I THINK I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO MAKE THE BIGGEST ADJUSTMENTS. I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK TO HER AS AN ADULT, NOT A 10-YEAR-OLD, AND NOT INFANTILISE HER. SHE’S NEARLY FINISHED UNIVERSITY AND HAS PROMISED SHE’LL CONTRIBUTE ONCE SHE HAS A JOB, BUT BY THEN I IMAGINE SHE’LL WANT TO LIVE ON HER OWN AGAIN.”

ELISA, 21, IS DOING A DEGREE IN BUSINESS, MARKETING AND PR: “MOVING BACK HOME AFTER TWO YEARS AWAY DID TAKE SOME ADJUSTING. FOR EXAMPLE, MY MUM ASKING MY PLANS FOR THE WEEK BECAUSE SHE’S PLANNING MEALS, BUT I HAVEN’T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT MY PLANS YET! I AM CLOSE TO MY PARENTS THOUGH, AND I RESPECT

THE FACT IT’S THEIR HOUSE AND IF THEY WANT SOMETHING DONE A CERTAIN WAY THEN THAT’S FINE.”