The secret to MIDLIFE MAGIC

Over 50? A life of happiness and fulfilment is waiting for you…

Midlife can be a rocky road to tread for many women with loss of confidence, identity and purpose often being exacerbated by the hormonal imbalances of perimenopause. But once the end of that chapter is in sight – then what?

Getting older often gets a bad rap but, contrary to all of the scaremongering, a woman’s feelings of happiness are actually more likely to increase after she turns 50 than decrease, with one study finding that those aged 50-65 were happier with their age, relationships and confidence than women in their 20s.

‘I genuinely believe that for many women, life gets a lot better after

50,’ says positive psychologist Miriam Akhtar, author of The Little Book of Happiness (Aster). ‘Yes, the menopause represents the end of the reproductive years but it also signals a time of new beginnings, where going forward you get to centre your wants and needs, shed a skin and birth a new sense of self, which often culminates in genuine feelings of “mature happiness”.’

Sounds good, right? Here’s how to ditch the older age dread and harness that positivity.

Trust in your wisdom

In many other cultures, midlife is seen in a much more positive way than perhaps it is here, with women gaining greater status within their communities with their menopausal transition.

In Japan, this time of life is all about transition and new purpose rather than being associated with loss or fear, while

Native Americans are brought up to consider postmenopausal women as ‘women of wisdom’.

‘Thriving in your 50s is about harnessing all of the years of wisdom and life experience you’ve had, and using it as fuel to prepare you for the second half of your life,’ says wellbeing expert Natalie Munk, founder of kaylolife.com. ‘This stage of life is about deepening that knowledge by learning to live life according to your value system, not anyone else’s. It will bring you into deeper alignment with your authentic self and can reroute you towards a life of deep fulfilment.’

Appreciate the present

This is the first step in being able to truly trust in this wisdom. Taking time to dial in on where you are, what you have, and what is – and isn’t – working for you.

‘Appreciating the present was a gradual mindset thing for me and it meant reassessing the things that did and didn’t bring me happiness,’ admits business coach Kathleen Harmeston (kathleenharmeston.co.uk). ‘I decided that work didn’t define me as a person, it wasn’t the thing that was going to be keeping me company at the weekend late into my 50s and 60s! So I wound down my executive roles and started taking more time out for the things that made me truly happy. Giving back to my local community through volunteering and taking care of my father who was at the end of his life, brought me inner peace.’

Being grateful for the now becomes easier when we connect with the moment we’re in, giving us time to feel grounded, and reflect, without all the noise and distraction of our lives. ‘Carve out more regular time to switch off your phone and get out into nature,’ urges sound therapist Tallulah Rendall (tallulahrendall.com), who says women in their 50s should make this a priority. ‘Walking in the woods, on the beach, in the local park, or even just sitting in your garden, calms the brain, allows us time to reflect on the things that do and don’t serve us, and creates emotional stability.’

Let go of anger

‘Anger and negativity really screw up your immune system and actually age you, so now is the time to try and let go of any that you might be holding onto,’ advises Julie Watts, executive director at The Terence Watts BWRT Institute (bwrt.org).

‘It doesn't matter who did what, why, or when – holding on to years of anger is toxic to your health. Letting it go will make you feel happier, mentally and physically, in the years to come.’ Daily journaling and meditation are both brilliant tools to help with this.

But while easing deep-rooted feelings of anger can aid mature

happiness, Natalie says that listening to your internal dialogue and embracing new feelings of resistance can also be beneficial. ‘There’s a theory that when midlife women get cranky or more brittle, it’s actually encouraging us to create more boundaries for ourselves,’ she explains. ‘It forces us to say “no”, and restructure our lives in a way that contributes to our health and happiness, rather than hindering it by over-giving and burning out.’

Lean into liberation

We don’t need to tell you that midlife and menopause can be really tough for mind, body and soul. But once you get through it – and you will

– what follows is often a huge sense of liberation and achievement.

‘I found that everything that had held me back for years, like monthly cycles, PMT, and mood swings became muted, less important and eventually non-existent,’ says Kathleen.

‘You feel a huge sense of empowerment for having survived what is an enormous physical and emotional change, and with that your goals and dreams often become

clearer and a no-nonsense approach to life begins to emerge.’

Because these inevitable changes in our bodies often align with times of change in our home lives – like children leaving home, mortgages being paid off, and retirements on the horizon, what we value shifts ‘offering a liberating opportunity to reinvent ourselves, with the wisdom that comes with age,’ adds midlife mentor Claire Davis (themidlifementors.com). ‘We step into our power, have more time to prioritise ourselves, and begin to live life on our terms, where the things we put aside for our careers and family no longer need to be ignored.’

Set yourself some new challenges

That old adage about not being able to teach old dogs new tricks has, thankfully, been debunked and actually our 50s and beyond is the perfect time to learn new skills, pick up hobbies and set yourself new challenges.

‘Contrary to earlier beliefs that the brain's structure remains fixed after a certain age, research shows that neurons keep generating and the brain continues to change and grow in response to new experiences,’ says Julie. ‘So, keep learning new things –

start dancing, learn to sing, play an instrument or learn a new language – whatever it is, because by keeping your brain active, you'll boost your happiness and longevity.’

Not sure where to start? Try one challenge at a time, suggests Claire. ‘While I encourage women to embrace this time of life with joy and positive expectation, it can also feel overwhelming,’ she says. ‘I suggest writing down some of the goals you might have and choose just one to work on. Breaking it down into smaller incremental action steps will prevent too much perfectionism or pressure, help you celebrate the little wins along the way, and build self-confidence.’

Keep connecting

Yes, this time of life is all about dancing to the beat of your own drum, but ‘it’s also really important to connect with like-minded people,’ says Claire. ‘As you navigate this crucial time of life, you need people who inspire, motivate and encourage you.’ Spend time with your tribe – or perhaps you’ll find a new one while seeking out new challenges and pastimes. ‘Just as you need to connect to your body, there is power, wisdom and solidarity in connecting with others, which can help fuel an upwards trajectory in happiness.’