THE LIFE EDIT
THE AUTHORS OF THE ULTIMATE SELF-HELP BOOKS REVEAL WHAT REALLY WORKS WHEN YOU NEED TO FIND CALM
HOW TO BEAT STRESS
Do… visualise the end result
RHONDA BYRNE IS A WRITER AND TV PRODUCER, AND AUTHOR OF GLOBAL BESTSELLER The Secret. SHE ALSO MADE A FILM OF THE SAME NAME, AND HER MOST RECENT BOOK IS Hero (SIMON & SCHUSTER). YOU CAN EASILY UNDERSTAND THAT THE
MORE PREPARED YOU ARE BEFORE A TEST, EXAM OR SPEECH, THE LESS FEAR YOU WILL HAVE. WELL, WHEN YOU PREPARE YOUR MIND FOR SOMETHING YOU’RE ABOUT TO UNDERTAKE BY VISUALISING THE OUTCOME, YOU WILL REDUCE THE FEAR YOU FEEL. YOU MIGHT ALSO DISCOVER THAT THE MOMENT YOU BEGIN TO DO THE FEARFUL THING, THE FEAR DISAPPEARS IMMEDIATELY. I HAVE FOUND THIS TO BE TRUE IN MY LIFE OVER AND OVER AGAIN; THE FEAR OF DOING SOMETHING IS MUCH WORSE THAN THE REALITY OF DOING IT.
Do… notice joy in the everyday
BRENE BROWN IS A RESEARCH PROFESSOR AND THE AUTHOR OF
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead (PENGUIN). PART OF MY RESEARCH WORK INCLUDES INTERVIEWING MEN AND WOMEN WHO’VE EXPERIENCED PROFOUND LOSSES OR SURVIVED GREAT TRAUMAS. I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH
FROM THEM. IN PARTICULAR:
THAT JOY COMES TO US IN ORDINARY, EVERYDAY MOMENTS. WE RISK MISSING OUT ON JOY WHEN WE’RE TOO BUSY CHASING THE EXTRAORDINARY.
DON’T SQUANDER JOY. WE CAN’T PREPARE FOR TRAGEDY AND LOSS. LETTING OURSELVES BE JOYFUL CAN MAKE US FEEL VULNERABLE, BUT EVERY TIME WE GIVE INTO THOSE MOMENTS, WE BUILD RESILIENCE. WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN – AND THEY DO – WE ARE STRONGER.
Do… make time for a holi-hour
SUSAN JEFFERS WAS THE AUTHOR OF CLASSIC SELF-HELP BOOK Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway (VERMILION), WHICH SOLD AN ESTIMATED 15 MILLION COPIES WORLDWIDE. SHE DIED AGE 74 IN 2012, BUT HER MESSAGE REMAINS HUGELY RELEVANT.
TO HELP MYSELF RELAX I’VE CREATED THE CONCEPT OF
THE HOLI-HOUR, A SHORTENED VERSION OF THE HOLI-DAY. I ALLOW MYSELF AT LEAST AN HOUR IN EACH DAY TO RELAX TOTALLY. IT COULD MEAN READING MAGAZINES, WALKING ON THE BEACH, OR VISITING MY FAVOURITE SHOPPING CENTRE. THIS HELPS GREATLY IN KEEPING ME REFRESHED AND VERY OFTEN I GET SOME OF MY BEST WORK IDEAS DURING THIS LEISURE TIME, WHEN MY MIND IS NOT SO CLUTTERED. MANY OF US GET ANXIOUS WHEN TAKING TIME OUT TO RELAX
AND ENJOY OURSELVES, BUT
IT’S IMPORTANT TO HAVE A LIFE THAT HAS BALANCE.
Do… smile, even if you have to fake it
SUSAN CAIN IS A FORMER LAWYER WHO WROTE Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (PENGUIN), WHICH HAS BEEN TRANSLATED INTO MORE THAN 30 LANGUAGES.
THERE ARE SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS THAT YOU CAN EMPLOY TO FEEL CALM AND SERENE DURING INTIMIDATING SITUATIONS, SUCH AS SPEAKING IN PUBLIC OR CHAIRING A MEETING. FOR EXAMPLE,
PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOUR FACE AND BODY ARRANGE THEMSELVES WHEN YOU’RE FEELING GENUINELY CONFIDENT, AND ADOPT THOSE SAME POSITIONS WHEN THE TIME COMES TO FAKE IT. STUDIES ALSO SHOW THAT TAKING SIMPLE PHYSICAL STEPS – LIKE SMILING – MAKES US FEEL STRONGER AND HAPPIER, WHILE FROWNING MAKES US FEEL WORSE.
Do… Plan in some worry time
GRETCHEN RUBIN IS THE AUTHOR OF A NUMBER OF BESTSELLERS, INCLUDING Better Than Before (TWO ROADS), WHICH EXPLORES HOW WE CAN NURTURE GOOD HABITS AND DROP BAD ONES. FOR MOST OF US, PUTTING AN
ACTIVITY IN THE DIARY TENDS TO LOCK US INTO DOING IT. BUT, EQUALLY, SCHEDULING CAN ALSO BE USED TO RESTRICT TIME SPEND ON AN ACTIVITY. THE SINGER JOHNNY CASH USED TO PUT “WORRY” ON HIS TO-DO LIST. ALTHOUGH SCHEDULING TIME TO WORRY SOUNDS ODD, IT’S A PROVEN STRATEGY FOR REDUCING ANXIETY. INSTEAD OF WORRYING CONTINUALLY, A PERSON SAVES THE WORRY UNTIL THE APPOINTED TIME AND THEN WORRIES UNTIL THE TIME IS UP.
Don’t… hold it all in
JOHN C PARKIN
IS A HYPNOTHERAPIST AND AUTHOR OF THE “F**k It” BOOKS, INCLUDING F**k It – Do What You Love (HAY HOUSE). THIS EXERCISE IS THE MAGIC GATEWAY BACK INTO A MORE SPONTANEOUS WAY OF LIVING.
PUT ON SOME MUSIC WITH A GOOD RHYTHM. START SHAKING YOUR BODY TO THE MUSIC. I SHAKE MY ARMS FIRST, THEN I BOUNCE ON MY HEELS, SHAKING ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY BODY. I SHAKE MY SHOULDERS LIKE MAD, TRYING TO
GET THE
TENSION
OUT. KEEP
SHAKING
FOR ABOUT
EIGHT MINUTES UNTIL
A GAP IN THE MUSIC. STOP.
STAND STILL. NOTICE WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE YOUR BODY AND HEAD. SEE IF YOU CAN
PUT WORDS TO WHAT YOU’RE NOTICING. START SHAKING AGAIN FOR ABOUT ONE SONG AND REALLY GO FOR IT. THEN STOP.
TRY TO RELAX AS YOU STAND STILL. SOFTEN ANY TENSION: LET GO OF YOUR SHOULDERS AND JAW AND SOFTEN THE FOCUS OF YOUR EYES.
Don’t… Grow your worries
PROFESSOR STEVE PETERS IS A CONSULTANT PSYCHIATRIST AND AUTHOR OF The Chimp Paradox (VERMILION), WHICH HAS SOLD MORE THAN HALF A MILLION COPIES. SOME PEOPLE GROW WORRIES: IF THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, THEN THEY FIND SOMETHING. IT’S A LEARNT HABIT AND TIRING, NOT ONLY
FOR THEM BUT ALSO FOR THOSE AROUND THEM. BUT YOU CAN STOP THIS BEHAVIOUR BY OVERWRITING IT WITH A MENTAL PROGRAMME THAT RATIONALISES WHAT IS GOING ON. REMIND YOURSELF THAT:
MOST WORRIES
ARE TRIVIAL IN THE
LONG RUN AND TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES. LEARNING TO GET PERSPECTIVE AND
LAUGH AT YOURSELF IS THE
MOST POWERFUL THING YOU
CAN DO. WORRYING NEVER
DOES ANY GOOD.
Don’t… Believe in ProBlems
ECKHART TOLLE IS A SPIRITUAL TEACHER AND AUTHOR MUCH ADMIRED BY OPRAH WINFREY. HE WROTE The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (YELLOW KITE).
PROBLEMS ARE MIND MADE. ULTIMATELY, IT’S ABOUT REALISING THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS.
ONLY SITUATIONS – TO BE DEALT WITH NOW, OR LEFT ALONE AND ACCEPTED AS PART OF THE PRESENT MOMENT UNTIL THEY CHANGE OR CAN BE DEALT WITH.
ASK YOURSELF WHAT “PROBLEM” YOU HAVE
RIGHT NOW, NOT NEXT YEAR, TOMORROW, OR FIVE MINUTES FROM NOW. YOU MIGHT BE CARRYING IN YOUR MIND THE INSANE BURDEN OF 100 THINGS YOU WILL OR MAY HAVE TO
DO IN THE FUTURE, INSTEAD OF FOCUSING YOUR ATTENTION ON THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO now. MAKE THE DECISION TO CREATE NO MORE PROBLEMS, NO MORE PAIN. W&H