Am I being selfish?

For 18 years, I was in an abusive marriage. I finally got a divorce six years ago and a few months later, I met my new partner. Now that my son is at university and my daughter is about to graduate, my partner and I want to move away and really start again.

Both my kids initially said they were fine about it. We agreed with my ex to keep the house and split expenses, so he and I could take turns being there when the children visit. But now all three say I’m selfish and should be there in their old home at least until my son graduates.

Suzie says:

Why on earth would they need you to keep an old home, one that probably has bad memories for you even if it has good ones for them, until both are fully adult? If they want to see you or their dad or need a bolthole to retreat to, it can be your own new home, or his.

You had 18 years of being emotionally battered and controlled by your ex – can’t you see he’s up to his old tricks, trying the same old game even though you’ve now escaped him? He’s the selfish one, not you! Force the sale of the old place and tell your kids they’re welcome to come and stay at your new home when they want.